We were lucky to catch up with Jennifer Reaves recently and have shared our conversation below.
Jennifer, so good to have you with us today. We’ve got so much planned, so let’s jump right into it. We live in such a diverse world, and in many ways the world is getting better and more understanding but it’s far from perfect. There are so many times where folks find themselves in rooms or situations where they are the only ones that look like them – that might mean being the only woman of color in the room or the only person who grew up in a certain environment etc. Can you talk to us about how you’ve managed to thrive even in situations where you were the only one in the room?
I think success is a relative term; it means different things to different people. Success may mean being raised in poverty and growing up to establish wealth for oneself; it may mean to someone else just getting out of bed and taking a shower.
I’ve experienced some pretty hard things that would have broken others, and from that, I feel it is my soul purpose to show the people I meet that despite what they’ve been through, it does not define them, and they can make it “out” alive. Little victories can be celebrated just as much as big ones, and one never knows what it took a person to just get to the little victories in their life.
Success to me in my younger years was learning from the mistakes of the adults in my life who were fumbling through theirs and trying to figure things out. I learned through watching and living through their bad decisions that we’re all human just trying to figure things out…I didn’t get to that realization without quite a bit of anger, though. I experienced a multitude of emotions and traumas before the age of 13. My success then, when I moved to a new school, was to be authentically myself (even if it meant I was weird) and let all of my complex emotions out through involvement in school activities and sports. I kept my mind busy and if I felt like I wasn’t good at something, I tried even harder to become near expert-level. I smiled and laughed a lot. So much to the point where when I met my best friend of 26 years on a school bus and she asked me, “Why do you smile all the time?” I told her “Because I know how it is to not smile”, and I remember her mouth dropping. I never really felt like anyone related to me when I was a teenager. Inside, I felt that I didn’t belong even though I was good at putting up a front. My soul felt like it was from another planet, and I wanted to know more about metaphysics, astrology…even religion didn’t set right with me in those years. I craved freedom in a spiritual way, and I found through music and art that I felt the spiritual and psychological connection I needed to experience it.
Art has always been an outlet for me to channel my emotions. When words couldn’t describe what I was feeling, art could.
Success to me as an adult is that I’ve lived through heartbreak, the immense stress of survival mode, and panic. There have been times in my adulthood when I’ve had no idea how I was going to make it, let alone provide for my boys. I had avoided processing grief of losing my mother by throwing myself into jobs that were physically, emotionally, and mentally degrading. Through sheer willpower, determination, and resilience, I have been so far successful in transmuting the suffering and lessons of my past into something beautiful. I’m raising my boys to be respectful and insightful young men who are mindful of women and take care of them; I have found an amazing guy who is supportive, works on himself, and was crazy enough to marry me; I am about to graduate with my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and obtain my license as a professional counselor, and live in a home that just a few years ago I wished for. My heart is so extremely grateful for the prayers I once had that led to the things and people I have in my life now.
There was once a time when I was afraid to speak about my life, whether it be from environmental conditioning, or the doubt that anyone would even relate to me, but I no longer resonate with that. That’s not who I am anymore. And that’s healing.
So when I’m the only one in the room who has had the experiences I’ve had, I look around at others…not out of judgment, but to see if they are brave enough to share their story. And if I see someone who needs help using their voice or having the courage to go into those depths like never before, my personal success is that I’ve been there, I’m not scared anymore, and I will stand beside them while they find their power to do so. Sometimes it takes the person being the only one in the room who looks like themselves and is brave enough to stand in their own power to create positive change in a big way.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Currently, I work as a school-based counselor seeing adolescents with a non-profit local mental health authority. I love being able to listen to teenagers and be a support for them. My clients are so special to me because they are at such an existential point in their lives and trying to figure things out while trying to find their identity and values. I do a lot of artwork with them and have found this is a great way for them to convey their emotions without knowing the words to say. Artwork has proven to be liberating for so many of them, and they have continued that interest by signing up for art classes as electives or pursuing art in college.
My professional focus outside of my current full-time job is to establish my own private therapeutic practice, integrating artwork, sound healing, and energetic modalities. As an artistic empath, I feel it’s important to help guide others who are suffering or who have dealt with trauma and find different options for them to heal other than just utilizing talk therapy.
My art business, Ethereal Healing Arts (Ethereal Art by Jen), is going through an evolution. It focuses on emotional healing through abstract artwork, homemade candles, and authentic gemstone bracelets. Soon, I plan on implementing soul coaching, crystal healing, tarot and oracle reading, and sound healing services. This will be a separate practice from when I obtain my license in Professional Counseling.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I would say the biggest skill that’s been most impactful in my journey was finding the willpower to not let my past define me. There was once a time when I experienced the adults who were supposed to love me and protect me in my life make some really bad decisions and I received the brunt of those bad decisions with some not very nice things said to me. I was determined to prove that they were wrong and that I could thrive in spite of being told I was worthless, I would never amount to anything, etc.
Another skill that was impactful for me has been motivation. The source of my motivation has changed throughout my life, but the drive has always been the same. I’ve found that willpower and motivation are different in that I could have the willpower to not lay in bed all day long, but motivation for me is actually making something of myself and for my children. There have been times when I was able to motivate myself to achieve a goal, but recently I learned it’s okay to ask for the support of others who believe in me. I learned this through my husband, Josh. He’s a great support system and is all for me succeeding.
I believe that empathy and compassion is the last skill that has made the most impact in my personal and professional journey. The saying, “Be the person you needed when you were growing up” has had such a powerful and profound hold on me, and I try to represent it by sitting with anyone, be it my clients, my kids, my friends, my family, in the moment and just being present by actively listening to them. I thank the Universe every day that through my strength, willpower, motivation, and resiliency, I have been able to transmute much of the pain and suffering I’ve endured to something as beautiful as compassion and empathy. Sometimes I feel a little too strongly…but I genuinely feel and have experienced that if I hold that space for others, I give them something they can relate to, and they trust me more.
Looking back over the past 12 months or so, what do you think has been your biggest area of improvement or growth?
The biggest area of growth I’ve made over the past year is learning to slow down and integrate this into my life. I started therapy (again) in 2022, and through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), I learned to change negative mindsets into positive ones and work on the multiple traumas I’ve had. Through counseling, I’ve been able to realize that the fast pace I was used to was due to survival mode and the unhealthy conditioning I was brought up in during my childhood. When I met my husband 4 years ago, he would ask me, “don’t you just RELAX?” and at the time, I took a lot of pride in not letting my age or body going as fast and efficiently as I thought it could in my 20’s. I think my mom’s early death may have had something to do with me not slowing down also (I still need to process this!) I suffered a pretty nasty knee injury about a year and a half ago, so it was also the Universe’s way of telling me, “Jen, if you don’t slow down, I’m going to have to force it on you!” and I didn’t listen. I had knee surgery in August 2024, and I really did have to stop for nearly 7 weeks and just surrender myself to the forces that be. In that time, I recognized that I’m not invincible, and no one is expecting me to be. It was a hard lesson to learn, but now, I won’t go past my limitations. I see the healing quality of rest and sleep, and in this, I’ve also learned the beautiful boundary of saying “no” when something seems like it’s overwhelming to me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.etherealartbyjen.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/etherealhealingartswaco
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/etherealartbyjen
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/etherealhealingarts
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