Meet Jerrell L. Henderson

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jerrell L. Henderson a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Jerrell L. , first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.

It’s funny, all of my life I felt like I did not really belong in the spaces I found myself. Then I got a bit older and spoke to a few more people and realized that everyone else is battling their own version of I.S. That was helpful to my psyche for a while, you know? Knowing that I wasn’t the only one. Not even close. After a while, though, that connection wasn’t enough to overcome the anxiety I felt in both private and public spaces in terms of whether or not I had any right to be there.

After I finished my graduate degree (Northwestern, Directing MFA ’15), I thought I had Imposter Syndrome licked. I was so confident in my abilities as a director. Honestly, for years I walked into spaces genuinely feeling as if, “I belong here.” Fast forward roughly ten years later and my confidence in my abilities has not decreased, yet I find myself once again battling I.S. It really freaks me out and sometimes just plain annoys and frustrates me. I mean, what the hell at this point, right? I am confident in who I am and I know what I have to offer and I work, actively work, to remain respectful of what I do not know. How at this point in my journey can I still be wrestling with this feeling which has haunted me since I was a child?

But maybe that’s the point. I am not sure any of us ever overcomes Imposter Syndrome. As we grow and develop, so too do our fears, anxiety, inner hopes, guarded wishes, etc. I think the best we can do is learn how to recognize the symptoms when they arrive in order to first understand what’s happening with ourselves. From there we can work on containing the emotional responses long enough to lean into the healthier psychological/emotional defenses we have gathered over the years. Beginning with breath, right? Like, how are you breathing right now? Are you breathing? Asking, what triggered this feeling? Where is this coming from? Recognizing that the feeling isn’t new. That I have dealt with this before. Allowing compassion for myself and granting myself the patience of understanding that part of life is re-visiting how one navigates reoccurring mental trauma. And of course, therapy has been a major game changer.

Lastly, I have a reserve of art I can use for meditation purposes in order to remind myself of who I am and what’s important to me. The combination of awareness, breath control, productive mental health practices and the people and art I have surrounded myself with go a long way in freeing me from the fear which triggers I.S. releasing me back into the psychological space I have worked so hard to reach. It’s an on-going and sometimes quite circuitous path. But it’s the only one I know which yields positive results. I do not believe I will ever overcome Imposter Syndrome, but if I keep doing what I’m doing, when it arrives, I’ll have some deep breaths, some Shirley Horn songs, and a cup of tea waiting for it.

Hope this helps!

JLH

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I took my first steps onto a stage with The (New) Freedom Theatre in Philadelphia, PA. when I was about seven years old. From there, I spent most of my childhood, adolesence, teenage years singing in choirs and performing in church and community events. Without question one of the coolest experiences was performing at the Philadelphia Academy of Music with Peter Nero and the Philly Pops.

Undergrad saw me complete a BA in Theatre Arts (Performance) while simulatanously deep diving into all topics related to Black Theatre and Film history. During this time I also began to dabble in writing and directing.

Once graduated I worked, on and off, with Walnut Street Theatre’s education department in Philly for roughly nine years. This was the period in which I would shift from performer to primarily teacher. This is also the period in which I began to professionally direct. I am eternally grateful to my former boss, the director of the education department, for seeing a director within me. Through consistent directing assignments over the course of years, she provided opportunities for me to succeed as well as get it wrong. Once each production was mounted, no matter how the process had gone, she would invite me to question what about the process worked and what didn’t. This was invaluable.

I began to seek opportunities to direct outside of Walnut Street’s education department. I found an opportunity with Philadelphia Young Playwrights’ annual monologue festival. I also found success directing Zooman and the Sign by Charles Fuller and In The Blood by Suzan-Lori Parks at Allens Lane Art Center, a community theatre just outside of center city Philadelphia. Wanting to be seen more as a director who teaches than a teacher who directs, I began to seek graduate school programs for theatrical directing. In an effort to break away from the familiar, I briefly moved to New Brunswick, New Jersey. While teaching for George Street Playhouse in New Brunswick and the McCarter in Princeton, I was able to form a relationship, including assistant directing, with Crossroads Theatre also in New Brunswick.

The summer of 2012, I participated in the Lincoln Center Directors Lab and in the fall of 2012, I began Northwestern University’s MFA Directing program. The move to Chicago (technically Evanston, IL.) signaled the beginning of the second half of my life. Upon completing the program in 2015, I have spent the bulk of my time working as a freelance director while teaching at a few colleges and universities. While I am still pursuing dreams and goals in theatre, puppetry, and film, without question, my current life is a harvest of the seeds I began planting during my time in Philly.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Personal Reflection – You have to know where you’ve been in order to understand where you’re going.

Community – A productive community will challange you in ways which assist your growth. They will also provide comfort and support when necessary.

Inspiring Artists and Art – These are the creative blue prints which help keep you honest in terms of who you are and what you
hope to offer as artist and human being.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

If there’s a deadline pending, I work through it and rest immediately after. However, if I have the time…when I am overwhelmed, I stop. I just stop. I go for a walk. I take a nap. I play with my dog. I lay on the couch, stare out the window, and listen to a Broadway cast album. I watch an episode of Black A.F.

All the old cliche’s contain that nugget of universal truth:

You cannot help to heal others if you are unclear as to how you yourself are broken
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Nothing from Nothing leaves Nothing

When I am overwhlemed, and I can afford to, I stop. If I cannot afford to, I finish what I need to finish in order to secure my ability to work/survive and then I rest. Rest is essential.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

AmericanMYTH: A Riff in Shadow & Light in 3 Rhythmic Movements with NHSI/Northwestern – Sotirios Livaditis

The Caucasian Chalk Circle with Franklin & Marshall College – Jerrell L. Henderson

Little Amal Drifts Off To Sleep with Chicago International Puppet Theater Festival – Jess Mott Wickstrom

Ragtime at Metropolis Performing Arts Centre – Jennifer Heim

CAGED (Rehearsal) with Passage Theatre – Anthony Domingues

The Prodigal Daughter with Raven Theatre – Michael Brosilow

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