Meet Jens Lidén

 

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Jens Lidén. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Jens, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?

Life has a remarkable way of guiding us toward where we need to be, often through experiences that challenge us, stretch our limits, and push us to reflect. For me, it was through a relationship that I came to truly discover my purpose. This journey was often filled with moments of confusion, and times when I had to question what I truly wanted and needed. The lessons learned from each experience, the emotional challenges, and the moments of introspection all played a crucial role in shaping me who I am today.

Through this process, I began to recognize the patterns I had been living with, many of which were deeply rooted in self-sacrifice, the desire to please others, and the neglect of my own needs. The relationship became a mirror, reflecting ways I had been undervaluing myself and not nurturing my own self-worth. In trying to build a connection with someone else, I realized I had been neglecting the most important connection— the one with myself.

This journey wasn’t just about the struggles I faced—it was about awakening to my true self. The confusion, the mixed signals, the moments of disconnection, and the eventual realization that I needed to prioritize my own well-being led me to a deeper understanding of what truly matters. It was through the challenges I faced in this relationship that I found the clarity I needed to pursue my purpose with confidence and fulfillment.

Looking back, I’m deeply grateful for the lessons this experience brought. It wasn’t always easy, but every step—whether painful or enlightening—has played a crucial role in my personal growth. Now, with a renewed sense of self, I’m embracing the future with a clearer vision, excited for the new opportunities that await. This is the story of how I awakened to my true self and found the courage to pursue the life I’ve always dreamed of.

Disconnected Actions

I remember a specific instance from the dating stage, before our first real date. We had met in person before, but our interactions hadn’t been very deep at that point.

When I asked this girl if we could meet for coffee, she seemed open to it. We scheduled the date for maybe two or three weeks later, and she asked me to pick three places where I’d like to go.

I carefully chose spots I thought we’d both enjoy and sent them over, eager to make it a pleasant experience for both of us.

But when she responded, she told me she wanted to go to a completely different place—one that wasn’t even on my list.

She didn’t acknowledge or consider my choices at all. This felt off. Why ask for my preferences if they weren’t going to be taken into account? It was a subtle, yet telling moment. It made me realize that, even in the early stages, my input wasn’t being valued the way I had hoped.

Additionally, I wanted to surprise her by buying a rose, thinking it would be a sweet gesture. However, she didn’t seem very happy about it. When we were about to leave, I noticed she wasn’t planning to take the rose with her. I asked, “Shouldn’t you take the rose with you?” She eventually took it, but it didn’t feel like she appreciated it in the way I had hoped. It made me a little sad, because I wanted her to be happy with the surprise and to remember the gesture, but it didn’t seem to mean as much to her.

Lack of empathy and disregard for my feelings:

She didn’t acknowledge or consider my choices for the date location, even after asking for my preferences. This made me feel like my efforts didn’t matter to her, and it showed a lack of empathy for my feelings and desires. It was as if she didn’t care about what I wanted, which really made me feel disregarded.

Entitlement and lack of appreciation:

When I surprised her with a rose, she didn’t seem happy or appreciative, and she wasn’t even planning to take it with her. This made me feel like she felt entitled to the gesture without recognizing the thought and effort I put into it. It showed a lack of gratitude for my kindness and made me feel unappreciated.

The Second Date: A Growing Disconnect

On our second date, we went to another place where we played games and shared a glass of wine.

I thought it would be a fun way to connect, but as the evening went on, I started to feel the next wave of doubt and sadness.

While we were playing, I noticed that she kept glancing over at another guy at the bar, clearly seeking his attention.

It wasn’t just a fleeting glance—it felt deliberate, like she was more interested in him than in being present with me.

I couldn’t help but feel that maybe I wasn’t as special as I had hoped.

I had been excited for this second date, wanting to build something meaningful, but in that moment, I felt invisible.

I wondered why she would even go on a second date with me if her attention was elsewhere.

It made me question if I was just another option to her, rather than someone she genuinely wanted to connect with.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasn’t valued for who I was.

Lack of Attention and Consideration:

She consistently directed her attention elsewhere, notably to another guy at the bar, during our second date. This behavior reflects self-centeredness and a lack of empathy.

Inconsistency in Emotional Investment:

I were seeking to build a meaningful connection, yet her actions suggested that i weren’t as important to her. This behavior reflects manipulation and emotional inconsistency.

Focus on Self:

The deliberate attention-seeking behavior toward another man instead of being present with me shows an excessive focus on her own desires and needs.

The Early Signs of Doubt: The Ex

Despite the strange feelings from the first two dates, we eventually entered a relationship. But even early on, something didn’t feel right.

One day, I noticed that she seemed uncomfortable when I asked who she was texting on her phone. She hesitated, and I could tell she didn’t want to tell me, but eventually, she said, “No one.”

I wasn’t convinced, though. I told her, “I can see you’re texting someone.” After a pause, she admitted it was her ex—someone she had been trying to detach from.

I could sense that this had been difficult for her, and I felt for her struggle. She explained that she was only reading his messages now, saying, “Now I can detach. It’s okay.”

Still, something didn’t sit well with me. I told her it didn’t feel right for her to be in contact with her ex while we were trying to build something together.

She seemed conflicted—part of her wanted to keep talking to him, and it was clear she was still emotionally connected.

After some more conversation, she agreed to delete his contact, but there was still an unease that lingered.

Even though she assured me that it wasn’t about him anymore, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about starting a relationship with this unresolved situation.

Lack of Transparency and Dishonesty:

When I asked about who she was texting, she lied and said “No one.” This was a clear sign of dishonesty and a lack of transparency. She chose to hide the truth, likely to avoid facing uncomfortable situations or maintain control over the situation.

Feeling Disrespected: Unsettling Attention Towards Others

At the beginning of our relationship, she expressed that she wanted us to avoid looking at other people and trying to make each other jealous or seek revenge. However, her actions didn’t align with her words. Everywhere we went, she kept checking out other people, which left me feeling confused and hurt.

