We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jc Sykes. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with JC below.
Hi JC, appreciate you sitting with us today. Maybe we can start with a topic that we care deeply about because it’s something we’ve found really sets folks apart and can make all the difference in whether someone reaches their goals. Self discipline seems to have an outsized impact on how someone’s life plays out and so we’d love to hear about how you developed yours?
My self discipline comes from being the youngest child in my family and watching my elders have 0 discipline in most things. I remember being a kid and witnessing behaviors, lifestyles, and mindsets that made no sense to me at all. Even then I was in tune with the reality’s of my circumstances. I trained myself to do the opposite of what I saw. Crippling generational cycles reigns supreme in my bloodline. I strive to continually change the enforced though processes and lack of love and self love in my bloodline. I honestly can’t call it family. The word family is tossed around so loosely as if that word alone is a get out of jail free card for abuse, abusers, trauma, disrespect, bullying, and smear campaigns that I usually started by one of the “elders” who was trained to judge and lead through their own personal perspectives and usually pessimistic opinions. They all lead with fear and manipulation in my bloodline. Do as I say of I’ll divide and conquor my objectives to bring you down through a smear campaign. Creating a bandwagon for fearful relatives and trusting children to jump on. Most know better, but few are brave enough or even strong enough to stand up against those scary elders who use intimidation and slander to get what they want. It’s usually in Jesus name too. I’ve read the Bible for myself. I’m a free thinker. I am not a religious follower of any faith. I trust the God who lives inside of me, since we’re made in his image. I appreciate Erykah Badu for her timeless lyrics in her hit song ‘On and On’. Take another listen!
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am a carpenter by trade with over a dozen years of both commercial and residential experience. I am the founder and Executive Director of Black Girls Build Inc, a non-profit organization specializing in introducing women and girls to the construction industry through hands-on DIY experiences. I am also a multi award winning author of ‘My A.R.R.A growing into me’, a memoir of perseverance over misguidance, and ‘Bugging a Bug’, my award winning children’s book turned book series, coming soon! I am also a certified
life coach, certified herbalist, former nurse, and, a mentor in my community. What’s most exciting about the many things I’ve accomplished is that I have mastered the art of connecting with anyone, and I have mastered calm, internally. My years of research, studying, and exploring myself have awarded me wisdom from my experiences and gratitude for the knowledge I’ve acquired. I have recently established a new and improved board of directors for the non-profit, Black Girls Build Inc. This new group of visionaries is a gift that I manifested over five years ago. These women have all participated in previous workshops. They quickly developed a passion I feel for building, and now share the BGB vision. We just completed our first SOLD OUT workshop in San Antonio, Texas! It was amazing to collaborate with Lone Star Construction Training. Rebecca, a 30 plus year electrician and founder of Women & Tools welcomed us with open arms. It showed me that union proud folks and non union lovers can get along and coexist. It’s okay to NOT be union proud, and embrace entrepreneurship in this same industry instead. I don’t really care what is used to be. It’s a new day and new society. Change is necessary!
Unfortunately, location makes all the difference in mindsets and biased treatments in the construction trades. I come from a good ole boy town. That should tell you the mindset and standard. BGB
is headed to the Chicago Build Expo where I am an ambassador at the event. We have a full roster of events that we’re lining up for 2025 and we look forward to hosting a workshop in a city near you. We’re praying for funding and donations to make this happen. I have self funded BGB ever since I dreamed it. Change gone come is my theme song by Sam Cook. We have a Halloween youth event on October 26 in collaboration with the Good Journey Development Foundation, and Behind It All Foundation. We have collaborated on multiple projects with the extraordinary Good Journey Development Foundation. Their city garden is serene and full of fresh produce open to the community. I’ve always had a green thumb. Gardening is my new favorite zin and past time. Mama D, Executive Director of Good Journey Development Foundation is a queen in her own right. This lady has a calm about herself that only shadow worker’s possess. Meeting a woman like Mama Dionne makes me feel like I have a role model that I’ve never had. She’s a gift! Mama D of the Good Journey Development Foundation just celebrated 20 years as a successful non-profit organization! She surely deserves and has earned her flowers. I am inspired and will continue to learn from healthy elders.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The knowledge and skills that helped me most on this journey is reading. I read everything to teach myself a different way of life. The skills that helped me most are being naturally talented with a passion to learn new things. I asked my master carpenter husband every question at least 20 times. I practiced with him, but I still ask him questions! Being a mother gave me patience and understanding along my journey. However, what benefitted me most on my journey was betrayals, hurt, pain, being mishandled, and abandonment. I’m so used to being counted out of everything that working alone to achieve everything I listed earlier was an outlet. I never looked at any of my achievements or accomplishments as successful. They were simply ways to keep learning, growing, and exploring to maintain my sanity through stagnant childhood trauma. I figured if I became the best at everything my parents would learn to like me and support my efforts to succeed. Instead, I was targeted for being different, speaking up, and doing things differently than what they did.
My best advice is to love yourself more than any other human including parents and children. We often lose ourselves after becoming parents. I personally became a parent so fast that I never got to know myself. It wasn’t until my last child graduated from high school in December 2022. I became an empty nester at 38 years old. It has truly been a growing pains healing journey of release, let go, and establishment of my true self and purpose. Now I’m doing interviews like this one!
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
The most impactful thing my parents did for me was raise me in survival mode vs raising me on love. They showed me what love is NOT, and how traditions DESTROY more than they help. They taught me indirectly that loose lips sink ships, once the stone is thrown you can’t take it back, age does not automatically mean that wisdom comes with it, love is just a word, unresolved trauma truly is generational detriment, opinions mean nothing and do not define people, and elders are not always safe. The most valuable lesson my parents taught me indirectly is that I AM AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH. Learning to change their negative words and perspectives of me into positivity is my most effective achievement. My step father Lindell, God rest his soul would pull me to the side and say, “You can be anything you put your mind to. Don’t listen to the negativity. You are very intelligent and will have to stand up to them some day.” His words of encouragement are the reason I stand strong enough to share my story today. My twin brother, Chase, God rest his soul was my right hand, in my own character development. I miss him terribly. It’s been 14 years since he left me here to battle the abusers who swept our sexual abuse under a rug. He literally told me that he had to die before me because I was the stronger one. What he meant was, the abuse changed him forever and he really preferred death. He couldn’t imagine me dying first and him being here to deal with our relatives without me. We were the ultimate team. He told me that if something happened to me and I died that he would have to kill himself. I was the little fighter for my twin brother and myself. Chase saw what I couldn’t see in myself early on. He saw a relentless warrior who faught anything and anyone when it came to doing what was right. His faith in me couldn’t be altered. He believed in me so much and it showed throughout life. During the last 25 minutes of his life with me laying beside him on that cold hospital bed in pure silence with only the sounds of machines keeping him alive, I talked to him. I talked to him like I never talked to him before. I held his now swollen hand, since his kidneys had shut down hours ago. I promised him I’d take care of myself, my children, and my mother. I promised him I would publish my memoir. He witnessed my mother screaming at me about how I was wasting my time writing a damn book when no one reads as I cried in discouragement. He never wanted to go up against our mother. He later told be in plain words, “You better finish that book.” I assured him that I would do all the things that we visualized together, and reveal the things that hurt us both. After 25 minutes of watching the heart monitor slow down on my twin brother’s life while I talked to him, a single tear ran down his face, confirmation for me that my message was received. The monitor stopped and immediately I felt a void internally. This moment keeps me pushing forward.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://jcsykes31.wixstudio.io/jcsykes-1
- Instagram: Bgb.inc
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/CarpenterKween
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