We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jenine Marie Powell a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Jenine Marie, really appreciate your meeting with us today to talk about some particularly personal topics. It means a lot because so many in the community are going through circumstances where your insights and experience and lessons might help, so thank you so much in advance for sharing. The first question we have is about divorce and how you overcame divorce and didn’t allow the trauma of divorce to derail your vision for your life and career.
I’m not sure if we ever “overcome” our divorce because divorce alters our future so drastically. We live with the ramifications and consequences of our divorce for years post divorce. A divorce is not an event that simply ends once all the paperwork is finalized. Our daily lives and those of our children will be forever altered. What we need to overcome is the pain, anger, sadness and all the other difficult emotions that accompany divorce. I think we overcome these difficult emotions by facing them head on, by realizing that divorce brings with it a deep sense of loss. We need to allow ourselves time to grieve and mourn the loss of our marriage and all the other losses that come with that– the loss of our partner; the loss of a part of our own identity; the loss of the familiar family unit; the loss of our sense of stability, security, and permanence; the loss of our accustomed lifestyle; the loss of the vision we had dreamed of for our future. Accepting these losses is not easy and takes time, self-awareness, support, sometimes professional guidance, patience and work. It’s a struggle. For me, I eventually reached the point of a peaceful surrender. This meant fully recognizing and accepting that what happened, happened. The past was no longer in my control, thankfully my future is. It still helps me to give myself that gentle reminder.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
As a certified divorce coach, support group facilitator, author, and educator, I provide help and hope to men and women whose lives have been turned upside down by divorce. Divorce is considered the second most stressful life event one can endure, and no one should have to go through this overwhelming process alone. In addition to my years of professional experience and training, I am also a single mom and understand firsthand how devasting divorce can be for all involved. After several years of finding myself, I emerged from my own painful struggles with a sincere passion to help others. I have learned that while we may not be able to instantly solve all of our problems, we can shift how we perceive the obstacles in our lives. When we can see our obstacles as a springboard to new opportunities, healing accelerates and we find a revived sense of purpose. As I work with my clients and support group members, I strive to provide genuine connection, tips, tools, strategies, and knowledge to help them along their healing journey. I’m so fortunate to witness that there is a light at the end of the divorce tunnel where sorrow/struggle/hardship lead to transformation.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1) The ability to express my emotions.
I allowed myself to let it all out. I cried and screamed and ranted and vented and released whatever needed to come out– anger, jealousy, resentment, fear, hate, pain, frustration, sadness. And, it was ugly and messy and exhausting, but also cleansing and therapeutic. My advice to anyone struggling with a loss or disappointment, just allow yourself to feel. Don’t bottle it up. Let your emotions flow.
2) The ability to incorporate healthy coping skills.
For many years, I was also a certified personal trainer and I know how taking care of our physical self enormously helps our emotional, psychological and cognitive self. When we move our bodies, eat nutritious foods and incorporate other healthy habits into our lives, it contributes positively to every aspect of our well being. In times of high stress, exercising was always a fulfilling outlet that redirected my thoughts and energy and cleared my mind. My advice to others is never neglect your self care. Make the time, make it a priority.
3) The ability to ask for help.
As much as I wanted to be superwoman, there were times when I needed help– a professional to talk to, a friend to cry with, a neighbor to watch my kids, a grandparent to fill in for the weekend, another mom to carpool with, a co-worker to relieve me. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a courageous act of acknowledging your limits and restoring your energy. It’s hard to heal in isolation. We heal through connection. My advice, don’t shut people out of your life. Invite more in. Ask for help.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
There are thousands of books written specifically about divorce, but the book that helped me most throughout my journey was not written about divorce at all. But, every page provided me with understanding, direction, inspiration and hope. That book is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. Here are those Four Agreements:
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personal.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
It seems so simplistic, but the ramifications are life changing. Think about how each of those agreements can be used to reflect upon the “story” of your own divorce. I promise this book will help you find clarity as well as help you move forward with wisdom and integrity.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://sosdivorcecoach.com
- Instagram: SOS Divorce Coach
- Facebook: Starting Over Single
- Linkedin: Jenine Marie Powell
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