Additionally, she shared with me that she had cheated in the past, explaining it by saying that it was because the other person had cheated on her first. I couldn’t help but question the consistency between her words and actions. This created a lot of mixed feelings for me, as it seemed like her past and current behavior didn’t fully align with the values she initially expressed.

However after the second date, I began noticing a pattern in her behavior that made me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. We had already experienced some moments where I felt she was paying more attention to other people than to me, but it continued in the relationship, making me increasingly uneasy.

For instance, at restaurants, she would watch the waiter—not just with a quick glance, but with prolonged attention. It wasn’t just passing, and it made me feel bad inside. Another time, while we were on the bus together, she was looking at a young guy right in front of me. It felt like she was teasing him, aware that I was sitting right there with her, and she still continued to make eye contact with him. This felt very disrespectful to me.

Then, there was an incident in the metro. We were standing about 10 meters apart from another couple, but she was staring at a guy so intensely that his girlfriend noticed and stared back at her. The situation felt incredibly awkward, and it made me feel like I wasn’t being given the respect or attention I deserved. On two separate occasions at different gyms, I also noticed her smiling at guys. These repeated actions, whether intentional or not, left me feeling like I wasn’t the one receiving her attention, and it made me question the respect and trust in our relationship.

Lack of Respect for Boundaries and Others’ Feelings:

She repeatedly directed her attention toward other people, especially men, in ways that made me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. It felt like she didn’t care how her actions affected me, focusing more on getting attention and validation from others rather than considering how I felt in those moments.

Seeking External Validation:

The prolonged attention she gave to other people—like making eye contact and smiling—made me feel like she was seeking attention from others, even when she was supposed to be focusing on me as her partner. It felt like I wasn’t enough, and she was more interested in getting validation from others.

Lack of Empathy:

The repeated behavior of focusing on other people and ignoring how it made me feel really showed a lack of empathy. It felt like she didn’t care about my emotions or how her actions were affecting me.

Manipulating Situations for Attention:

The incident in the metro, where she was staring at another man so intensely that it made the situation awkward, seemed like a subtle way to draw attention to herself. It felt like she was intentionally trying to create a moment where others noticed her, even though it was uncomfortable for me.

The Surprise That Didn’t Land as Expected

One day, I saw a post on social media where it seemed like she was having a bad day. The way she wrote about it made me feel like she was struggling, and I didn’t want her to feel down. I decided to surprise her to brighten her day. I went to the store and bought three roses and a piece of jewelry, hoping it would show her how much I cared and wanted to cheer her up.

I reached out to her and told her I had a surprise for her, and we arranged to meet. When we met at the place we decided, I handed her the roses with a smile, expecting her to appreciate the gesture. But to my surprise, she didn’t take them right away. I had to ask, “Don’t you want them? They’re for you.” Only then did she take the roses.

While she did seem to appreciate the gesture in the end, it was a little disheartening that the initial reaction wasn’t one of warmth or excitement. It made me question whether my efforts were being received the way I intended, and whether she truly felt the same way about the relationship.

When My Happiness and Care Became Annoying

In the early days of our relationship, everything felt still good anyway. The sun was shining, we had just become a couple, and there weren’t any big issues between us. As we walked side by side, I couldn’t help but smile when I looked at her. I was happy, and I liked her—it was as simple as that. But when she caught me smiling, she asked, “What is it?”

I replied, “What do you mean? I’m happy and I like you—that’s why I’m smiling and looking at you.” To my surprise, she seemed annoyed by this. She asked me why I was always speaking without thinking first, saying it was better to think everything through before saying anything.

I didn’t agree with her. I told her, “I don’t think that way. I speak with good intentions, and I don’t feel the need to overthink everything I say.”

It felt confusing and hurtful. Here I was, expressing my genuine happiness and affection, but it was turned into something negative. My care and feelings seemed to annoy her rather than be appreciated, and it left me feeling like I couldn’t even be myself without being criticized.

Lack of Appreciation for My Happiness:

When I smiled at her because I was genuinely happy, she seemed annoyed. It was confusing because I was simply expressing my feelings of affection, but instead of appreciating it, she made it feel like something was wrong with it.

Being Criticized for Expressing Affection:

When I expressed how I felt, she criticized me for not thinking before I spoke. I was just being myself, sharing my happiness, and yet it was turned into something negative. It felt like I couldn’t even be myself without getting criticized.

Trying to Control How I Express Myself:

Her comment about thinking things through before saying anything felt like she was trying to control how I express myself. Instead of accepting my genuine emotions, she wanted me to act in a way that suited her preferences, making me feel like I was wrong for being honest and open.

Entitlement to How I Should Act:

She seemed to think that I should adjust how I express myself to meet her standards. This was hurtful because it made me feel like my natural way of being wasn’t good enough for her, and that I had to meet her expectations instead of just being me.

Following the Advice, Yet Feeling Misunderstood

As we both wanted to build a strong bond, she recommended a book called Love and Respect—a guide on understanding the needs and wants of men and women in relationships.

I thought it was a thoughtful suggestion, so I began reading it, hoping it would help me understand her better and improve our connection.

I made a conscious effort to apply what I learned from the book, doing my best to follow the advice.

However, despite my efforts, it started to feel like she would intentionally stir up discussions based on things I said—discussions that didn’t seem to have any real foundation.

At one point, I mentioned to her that I had started reading Love and Respect in an effort to improve our communication and create smoother conversations, just as she had suggested.

But her response was surprising—she casually replied, “It’s just a book.” This was a stark contrast to how she had originally praised it, saying it was a great read and that it had helped her understand relationships better.

Suddenly, it felt like the book no longer held any real value or meaning, and I felt deflated.

I couldn’t understand why this was happening. We didn’t have any major issues to address, so it left me confused when she seemed to want to create problems out of thin air.

No matter how much I tried to follow the principles from the book, it still wasn’t enough to avoid these tension-filled moments.

She repeatedly asked the same things to me, and I explained my perspective. In the end, it seemed to be okay with her, and we both appeared relaxed.

