We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jennifer Kloeppel a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Jennifer, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
Honestly,I never believed that I had another option. As a child I believed deeply that there is so much good in the world even when things look terrible (I still do). As an adult, especially after I had kids it felt like less of an option. After spending years in a very damaging relationship where I spent a lot of time with a smile on my face so that no one knew what was going on, not pushing through wasn’t an option. I never wanted anyone to worry about me and I always worried about the impact of how I would respond in the face of something hard would affect other people. I still don’t feel like I have an option to not push through but I do know that I can name when things are challenging out loud and ask for help. I have realized that in order to be in community well and get through the hard times, we have to let people worry and be a part of the difficult situations. If I want people to trust me to walk with them when they are navigating hard things, I have to allow them to do the same for me (with great boundaries and great understanding of who I can trust to do that).
In 2018, I had several really hard and big things happen to me at once. I was in an accident that left me with a traumatic brain injury (one that I am still working to heal) and I was getting out of an abusive relationship. I knew that I had the opportunity to model what it could look like to push through really hard and challenging things with honesty (meaning that I can name when I am struggling with a decision or pain) and the belief that the other side of it will be better. So I had a choice to make, I could let this injury sideline me, I could let years of abuse take away my joy or I could model what it looked like to care for myself and people I loved really well. In my mind, there was no choice. My kids needed me and more importantly I wanted to show up for them and for other people I love no matter what. I wanted to continue to live.
In the midst of that, I had a neurologist who asked me if I could remember the things that I care about. I started listing people and he said no, I know you love people well, I want to know what lights your soul on fire. After I answered, he told me that I have a choice, I can never feel my soul on fire again or I can start looking at each day as a new opportunity. He said you aren’t scared to try things, you aren’t scared to do hard work, so don’t let the hard days take away from the good ones. It was a reminder I needed and still need on days when I feel like I will never heal physically or emotionally. It is a reminder on hard days as a parent and hard days running a nonprofit, and hard days navigating relationships.
I also believe that resiliency means being okay making mistakes and trying again. I want to make sure that we have a fail safe space at Showers and in my house. We are able to make mistakes and talk about them without shame. Mistakes mean we are learning and trying something new. Mistakes allow us to keep going even when it is hard. It is okay to mess up and it is okay to pick up the pieces, be disappointed and keep going.
Resiliency isn’t an option in my mind. It was a choice I had to make and continue to make everyday. If I can be gentle with others during the hard parts of their journeys, I can do that for myself. I also always look at difficulties from a growth mindset or opportunity mindset instead of looking at it in a way that tells me there is no solution. I deeply believe that there is always a way to push through things and solve problems, even if the answer is that it is time for change or time to walk away.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I run a nonprofit called Showers For All, we are a fleet of mobile laundry and shower trailers that serve our unhoused population in Denver. We started in November of 2019 and have built all of our trailers ourselves. We ran through covid and have continued to provide services. Currently, we have three trailers on the ground. What I love the most about what we do is that it starts with something as simple as a shower and often turns into something that is seeing the humanity in our guests and reminding them that they are so important. We have created a community of people (guests and volunteers) who find safety and community in front of a shower and laundry trailer. Our hope, more than showers and laundry is that we are providing a safe place for our guests to come and feel seen, cared for, and loved. I am so excited about how quickly Showers For All is growing and the impact that it is having in the lives of our guests.
Let me tell you a short story that is a perfect example of what I am talking about.
Megan came to us after only living on the street for a week. She was fleeing domestic violence and had nowhere to go. She walked up to us nervously and asked if we had any socks she could have. We gave her socks and offered her a shower and laundry. At first, she said no, she was hesitant to go into an enclosed space. We showed her that it was a space only for her. It was private, it was locked, and that we would be right there if she needed anything. She waited for several hours, walking around in front of the trailer and observing people moving in and out until finally she decided that she could do it. She took a deep breath, walked inside, and asked us to sit outside the door. Finally, she showered.
When she came out she burst into tears and shared that she hasn’t felt safe in a shower in a long time and that she hasn’t had privacy in the shower in years. We handed her her clean clothes and connected her with a domestic violence resource to help her land on her feet. Several weeks later she came back and smiled and thanked us. She said I was feeling so hopeless the day I came to you, I wasn’t sure who I could trust and you made sure that I felt safe without forcing me into anything. Thank you for your help. She has since moved into transitional housing and is getting support for her trauma. Showers For All is often a stepping stone for people to find what they need next. That day it was just a warm, safe place.
