Meet Jen Bauman

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Jen Bauman. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Jen, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

I have this theory that we’re all born full of joyful confidence (have you seen toddlers on a playground?!), but that as we learn about the world and how to navigate humanhood, we give away bits and pieces of ourselves in exchange for love and belonging. Slowly, we lose the courage to be ourselves and to show up confidently in the world. As women, we are taught that confidence is arrogance, that smaller is better, that quiet is preferred, and that to be valued is to be liked (and certainly there is no one more feared or disliked than a confident woman). We shrink ourselves – both literally and figuratively – to “fit in,” we trade our tenacity for acceptance, and in the process we lose our self-assurance, our confidence, and our joy. We lose sight of who we are, what we want, and what we stand for – and we stop taking up space.

Before embarking on a dog training journey with my bulldog, Liam, I was reluctant to take up space, hesitant to be myself, and scared to be “too much.” My lack of confidence impacted every aspect of my life – from romantic relationships and my career to my friendships and hobbies. But, then I got a dog who was everything I was afraid of, and more – so when I found help for him, it ended up helping me. Dog training has truly helped me heal, grow, and flourish.

Despite being in and out of therapy for most of my life, I never felt like I made the progress I needed to show up fully in the world, to be confidently and authentically myself. The inner work that I needed to do to transform my mental and emotional health would only happen after I dedicated myself to transforming my relationship with Liam and creating change within and for myself, so that I could best help him live a safe and happy life.

Pre-dog training, interpersonal boundaries (especially people pleasing), perfectionism, and a lack of emotional regulation were the primary areas in which I greatly struggled – ones that kept me stuck in an endless search for worthiness and belonging, and therefore, myself.

And – for the first two years of our relationship, Liam was the dog who delighted in my inability to say “no.” Who was reactive and impulsive and wild. Who, despite my best efforts, was not just imperfect but dangerous to other dogs and humans. Our relationship was toxic & codependent, and although he learned new skills and a better mindset at a training program, the real work began when he came home.

Because it wasn’t until then that I realized how significant of a role I played in his behaviors. I HAD to change, to help him.

I couldn’t expect him to be the best, most authentic version of himself, if I didn’t do so. I couldn’t expect my reactive bulldog to regulate his emotions if I wasn’t doing the same. And I couldn’t fix our relationship without implementing boundaries. Nor could I journey with him while holding onto a perfectionist mindset. Big changes were necessary for us both to be successful.

So I started with following the plan and implementing boundaries through routine and structure.

At the beginning, Liam and I had virtually no boundaries, which created a codependency built on my indulging his every whim and desire. Liam made every decision in our lives, including where we went on walks, who was allowed to come in the home, where we could and couldn’t go with him, and what was tolerated during grooming or vet visits. Liam was overwhelmed, overly aroused, and emotionally dysregulated; I resented him for making our world so small and contributing to my depression and anxiety.

I had gone from a people pleaser to a dog pleaser, because I thought that the more I said yes to him, the happier he would be – and the more perfect of a dog mom I’d appear to be, doing such excellent caretaking (fur mommy culture didn’t exactly help me out here).

After a training program, we followed a plan that included a structured, daily routine in which Liam made fewer decisions. He went from the Cheesecake Factory menu to the In-N-Out menu – or, from bowling through life without guards to having them up; my little bowling ball bulldog needed a little extra guidance so he didn’t continue to spend time in the reactivity gutter (see what I did there!). Here’s the part about more structure and fewer canine-directed decisions that created clearly communicated boundaries (aka, my response to your actions):

“No” is necessary.
“No” is feedback.
“No” is clear (and clear is kind).
“No” is how to create space for “yes.”
“No” is love.

Slowly, the more decisions that I made for us, the more that I said “no,” the more that I prioritized what Liam needed over what he wanted, the more that I practiced empathetic assertiveness – the more balanced our relationship matured into. The more confident I grew in my ability to stand up for myself and my needs. The more clear my communication became. The more I could say “yes” to adventure and fun and joy.

My ability to say “no” to Liam transformed into an ability to say “no” to humans. I stopped tying my worth to the amount that I gave to others. I ensured that if I was saying “yes,” that I was doing so because it best for all parties, not just the receiving one. I was assertive in protecting my energy and stating my needs – I had boundaries in my personal life, for the first time ever. And those boundaries gave me the bandwidth to spend time and energy on myself – the first step to taking up space and finding my joy and confidence.

Boundaries gave me the ability to say “yes” to myself by saying “no” to others. I finally had the bandwidth to create change – and the first steps in change? Assessment, acceptance, and letting go.

For Liam, this meant being honest about what roles his genetics, the environment (myself included), and his emotions played. It meant accepting the things I could not change and being willing to change the things I could.