However, a little later, she brought it up again. This time, I gave my explanation once more, but she asked the same question again and again, as if wanting a different reply—seemingly trying to trigger me. And this time, she succeeded. I raised my voice and asked, “Why are you asking the same question over and over? It feels like you’re trying to trigger me.”

Her expression showed that she was shocked by this reaction, which she had intentionally caused.

I began to wonder what she truly valued and whether I would ever be able to meet her expectations.

Lack of Appreciation for Effort:

I made a genuine effort to follow her suggestion by reading the book, “Love and Respect,” hoping it would improve our relationship. However, despite my effort, she casually dismissed it, showing a lack of appreciation for my attempt to improve things.

Inconsistent Communication and Manipulation:

Initially, she praised the book and its value in helping to understand relationships, but later, she dismissed it as “just a book.” This inconsistency can be a sign of manipulation, as she shifts her stance to make me feel confused or uncertain about what’s truly important to her.

Repeatedly Testing Boundaries and Emotional Manipulation:

When she continued asking the same question over and over, despite my explanation, it felt like she was intentionally trying to trigger me. This is a classic manipulation tactic used to provoke an emotional response or gain control of the situation.

Shifting Blame and Gaslighting:

When I raised my voice and expressed my frustration, she seemed shocked by my reaction, despite having provoked it. This could be a form of gaslighting, where she makes me question whether my feelings or reactions are valid, even though her actions were the cause of the tension.

The Shifting Promises: Confusion and Contradiction

One day, she told me that she wanted to move to another country with me. I asked, “Okay, but what about your family and friends here?” She responded, “It’s okay. The family members take care of each other. They don’t need me.”

A few days later, I asked about this again, wondering if she truly meant what she had said. “Do you really want to move to another country with me if the opportunity came up?” I asked. Her response was unexpected. “No, why should I?” she replied.

I was taken aback. “But you told me this not long ago,” I said. She seemed confused. “No, why should I tell you this?” she answered. “I have my family and everything here.”

At that point, I reminded her of exactly what she had said just days earlier. After hearing me recount her words, she admitted, “Oh, yes, I was fantasizing.” Suddenly, what she had claimed was a serious possibility now seemed like a fleeting idea—a fantasy, she said.

Inconsistent Communication and Gaslighting:

She initially told me she wanted to move to another country with me, but then, a few days later, she completely denied it. When I reminded her of what she said earlier, she claimed she was “fantasizing.” This flip-flopping made me question what was real, and it felt like she was trying to make me doubt my understanding of the situation.

Lack of Accountability and Deflection:

Instead of taking responsibility for her contradictory statements, she acted confused and made me feel like I was misunderstanding things. It felt like she was deflecting and avoiding owning up to her own words, which only left me more confused.

Lack of Emotional Stability and Commitment:

Her sudden change in attitude about such a big decision showed a lack of emotional stability. I couldn’t rely on her words, and it made me feel uncertain about where I stood with her.

The Shower Incident: Trust and Misunderstanding

One day, I was getting ready to take a shower, as I usually do, and brought my phone with me because I like to listen to music while I shower.

It’s a small habit of mine, nothing more. But when she saw me with my phone, she said, “I don’t like that you bring your phone into the shower.” I was taken aback. I had never given her any reason to suspect that I was doing anything other than listening to music, so I didn’t understand why it was a problem.

I tried to explain my reasoning, hoping she would understand. Then she replied don’t exaggerate, but it was she that exaggerated so that was very strange she replied that i exaggerated when i explained why i should take phone with me. But she insisted again, “I don’t like it. Can you leave it outside?” In that moment, I started to feel a little hurt and confused. My immediate thought was, Does this mean you don’t trust me?

(Now i understand it was also about control)

It wasn’t about the phone at all—it was about her reaction, which made me feel as though I was being accused of something I hadn’t done. My frustration and stress built up, and I found myself raising my voice, asking, “What the hell is the actual problem here? Why does it even matter?” I wasn’t angry, just overwhelmed. She immediately snapped back, “Don’t speak to me like that.” I was stunned. It felt like I was being punished for simply trying to explain myself, when all I had done was ask for some clarity. It felt like she was trying to trigger me, and this time, she succeeded—just a little.

What hit me hardest was that I had done nothing wrong, yet I was being treated as though I couldn’t be trusted. It made me feel sad and triggered, wondering what kind of relationship we were really building if simple, innocent actions like this were being met with suspicion and defensiveness.

Lack of Trust and Control:

She insisted that I couldn’t bring my phone into the shower, even though it was just a small habit of mine. I didn’t understand why it was a problem. It felt like she wanted to control the situation, and when I tried to explain my reasoning, it felt like she was accusing me of something I hadn’t done.

Gaslighting:

When I tried to explain myself, she downplayed my feelings, telling me I was “exaggerating.” That made me feel like I was wrong for just wanting to bring my phone with me. It made me doubt myself and my own feelings, which is exactly what she wanted.

Accusation Without Evidence:

She made me feel like I couldn’t be trusted, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was as if I was being accused without reason, and that made me question what kind of relationship we were really building

The Breakup on My Birthday: Confusion and Sadness

The first breakup came on my birthday, and I was completely confused by her reaction. I had received thoughtful presents from her, which made me happy and reassured me that she cared about me and wanted to surprise me.

We had planned to do a puzzle together, and she brought her phone along, which seemed harmless to me—just a way to keep it close while we spent time together. I thought, If she’s doing it, then I’ll also bring my phone along. But as soon as I did, she gave me a look that made it clear she wasn’t happy about it.

A little later, we started to disagree on some things, and I tried to ask her why she felt the way she did. But whenever I asked, it seemed like she took it as criticism, and the atmosphere started to feel more tense.

I couldn’t understand why she was so triggered by something so small. As the conversation escalated, I felt more and more sad and frustrated. I genuinely tried to explain myself, but she repeatedly said, “I know you’re not telling the truth right now,” even though I was completely honest.