That is a full circle moment for me. I was able to look at this trailer that provides a basic human need and look at our volunteers and our team with so much admiration for the culture that has been created. There was no force, no hurrying, it was a team of people slowing down, acknowledging deep pain that someone was experiencing and sitting with them in it. That is what we all want. We are built for community and often in the rush of our days forget to see people and forget to allow ourselves to be seen.
We operate with volunteers on the ground with us at every site. We are so grateful the amazing team of volunteers and love when we get to show new volunteers the power of Showers and Laundry. It is really exciting.
Right now, my partner Kellen is working on site development and building trailers-he is incredible at it. I am so grateful to have a partner who does those things really well and ensures that our trailers are beautiful, functional, and comfortable for our guests. I am focusing on ways to build our team. Fundraising is tricky sometimes because convincing people that investing in people is hard but it is essential to have caring, compassionate, trauma informed staff onsite. I love that our trailers have been funded by the community and continue to be funded by the community. A piece of funding showers and laundry for our guests is also helping us fund the team. We want a team of people who will continue to lead with their hearts AND provide showers and laundry. So I am working on building our team, fundraising, creating partnerships, and visioning for the next project. I am so excited about what is coming for showers while we continue to do the work we are doing.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
That is a great question and my answer probably varies day to day. One quality would be to recognize that it is okay to not be the smartest person or most knowledgeable person at a table. It is okay to respond to things with “I don’t know” or “I would have to explore that more.” I think sometimes our egos get in our way and we feel like because we are leaders that we have to be the smartest or we have to know everything but there is a lot of power in not knowing and being willing to admit that.
Determination is another one. There will be a lot of “nos” on your journey to starting something, there will be people who tell you that you can’t or you don’t have enough funding or knowledge or whatever. But if you see something that you are passionate about and want to do it you can take those nos and figure out how to listen to what they are telling you in a different way. I had to learn that a no isn’t personal. A no doesn’t mean that I stop. Sometimes no’s are just leading the way to our best yeses so we have to keep moving and dreaming. Look, sometimes nos are nos and that is it but I think there are always lessons to be learned from a no and we have the ability to reimagine or reset and to continue focusing on our dreams. Just because someone doesn’t understand something doesn’t make them right. Just because you have hit a road block doesn’t mean it is over. Determination allows us to remain sure what where we are headed and to keep moving that direction.
Lastly, Compassion. Compassion for others and compassion for myself. When we can see others as people doing hard things and we recognize that we are a person doing hard things we make decisions differently. The way we move through the world will determine our relationships, our work, and how we care for ourselves. Compassion comes with boundaries and we have to have those too but that would be a 4th quality to have.
My advice is to listen to your heart. Pay attention to what is happening around you and in you. Recognize the the things that make you uncomfortable and figure out why. Care for the parts of you that are hurting so that you can put your best self forward for others. Don’t give up, find mentors and people who can breath life into you and encouragement and find people who are going to give you kind and constructive feedback. Those are the people you need around. Lastly, don’t take constructive feedback personally-figure out how to grow from it.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
My biggest area of growth has been learning to say no. Having better boundaries is better for myself, for my work, and for my kids. I had to change the idea in my head that saying no right now doesn’t have to mean no forever. I also had to shift the idea that if I say no to something that the opportunity is gone forever. It isn’t. I can show up as my best self consistently when I say no to things that I ultimately don’t have time for. There are things that I would love to do personally and professionally but I know that they will impact the work that I am doing now and the time I have to play with my kids. I was sitting with my counselor in January and creating a list of things that I value, it was a very long list. She asked me to bring it down to the top 10 things. That was a challenge, but once I did I realized that I can do those 10 things really well and very consistently or I can constantly feel overwhelmed and sad I am missing out on them by saying yes to other things. Boundaries have radically changed how I function day to day and how I allow others to treat me. I also realized that some of the things that I was saying yes to, I was saying yes from a place of feeling guilty if I said no or because I didn’t want anyone mad. I want to say yes because it is right for everyone and what I am saying yes to will get the best me. I am not anywhere close to where I need to be but I am working on it and I am proud of the growth so far.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.showersforall.org
- Instagram: instagram.com/showersforall
- Facebook: Facebook.com/showersforall
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jennkloepp
- Twitter: twitter.com/showersforall
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@thedignityproject2529