I could not change his crappy genetics or the past or that he’s a dog with big emotions.

I could:
– change how I communicated with him.
– enhance his biological fulfillment.
– honor his feelings while also guiding him towards healthy behaviors.
– give him the gift of choice.
– focus on play & joy.
– support him in finding nervous system and emotional regulation.
– cherish his goofiness.
– let go of my need for him to appear perfect.
– stop controlling his every decision.

I learned along the way, too. As it turned out, Liam’s big emotions, his impatience, and his reactivity, were reflections of me. Slowly, my letting go of the need to control and micromanage Liam in the pursuit of “perfection” – and instead, honor his feelings, joy, and imperfections – influenced me to let go of control and perfectionism in my own life.

By letting go of perfectionism (and control) and reframing Liam’s challenges as reflections of my own – and his solutions as mine, I could allow myself to have big, beautiful emotions while guiding myself towards healthy outlets. I could trust myself to make good decisions, without over analyzing. I stopped focusing on “perfect” and began focusing on feeling good in my heart, mind, and body. I made decisions that aligned with my values and prioritized not only my needs but also my joy, and this created an environment in which I could emotionally self regulate without intellectualizing my feelings. I could stop scrambling to find worthiness and belonging through accolades and people pleasing in the pursuit of “perfect” and just LIVE. I felt free, and I felt like me – for the first time in a long while. I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made. Implementing boundaries, letting go of perfectionism, and learning to regulate my emotions, gave me the tools to come back to myself and live a confident, big, beautifully authentic life.

I wouldn’t have been able to grow in my confidence and find my joy, without dog training – and certainly not without a crusty little bulldog gremlin who changed my life. Our journey has given me the confidence to be myself, to take up space, to speak up, and to be “too much.” Showing up for Liam forced me to show up for myself, and for that, I’m forever grateful.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again and again: dog training will change you, if you let it.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am the owner and operator of Maude and the Bulldogs, LLC, where our values are service, community, and connection. Our mission is to enhance quality of life for people and their canine companions through training support; to empower aspiring dog industry professionals through teaching; and to give owners peace of mind with our boutique, highly individualized boarding services.

We consider ourselves boarding specialists and excel at providing personalized care for each of our clients, from grooming, feeding, and training needs – and beyond – to provide owners with peace of mind while traveling. We have two locations in the Madison, Wisconsin, area.

Our online and in person training and owner consultations are nonjudgmental, accessible, and affordable, to help as many people as possible improve their relationships with their dogs. We want you to end each session feeling empowered, hopeful, and motivated!

To serve our dog parent community at large, we offer teaching and support for the new (or tenured) dog industry individual with our shadow program and business consultation calls, with a specific focus on structured, in home boarding.

We host (free!) monthly community pack walks, seasonal dog pawrent events, pop up group classes, and more – check out our Instagram and website for the latest and greatest!

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that have been most impactful in my journey include remaining open minded and curious, asking questions, being coachable and accepting of feedback, and showing up authentically in my business – staying true to our mission and values. The best piece advice I have folks early in their journey is to define one’s mission, values, and ideal client – write it all down! – and to keep that in mind throughout the journey. Staying open minded and curious, asking questions, and being coachable and accepting of feedback requires one to set aside pride and ego, listen instead of talk, and find mentors who are able and willing to provide empathetic teaching and guidance. I wouldn’t be where I am today, if I didn’t have incredible teachers and mentors in my life – I am so grateful for them!

What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?

I’ve had a lot of change in my business and in my personal life over the past 12 months – and I’ve also experienced enormous growth and improvement in my confidence, health, and commitment to helping others. Streamlining my business offerings and aligning my personal life with my values and priorities, has been truly life changing and contributed to significant growth in my business and within myself. Investing in my health and wellness through nutrition, regular bodywork, adequate sleep, and CrossFit training, has been instrumental in helping me to show up for others, by showing up fully for myself first. And having a supportive community of friends and family who have stuck by me through the ups and downs, is truly priceless, and their support has made it possible for me to help as many canines and their human companions, as possible.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.maudeandthebulldogs.com/
• Instagram: @maudeandthebulldogs – https://www.instagram.com/maudeandthebulldogs
• Facebook: Maude and the Bulldogs, LLC – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085019838534&mibextid=LQQJ4d&rdid=0XLAtx421Ca8kMTF&share_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fshare%2FdavbBLZYuoYJTNrZ%2F%3Fmibextid%3DLQQJ4d
• Linkedin: n/a
• Twitter: n/a
• Youtube: n/a
• Yelp: n/a
• Soundcloud: n/a

Image Credits

Leopard print top with leather jacket: EP Studios
All others: Dulcy Dog Photography