My intuition told me that she was pushing for an argument and, somehow, wanted to create tension. It felt like manipulation, and I was on the defensive, not with anger, but with sadness. I couldn’t understand why, no matter what I said, she wasn’t hearing me.

I asked her, “Can you see now that I’m not lying?” (when i was very sad) but she seemed distant, cold even, and it hurt deeply. I had tried so hard to explain myself because I wanted everything to be good between us.

I began to feel sad because I realized she wasn’t confused or unable to understand me—her secret all along was that she wanted control. She was trying to trigger me, and it wasn’t about miscommunication or misunderstanding; it was about her having the power in the situation.

But it didn’t stop there. The tension continued to build, and we couldn’t find any common ground. Eventually, she said, “Maybe it’s better if we’re not together.” I asked her, “Do you really want that?” and she replied, “Yes.”

That’s when I took a taxi home from her place, leaving the gifts behind. It was a heartbreaking moment, feeling like I had tried everything, but it still wasn’t enough. My birthday ended in a way I never expected.

Emotional Manipulation:

She seemed to intentionally create tension, escalating small disagreements into bigger issues. It felt like she was manipulating the situation to make me frustrated and confused, instead of resolving things calmly.

Gaslighting:

She kept accusing me of not telling the truth, even though I was being completely honest. It was as if she wanted to make me doubt my own perception of the situation, and I was left questioning my reality.

Lack of Empathy:

When I tried to explain myself and was feeling sad, she just became distant and cold. It felt like she didn’t care about my feelings and wasn’t willing to listen to me, as though my emotions didn’t matter to her at all.

Desire for Control:

It felt like she was intentionally triggering me, wanting to have power over the situation. It wasn’t about us having a mutual understanding; it seemed like she wanted to control the emotional dynamic between us, regardless of how I felt.

The Confusing Reconciliation: Mixed Signals and Doubts

After the breakup, I felt a mix of confusion and sadness, especially given how it all ended on my birthday. But a couple of days later, she reach out to me again and wanted to meet and talk. I felt a bit optimistic at first because I couldn’t understand why things had ended so abruptly, and I hoped we could somehow work things out.

She came by my apartment, and though it didn’t feel like a real question from her side, she said something along the lines of, “Maybe we could be together again.” I thought I understood what she was trying to express, even though it seemed difficult for her to ask outright—maybe out of pride or uncertainty. Despite everything, I started to feel more positive inside, thinking there was hope for us.

But then, her words and actions started to feel odd. She mentioned that it was good we were getting back together because otherwise, I might meet another girl while she was visiting her parents that weekend. That hit me strangely. Here she was, declaring us as a couple again in such a brief, almost impersonal way, but it didn’t seem like she truly cared about being with me. It felt like I was more of a fallback option, and the fact that she came over for just 10 minutes to “reconcile” only made it feel even more confusing. I was left wondering why she even bothered if she didn’t seem invested in making things work.

Lack of Genuine Care or Empathy:

She mentioned that it was good we were getting back together to prevent me from meeting another girl while she was visiting her parents. It felt like she wasn’t really emotionally invested and was just doing it to keep control over the situation.

Manipulation and Self-Centeredness:

When she talked about getting back together, it felt like it was more about her needs and what worked for her rather than any mutual desire to rebuild the relationship. It felt manipulative, as if my feelings didn’t matter as much as hers.

Emotional Inconsistency:

She gave mixed signals—she briefly came over to “reconcile,” but her actions didn’t show any real effort to make things work. It made me feel confused, like I couldn’t get a clear answer from her on what she really wanted.

Using Me as a Backup Option:

The way she talked about us getting back together made me feel like I was just a backup option. It seemed like she wasn’t fully valuing me and was only considering it because it was convenient for her.

Inability to Offer True Reassurance or Closure:

When she came over, it didn’t feel like she was genuinely trying to work things out. It felt like she was just doing the minimum, leaving me with no real reassurance or closure.

Changing Expectations: Marriage on Paper

At first, we had a conversation about whether it would be an issue for either of us if we didn’t want children or get married. We both agreed that it didn’t really matter as long as we liked each other and were happy together.

But as time went on, things started to shift. Gradually, it seemed like she was trying to steer me toward the idea of marriage. At first, I thought she was joking, but as the discussions continued, I realized she wasn’t.

She told me that it didn’t really matter if we had a wedding ceremony, as long as we were married on paper. That struck me as odd and unnecessary. When I asked her why it had to be just on paper, she replied, “It shows that we belong together.”

I couldn’t understand why the focus was on the paperwork if we were already in a relationship and in the very beginning. Why was it so important to get married just for the legal aspect? We had already talked about this, and she knew it wasn’t a big issue for me if we didn’t get married also she was agreeing that this part was not so important as other things.

She seemed to get a bit disturbed when I expressed uncertainty, saying that many people get married early, almost like she was trying to justify why it should be a priority. But for me, it didn’t feel right to rush into something I wasn’t sure about, especially when it didn’t feel like it was based on the deeper emotional connection we shared. It made me feel like the focus was shifting away from what really mattered—our bond—into something more surface-level and pressured.

Shifting Priorities for Personal Gain: At first, we had agreed that marriage wasn’t a big deal for either of us, but over time, it felt like she was pushing me toward marriage for reasons I didn’t understand. This shift seemed more about her personal needs than about what we had initially agreed on, and it felt like she was trying to control the direction of our relationship based on her changing desires.

Using Marriage for External Validation: When she mentioned that it didn’t matter if we had a ceremony as long as we were “married on paper,” it made me realize that for her, it wasn’t about the emotional connection we shared. It was about securing some kind of external validation or social status through the legal aspect of marriage. This was unsettling because it made the focus shift away from the relationship itself and onto something surface-level.

Lack of Consideration for My Feelings or Concerns: When I expressed uncertainty about marriage, she seemed disturbed and tried to justify why it should be a priority. It felt like my feelings and concerns didn’t matter as much as her own desires, which made me feel pressured. Instead of understanding my viewpoint, she was more focused on convincing me to align with her goals.

