Meet Jen Dupree

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Jen Dupree. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Jen, thanks for taking the time to share your lessons with our community today. So, let’s jump right in – one of the most essential skills for unlocking our potential is self-discipline. Where does your self-discipline come from?

My parents had a lot going on in my early childhood. My grandmother, who had dementia, lived with us from the time I was three until I was ten, when she went into a nursing home. Shortly after she left, my aunt and her two children moved in with us. Various other family members also moved in and out. I was an only child, and so these houseguests were probably good for me—they made me do things like share my room and my time with my parents. But they also created a good deal of chaos. My grandmother in particular demanded a lot of my parents’ attention and so, at a very early age, I realized I needed to be the one to develop a routine for myself. I had no set bedtime, but at some point I think I realized I needed one and started going to bed at that time. By the time I was seven, I would change into a nightgown, brush my teeth, wash my face, and go downstairs and kiss my parents and grandmother goodnight. By the time I was eight, I would set my alarm to get up on time for school, then wake my mother. By ten, I was often left in charge of my grandmother. Those early years really formed my self-discipline. I realized very early on that routine and structure can help quell chaos—something I needed and continue to need.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I’m a library director at a small, rural library in Western Maine, which takes up a good deal of my time and energy. But it’s important work and it’s nice to have something in my life that feels like I can make an immediate impact.

In my other work, I’m an assistant editor for a literary magazine, which I enjoy because I get to give back creatively to new or beginning writers. Plus it helps me clarify what is and isn’t working in a story or essay.

But my primary calling is as a writer. I have a novel that came out in 2022 and I’m proud of that book, and the work I did to promote it, which was no small task. I finished a second novel, which will come out in 2025, and I’m at work on a third novel as well as a collection of essays about my long friendship with a man who has significant disabilities because of Cerebral Palsy. I’m most proud of those essays, in part because they’re so meaningful to him. Because he and I have spent so much of the last thirty years together, I think I’ve been able to capture both how hard the world is for him and also how he manages the fact of his body with a lot of grace and humor. I feel lucky to be his friend.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

1. Empathy: In part because of my early years with my grandmother and in part because of my friendship with someone with a disability, I’ve learned how to see the world through other people’s eyes. That can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I can almost always see the other side of an argument, and that helps me be able to (usually) navigate to middle ground. On the other hand, I feel things very deeply, sometimes to an almost crippling degree.

2. Stubbornness: I will not back down from a fight, especially when it comes time to defend the underdog. Recently at my library, we hosted a Drag Queen story time. The amount of pushback from the community was stunning. Our Drag Queen was baselessly accused of being a pedophile and I was accused of being her helper. Funding from several large donors was pulled. People accused me of trying to indoctrinate children into deviant sexual behaviors. Even my board encouraged me to cancel the event. But there was a lot of support for the event, too (it’s sometimes hard to register positive comments in the midst of negative ones). And cancelling would have meant, in some small way, that we agreed that the storytime was, as so many detractors put it, “dangerous for the children.” We had the event. No protestors showed up, although we were ready for them. The event was a huge success and did what we set out to do, which is show kids that everyone has a place at the library, no matter what they look like or what they believe.

3. Flexibility: You have to know how to pivot. This is probably the opposite of stubbornness, and that’s okay–it’s like two halves of the sphere. I have found in writing, in marriage, and in library work, that the number one thing that keeps everything moving in the right direction is the ability to figure out a new path when the one you’re on isn’t getting you where you need to be.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

A few years ago, I started having panic attacks while driving. They actually got so bad that if someone told me a harrowing driving story (getting lost, breaking down), I’d get the tight chest/shaky limbs/dizzy thing. I’d struggled with depression all my life, but I figured I’d just live with it. I didn’t know that depression and panic often go hand-in-hand. What I knew was that the panic attacks made it hard to conduct life (I live in rural Maine–there’s no public transportation and nothing is within walking distance). All of this is to say I finally went to the doctor and asked for help. I was prescribed a low-dose of an anti-anxiety and it was (strongly) suggested I start therapy. My therapist was kind and gentle and he eventually pushed me to do something “fun for the sake of fun.” I initially balked, but eventually I chose singing lessons, which I was very bad at. It turned out it didn’t matter that I was bad at it. It was fun anyway. I enjoyed myself despite not having a goal (other than to show up every week). I eventually learned that I felt overwhelmed was because I was so driven. I only ever allowed myself to do things that had a purpose–running or walking was to get fit, reading was to learn how to be a better writer, even time with friends felt tense and fraught, like I should be doing something else. The signing lessons, the therapy, even the medication, took time. But the time was worth it–I haven’t had a panic attack in years. I can sometimes sense one at the edges and that’s when I do something “fun for the sake of fun.” Maybe just a little dance around the house. Maybe a walk for pleasure instead of fitness. Maybe read a book with no intention other than enjoyment. Maybe I even nap.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.jenniferdupree.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writerjendupree/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.dupree.716

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