Pressuring Me into a Decision: The way she pushed for marriage even though we had discussed that it wasn’t necessary made me feel like I was being coerced into something I wasn’t sure about. It wasn’t about the emotional bond we shared but about her pressing for a decision based on external pressures, making me feel rushed into something that didn’t feel right.

Lack of Emotional Depth in the Relationship: When the conversation kept shifting toward marriage for the wrong reasons, it felt like the emotional depth of our connection was being replaced by a legal contract. It made me question if the relationship was about us being emotionally connected, or if it was just about meeting her personal desires and societal expectations.

These traits made me feel uncomfortable, as it seemed that the relationship was moving toward something superficial, with more focus on control and external validation than on building a deeper emotional connection.

The Joke That Wasn’t Really a Joke

She started making strange comments, almost like she was trying to provoke a reaction from me. One thing she said repeatedly was, “I know you’re rich, and I understand if you don’t want to say if you are.” The problem was, there was no context for these comments—they just came out of nowhere, and they were completely unrelated to anything we were talking about.

I had already told her multiple times other days that I wasn’t rich, but she kept bringing it up. It made me feel uncomfortable, especially because she was insisting on something that wasn’t true. I tried to explain to her again that I wasn’t rich, and asked why she repeatedly coming with these comments, but her response was, “Do you think I’m secretly hoping you’re rich?” Her voice was now raised.

At that point, I realized that this wasn’t going anywhere, and I decided to change the subject. I thought to myself, Surely, after I’ve already said this and she raised her voice, she must understand that I don’t appreciate these comments—even if she thought it was some kind of joke.

But there was no laughter, no smiles, just tension every time she brought it up. It became clear that this was more than just a casual joke—it felt intentional, and it didn’t sit well with me.

Eventually, the comment came up again, and that’s when I understood something wasn’t right. The repeated nature of it left me questioning her motives, and it made me feel like I was being disrespected or manipulated.

Lack of Respect for Boundaries

She kept bringing up that I was rich, even though I had told her multiple times that I wasn’t. It made me uncomfortable, especially since she kept insisting on something that wasn’t true.

Gaslighting

I tried to explain it to her again, but she raised her voice and asked, “Do you think I’m secretly hoping you’re rich?” It felt like she was purposely trying to provoke me, even though I had already told her I wasn’t comfortable with those comments.

Persistent Disregard for Feelings

There was no humor or lightheartedness, just tension every time she brought it up. It made me realize that this wasn’t just a casual joke—it felt intentional.

Manipulation

The more she repeated it, the more I started to feel disrespected and manipulated. I began to wonder why she was pushing this narrative and why she wasn’t respecting my boundaries.

Self-Centeredness

She was only focused on getting a reaction from me, and that didn’t sit well with me at all.

The Belittling: When Curiosity Was Misunderstood

I’ve always been a curious person, especially when it comes to my partner. I want to understand them deeply so we can create a strong bond and feel as happy as possible together.

So, when she seemed lost in thought, I’d often ask what was on her mind, hoping to get to know her better. But more often than not, she would seem disturbed by my questions. It left me feeling confused, like I was doing something wrong by showing interest.

One day, when I asked her what she was thinking, she responded with, “Not everything is about you.” I was taken aback. Here I was, asking with good intentions—wanting to know her better and strengthen our connection—and she responded like that. It felt belittling, and I couldn’t understand why she would react that way.

I asked her why she said that, expressing that I didn’t appreciate her response. She casually brushed it off, saying, “It was only a joke.” But it didn’t feel like a joke. Neither of us was smiling or laughing. It just felt hurtful. I told her, “In that case, please stop with these jokes. They’re not funny.”

I was trying to create an open, understanding space for us to connect, and it felt like my efforts were being dismissed and minimized.

Lack of Empathy

When I asked her what was on her mind, she responded with “Not everything is about you.” Her reaction made me feel like my curiosity and desire to connect was being shut down, leaving me confused and hurt.

Belittling Behavior

Her response to my question felt belittling. I was asking with good intentions, wanting to understand her better, but she dismissed my attempt to connect as unimportant.

Dismissing Concerns

When I expressed that I didn’t appreciate her comment, she casually brushed it off, claiming it was “only a joke.

Invalidation

Instead of respecting my feelings and acknowledging that her comment hurt me, she dismissed my emotions.

Self-Centeredness

Her reaction suggested that she couldn’t understand why I’d ask about her thoughts in the first place, as if my curiosity was a burden.

Last-Minute Changes: Mixed Signals and Disappointment

There were several times when we had planned to meet, but she would cancel our dates at the very last minute. The first time this happened, we had talked about it a week before, and I was building up my excitement and happiness for the weekend we had planned together. I was looking forward to seeing her after a long week of work, and we had agreed to meet close to my job after I finished my day.

But when we finally met, she told me that she had decided to go meet her family instead. Of course, it’s perfectly fine to spend time with family, but it felt hurtful when this decision was made at the very last minute, leaving me no time to adjust or make new plans. What made it even worse was that I really wanted to spend the weekend with her, and we had already scheduled it.

I asked her, “But we already scheduled our weekend—why are you saying you’re going to your parents’?” She explained that they wanted to see her, and she felt like she had to go. However, she added, “If you want, I can be with you instead.” This left me feeling confused and uncertain. Here she was, telling me she had plans with her family but still offering to be with me if I wanted, which felt like mixed signals.

It was hard to understand why she would say one thing but then offer another, and it left me questioning where I stood. I told her that I really wanted to spend time with her that weekend, but if she felt the need to go to her family, I would respect that decision. Still, it didn’t feel great to be in that position, especially after building up my expectations for the weekend.

Lack of Respect for Others’ Time

She canceled our plans at the last minute without considering the time and emotional energy I had invested.

Mixed Signals

Her statement, “If you want, I can be with you instead,” felt like a mixed signal. She had already planned to go see her family, but then casually offered to change her plans, which confused me and made me feel uncertain about where I stood.

Emotional Manipulation

By offering to meet up with me after canceling our plans, she made it seem like I could be the one to make the final decision. This manipulative behavior can create emotional confusion, as she isn’t clearly stating true intentions, keeping me unsure of what to expect.

Lack of Empathy and Consideration

Even though I had been looking forward to our plans and expressed my desire to spend time with her, her actions showed a lack of empathy.

Last-Minute Rescheduling: Feeling Unimportant

There was another time when she rescheduled our date because she wanted to meet a friend she doesn’t see often. While I understood and respected that, it was still a little sad, especially since it was only a day before she told me and it was in the evening before. It felt like this behavior was becoming a pattern, and it left me feeling disappointed. I then explained to her that i need to get to know these things earlier so that i can plan something else, it does not feel good to get this news just the day before.

We planned to meet the following weekend instead, and I was really looking forward to it. I was excited to see her again and hoped to spend some quality time together. But once again, when we met at her area, she told me that her friend was still at her place, and we couldn’t meet that day either. This time, it was on the actual day of our meeting, just like the first time when she had decided to visit her parents.

She waited until the last minute again, and when I arrived in her area, we ended up just grabbing something to eat. I felt very bad at that moment, as though I wasn’t a priority. It was hard not to feel like I wasn’t valued or treated as a partner should be. I struggled to keep my composure, and while I succeeded outwardly, inside, I felt like I was screaming.

That weekend, instead of the two and a half days we had planned, I got one day with her. It made me realize that my time and feelings weren’t being respected, and it left me questioning how much I really mattered to her.

Lack of Consideration for Others’ Time

She rescheduled our date last minute, which left me feeling disappointed and unimportant.

Self-Centeredness and Prioritizing Own Needs

She prioritized meeting her friend over our planned time together, even though it was a sudden decision.

Emotional Manipulation and Avoidance

The repeated last-minute changes in plans, followed by vague reasons for her unavailability, felt like an attempt to manipulate the situation.

Lack of Respect for Boundaries and Feelings

When I expressed how important it was for me to know about schedule changes in advance, it seemed to be ignored, and it continued to happen.

Making Others Feel Unimportant

When we finally met, it felt like I wasn’t a priority. She didn’t value my time or emotions, leaving me questioning my importance in the relationship.

The Struggle to Please: Feeling Unappreciated

I gave her multiple gifts within the first two months of our relationship, hoping to show my affection and make her feel special. On our first date, I gave her a single rose as a gesture, then a small housewarming gift when she had moved to a new place. I even sent roses to her job, hoping to brighten her day, but she didn’t seem particularly happy about it. When I asked if anyone had asked about the flowers, she responded, “Yes, they said, ‘Oh, did you get flowers?’” but she didn’t mention that they were from me, her partner. Instead, she said, “I know who it’s from,” which made me feel uncomfortable, as if she didn’t want others to know we were together.

Maybe I did give her too much attention with gifts and flowers in those two months, but I truly wanted to make her happy. Yet, despite all the gestures, it seemed like nothing ever made her genuinely happy or excited. It was as though no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough.

One day, while we were waiting for the bus, we saw a woman get off the bus with a gift. She said, “Oh, I never get any gifts.” I could tell it wasn’t a genuine comment, but rather an attempt to elicit a response from me. I knew she had already received so much from me in a short time, and it felt like she was only using me for my resources, playing a game with me. Despite feeling this way, I decided to buy her more gifts—a piece of jewelry and a dinner with candles, hoping to make her feel appreciated.

When I gave her the gift, she seemed “okay” with it, but I had to ask if she liked it, as she didn’t seem to express any enthusiasm on her own. This felt a little discouraging.

The necklace I gave her another day came with the same awkwardness. Before I even gave it to her, she asked if it was a ring inside. Both times, she asked if it was a ring, which felt disappointing. It made me think she would be let down if it wasn’t what she was hoping for.

After giving the gift and having a small dinner, she brought up a post I had shared about attachment. She said she didn’t like it and that it made her feel insecure. I was taken aback. I had just put in effort to show her that I cared—gifts, a special dinner—but it wasn’t enough. I responded, asking, “But I just bought you gifts and made dinner with candles. Doesn’t that reassure you?” She replied, “It’s not enough,” and then immediately brought up the topic of marriage again, saying that people get married early.

Lack of Appreciation for Thoughtful Gestures

Despite my efforts to show affection through thoughtful gifts, such as roses and jewelry, her response was often underwhelming and dismissive.

Entitlement and Self-Centeredness

When she made a comment about never receiving gifts, despite already receiving numerous gifts from me, it felt like she was trying to manipulate me into giving more.

Emotional Manipulation and Indifference

Her lack of enthusiasm when I gave her gifts and the expectation that I would continue providing without ever being satisfied reflects emotional manipulation.

Lack of Gratitude

When I asked if she liked the necklace and she seemed indifferent, it made me question whether she genuinely appreciated my gestures. Narcissists tend to lack gratitude for the efforts others put into the relationship, as their focus is typically on their own needs and desires.

Making Others Feel Inadequate

After I put in so much effort with gifts and a special dinner, her response about the attachment post made me feel like nothing I did was enough.

The Mixed Signals: Trying to Care, but Feeling Rejected

Before our weekend trip, we had discussed where to go, and I was going to make the booking. However, as usual, her phone seemed to be her best friend, and when I told her about the trip and that I was about to make the booking, she didn’t show much interest.

I had to ask her if she was even listening, and it left me feeling sad. This was supposed to be a special time for us, our first little trip together, but it felt like I was the only one invested in it. If she didn’t want to go, I thought, she should have just said so, so I wouldn’t waste my time, energy, and resources.

When we were actually on the trip, her phone was even more of a priority than usual, and she felt more distant than ever. There was no smiling or enthusiasm, just the same lack of connection I had been feeling for a while.

One moment that stood out during the trip was when she got sick. I wanted to help her get something from pharmacy in town that might ease her sickness, but she insisted she knew what would help and didn’t want me to go anyway. I wanted her to feel better, so I gently massaged her shoulders and back and stroked her hair. But when I did, she moved away from me, curling up further away in bed. I was confused.

Was she trying to push me away when I was only trying to help? So, I asked her, “Don’t you want me to be close or not touching you?” She replied, “Yes, I want you to.” But then she moved away again. This pattern continued until she was as far from me as she could get.

I felt so sad and confused. Here I was, trying my best to take care of her, and she kept sending me mixed signals. I didn’t understand why she was rejecting me when all I wanted was for her to feel good and be happy.

As the day went on, I got sick too—much worse than her. I was in bed, going to the bathroom constantly, feeling like I’d never been so sick in my life. She started to get better, but I still felt terrible. Eventually, I asked if we could watch a movie together, hoping to feel closer.

She agreed but chose to sit on the sofa instead that was on the other side of the room in a corner, saying it was easier to see the screen from there. As she said that, she plugged in her phone. I felt hurt again—this wasn’t about the movie. It felt like she wanted to keep her distance from me, distracted by her phone, texting someone while I was in bed alone.

After the movie, I asked her a difficult question. I wanted to know if we could promise to always be honest with each other, especially if either of us ever thought about being with someone else.

I didn’t want to be in a relationship where one person was hiding things. Her response shocked me. She said, “It’s not so motivating that you ask me this question.”

I was stunned. I replied, “Really? Because I think it’s motivating to make this promise to each other.”

She answered, “If I promise this, I might lose an opportunity.”

At that moment, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It felt so hurtful, and I didn’t know how to process it. She quickly added, “You should not misunderstand me now.” Her words left me feeling more distant and very unsure about where we stood.

Not many days after this little vacation i felt that it was unbearable and told her that its better we brake up and after that i blocked her and never contacted her again.

Lack of Emotional Investment and Disconnection

During our trip, I noticed that she wasn’t emotionally invested. She spent more time on her phone than actually engaging with me, which made me feel disconnected. This behavior was clear to me, as it felt like she wasn’t interested in connecting or being present with me.

Mixed Signals and Inconsistent Behavior

When I tried to take care of her, she moved away from me and didn’t want me to touch her, but then said she wanted me close. This was confusing, and it felt like she was sending me mixed signals. I didn’t know where I stood with her because her actions didn’t match her words, which left me feeling uncertain.

Self-Centeredness and Lack of Empathy

While I was feeling really sick, she chose to sit far from me and stay on her phone instead of being there for me. It made me feel like she wasn’t empathetic to my situation and didn’t care about my well-being, showing that she was focused on her own needs.

Lack of Transparency and Dishonesty

When I asked her about the promise of honesty, her response didn’t feel genuine. It was almost like she was avoiding being honest or open about her feelings, which only added to the confusion in our relationship.

Manipulative Behavior and Deflecting Responsibility

Her response about possibly “losing an opportunity” if she promised honesty made me feel manipulated. It felt like she was trying to keep her options open, using that comment to avoid commitment and deflect responsibility for her actions.

Dismissing and Invalidating Your Feelings

When I expressed my concerns and feelings, she quickly dismissed them, saying, “You should not misunderstand me now.” This made me feel like my emotions didn’t matter, and it wasn’t the first time she invalidated what I was feeling.

Awakening to My True Self: Finding My Purpose

Looking back on this relationship, I can see that it was a powerful catalyst for awakening my true self. It wasn’t only the moments of togetherness—it was the struggles, the confusion, and the emotional pain that revealed the parts of myself I had neglected. In trying to care for someone else, I had unknowingly deprived myself of the love, attention, and respect I deserved. I had built patterns of self-sacrifice, thinking it was a way to show how much I cared. But through this experience, I came to realize that I needed to first care for myself before I could truly give to others.

For far too long, I had focused on making everyone else feel good, expecting that their happiness would somehow validate me. But I now understand that it’s not sustainable. The sacrifices I made left me feeling drained and unappreciated, and I began to recognize that this dynamic was not healthy for me. I was giving so much, but I was not receiving the same energy in return. In fact, it started to feel like my efforts were either ignored or undervalued, and this slowly eroded my sense of worth.

It wasn’t until I had the space to reflect on this relationship that I realized I had been neglecting my own needs—my desire for respect, appreciation, and honesty. Through the actions and words that left me feeling confused, rejected, or misunderstood, I began to understand that my needs mattered too. I began to see that I deserve to be in a relationship where mutual respect and care are present, and where both partners are equally invested in each other’s well-being.

It wasn’t just the negative experiences that taught me about myself. There were also moments that made me feel cherished and appreciated. Those moments were a reminder of the importance of being with someone who truly sees and values you for who you are. But even those moments weren’t enough to overshadow the deeper and many issues that arose, which made me question the foundation of the relationship itself. In those quiet moments of reflection, I realized that I wasn’t fully able to be myself, and that truth was a wake-up call.

I learned to trust my intuition. The moments of doubt and discomfort were not random—they were signs. They were my inner self trying to guide me toward clarity. I had ignored them for a while, but as the relationship progressed, I could no longer dismiss the growing dissonance between what I wanted and what was actually happening. The confusion and the emotional exhaustion I felt were clues leading me to a deeper understanding of my true desires. I wanted peace, respect, and an authentic connection. I had neglected my own voice in favor of trying to please someone else, but I now understand that true fulfillment can only come when I honor my own needs first.

The experiences that once seemed hurtful or confusing now serve as stepping stones toward a deeper connection with my own self. I learned that I am worthy of love, care, and respect and should not give too much when it’s not reciprocated. I’ve learned that self-love isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for healthy relationships and for finding the clarity to pursue my true purpose.

Through this journey, I’ve come to see that my purpose is not just about achieving success or happiness in the traditional sense, because I already felt I had this inside me for a long time. It’s about living authentically, embracing all parts of myself—my strengths, my vulnerabilities, my desires, and my boundaries. Now, with this newfound clarity, I’m stepping into the future with even more confidence than ever, knowing that I am moving in the right direction. My purpose isn’t defined by anyone else’s expectations; it’s about creating a life that reflects who I truly am. I’m excited for what’s to come, ready to embrace the unknown with open arms as always.

Each experience, each lesson has been a crucial part of my growth, and I am grateful for the journey that has led me to this point. This relationship, with some highs and a lot of lows, has given me the space to discover more truths about who I am. And now, with a renewed sense of purpose, I’m ready to create the life I’ve always envisioned—one that aligns with my new authentic self, filled with more love, peace, and confidence.

My journey is far from over, and I understand that the purpose I was seeking in my life was closer than I could imagine. The clarity I’ve gained is a reflection of my growth, and I’m excited for the new adventures and experiences that await me. Im more sure than ever that my journey is about fully embracing who I am and trusting in the path I’m on. This is my purpose, and it’s only just beginning.

Kind Regards

Jens Lidén

(Love AURA Magnet)

16/3 /2025

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I’m the creator of Love AURA Magnet, a platform on Facebook and Instagram focused on helping individuals connect with their true selves and embrace their unique journeys of personal growth and healing. My mission is to empower people to reclaim their sense of self-worth, tap into their inner peace, and embrace their authentic selves.

What excites me most about Love AURA Magnet is the possibility to guide others through their self-discovery journey. I believe that by cultivating self-love, mindfulness, and emotional clarity, individuals can unlock their full potential and live with purpose and fulfillment. It’s not just about giving advice—it’s about creating an environment where individuals are encouraged to take ownership of their own transformation and grow at their own pace.

One thing that’s really special about my work is the personal connection I build with my community. I shared my own experiences, challenges, and breakthroughs, so others can feel inspired to begin their own journey. I want people to know that they have the power within themselves to make meaningful changes, and I encourage them to take those steps towards growth.

Looking ahead, I’m excited to expand my offerings with new events and content, aimed at deepening the experience for those who follow Love AURA Magnet. While I don’t know exactly when or how these developments will unfold, I’m always open to new opportunities and will go with the flow as things come together.

I’m excited to have started my collaboration with Gaia, where I have the opportunity to promote their incredible resources for spiritual growth and healing. Through this collaboration, I can offer my community access to Gaia’s content while also have possibility to earning a commission. It’s a great way for us to work together to support individuals on their path to transformation.

I want everyone to know that you are worthy of love, success, and happiness. Embrace your unique journey with confidence, and know that Love AURA Magnet is here to provide resources, inspiration, and encouragement as you step into your fullest potential.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Looking back, I believe the three qualities that have been most impactful—and that I continue to work on—are mindset, resilience, and consistency.

Mindset:

Maintaining a positive and growth-oriented mindset has been essential throughout my journey, and it’s something I’m still actively cultivating. It shapes how I approach challenges and turns obstacles into opportunities.

A mindset focused on growth helps me stay motivated, even when I face setbacks, and I’m continually working to strengthen it.

Advice: To develop a strong mindset, focus on what you can control and challenge negative thoughts. Practice positive affirmations daily, and embrace each step of the journey as part of your growth. This is an ongoing process, so be patient with yourself as you build it.

Resilience:

Building resilience has been crucial, and I still find myself working to bounce back from challenges. Resilience is about staying strong mentally and emotionally, especially during tough times. It’s something I’m learning to strengthen continuously as I face new obstacles in my journey.

Advice: Develop your resilience by staying connected to your purpose. Remind yourself of your ability to handle whatever comes your way. The more you face adversity and continue pushing forward, the stronger you become. It’s a lifelong effort, but each challenge makes you more resilient.

Consistency:

Consistency is still one of the most important areas I focus on. Whether it’s showing up every day for my work or maintaining positive habits, consistency helps me make progress. While it’s sometimes hard to stay on track, I’ve learned that it’s the small, consistent actions that lead to transformation over time.

Advice: Start small with achievable goals that align with your bigger vision. Incorporate them into your routine, and keep showing up—especially when motivation fades. The results will come from staying persistent, and consistency is an ongoing practice.

For anyone early in their journey, my advice is to embrace these qualities and know that they are practices you’ll continue to develop. Focus on maintaining a growth-oriented mindset, strengthen your resilience with each challenge, and stay consistent in your actions. This journey is ongoing, but with time, you’ll see the transformation unfold.

What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?

In the past 12 months, my biggest area of growth and improvement has definitely been the growth of my Facebook and Instagram pages. These platforms have allowed me to connect with a wider audience and expand my reach in ways I never imagined.

When I first started, I almost knew nothing about how to create videos or manage content. I was learning everything from scratch. But through consistent effort, trial and error, and a commitment to improving, I was able to grow my following to over 100k followers. Along the way, I also sought guidance from coaches who helped me navigate this journey and sharpen my skills.

As I’ve focused on building and growing these pages, I’ve also experienced a transformation in myself that’s been nothing short of a rocket launch. Not only have I been able to share my journey and insights more broadly, but I’ve also been deeply impacted by the connection I’ve made with others. The process of putting myself out there, sharing my message, and growing my community has been a transformative experience.

It’s a reminder that growth isn’t just about professional success; it’s also about personal evolution. As my online presence has flourished, so has my inner growth and confidence, and it’s exciting to see how these two aspects of my life are evolving together.

For anyone looking to grow and transform, I’d say the key is to take action, be consistent, and trust the process—both professionally and personally. When you commit to something with passion and focus, the results can be incredible. And don’t hesitate to seek help from mentors or coaches along the way—they can provide invaluable support and guidance.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://sacredsoulhealingjourney.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loveauramagnet?igsh=MTc5Y2RmbGpoNXR1aA==
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1EqHhE3yuT/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jens-lid%C3%A9n-a058a6265
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@loveauramagnet
• Other: https://linktr.ee/Love_AURA_Magnet