We recently connected with Jessica Tolar and have shared our conversation below.
Jessica, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we word to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
My first year of college, I was on the University of Texas Rowing Team. The team was led by Coach Caroline King and she did not mess around when it came to fitness.
I showed up for my first evening practice and was shocked to hear that before we rowed, Coach King wanted us to run a mile around the lake for a “warm-up”. Now, if you’re a runner or someone who has ever experienced a runner’s high once, then I envy you because, let me just tell you, running is not in my DNA.
But I did my best. I ran at the end of that group of girls and worked as hard as I could to keep up. And when I finally made it back to the boat dock, it certainly looked like everyone had been there a while. I was bright red, dripping sweat, and, frankly, not feeling well.
Before we could start rowing, we had to pull the boats out of the boathouse. The boats were stored on this tall shelf, so 6-8 of us had to go all at once to lift the boat from the shelf, then walk it down the hill and put it in the water.
We had just gotten the boat off the shelf when it hit me: I was about to be sick. A hundred thoughts raced through my mind, but I ultimately had to face it, so I raised my hand to ask for someone to take my spot holding the boat, had to admit in front of all my new teammates that I was about to throw up, then ran to the bathroom to deal with it.
I still squirm when I think about that day! And, as I was sitting there alone on the bathroom floor, I had a million reasons to go home… and I think everyone would have understood. But I also had the creeping thought that told me: you’re not cut out for this, you’re just not good enough… you should probably just head home and email Coach King that you’re resigning from the team.
And I knew at that moment that if I went home, I wouldn’t come back. So, I sat there and told myself all the reasons I SHOULD stay. I used as much mental fortitude as I could muster and I figured out a way to pick myself up, and not only finish out that practice but finish out the entire season.
I’ve been working on stopping imposter syndrome ever since.
Here are my 3 favorite strategies:
1) ASK: “WHY NOT ME?”
Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I realized asking, “Why NOT me?” removes me from a victim mentality and puts me back in a position of power.
So, I threw up at my first practice. Embarrassing, yes, but why couldn’t I still be successful? Why NOT me?
And this worked well in my career, as well.
For example, whenever I was feeling like a fraud or like I wasn’t as capable as the next person, I’d think about this: every single thing that humans have ever achieved or created started as an idea in someone’s mind. And research suggests that only 1-2% of people are true geniuses, so I didn’t have the excuse of, “Oh, well those people were just super smart.” No – great things are done by regular people every single day. Why not me?
Years later, after literally throwing up from running 1 mile, that mantra carried me through a half marathon… and the second half of it carries me through imposter syndrome to this day:
It’s your *mind* you have to convince.
You are good enough. You are worthy. You have one-of-a-kind gifts to give to the world.
But the first person you must convince is yourself.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself? How’d you get to where you are today? What’s your story?
Sure! It all begins on a dark and stormy night… cliche, but it’s true!
My story starts in 2012 when I was working my first corporate job after college. I was making good money, investing as much as I could into my 401(k), and I felt like, financially, I was knocking it out of the park.
Until one dark and stormy night.
One weekend, a group of friends and I decided to caravan from Dallas to Matagorda, a little coastal town in Texas, and I offered to drive. After hours on the road, we were finally a few miles away from our destination – and, just in time, because it was pitch black and lightning was beginning to flicker in the sky.
That is the exact moment a large buck ran into the road and I plowed into it at 60 miles an hour.
Sadly, we never found the deer, but thankfully everyone in my car was okay. After the shock wore off, we realized my car was not drivable, so we had to have it towed. Luckily, we were able to squish into the other cars and go about our weekend, trying to have a good time after our traumatic experience on a dark back road in south Texas.
A few days later, I got a phone call at work from the mechanic who told me how much it would cost to fix my car, and I proceeded to have my first full-fledged panic attack and unprofessionally bawl in a manager’s office.
Why? Because after the repair, my bank account would have less than $100 in it.
I thought was doing money “right”. I racked my mental checklist: I remembered learning how to budget, living within my means, saving money, working hard to find a well-paying job, and pouring money into my 401(k). And yet, I did not feel any freer. I did not feel the freedom that everyone promised. In fact, I’d never felt more trapped.
The next week, I picked up my car, signed up for a free money class at work, and completely altered how I approached my finances. Not long after, I learned one of the execs at work was retiring early. After her goodbye party, I put time on her calendar, made some pleasantries, and then point-blank asked her, “How’d you do it?”
Armed with a fear I never wanted to experience again, financial education from a free money class, and specific advice from a woman I respected who successfully retired early, my life transformed and I never looked back.
I realized if you were lucky enough to even HAVE conversations about money (since we don’t learn about it in school), most of the things we’ve been told don’t *actually* help us.
Once I figured out what DID, I was able to create a 7-figure net worth, multiple 6-figures of passive income (and counting!), and 5-figures of debt. I ultimately left my 9-5 job in tech marketing, moved to the tropics, and now help young career women in the US advance at work while creating extra passive income on the side without working more.
Specifically, I teach young women in corporate how to land consistent pay raises, get promotions, and create automated investing systems that can position them to make extra money on autopilot while they go about their lives.
Once you understand the basics of personal finance, investing becomes much less intimidating, much more approachable, and an obvious tool for financial empowerment. Once you realize it’s the KEY to financial freedom, you’ll pursue it, and your life can transform like you wouldn’t believe.
Look around at the financially sound people in your life and the world. Are they investors? Unless they inherited their wealth (and maybe even still), I say 100%, yes, in some form, they are. If you observe those people and do what they do, you just might experience the same.
Learning on your own takes time… in most cases, years. I work with clients who want to fast-track by learning directly from someone who’s done it. And, although I typically work with clients 1-on-1, I just launched a new more budget-friendly self-paced course so anyone can learn at any time how to create an automated investing system in their life.
Investor Prep School is an A-Z roadmap for total beginners who want to start auto-investing in the stock market (no stock picking required). I built this course for people like me; busy and uninterested in stock-picking but seeking a way to grow their wealth on the side without having to work more.
The course includes 4 modules plus module-specific resources, and auto-releases 1 module to you per week. At the end of 30 days, you’ll either BE invested via your automated investing system or know your EXACT next steps to get there.
One of the biggest reasons people don’t hit their goals is because they’re confused about what to do next; this course leaves nothing left to question. You’ll have lifetime access to the course and all future updates I make, so you can go at a pace that works for you and re-watch as needed.
To learn more about Investor Prep School, please visit jessicatolar.com/investor-prep-school
I also have various free resources on my website like my Make More Money Starter Kit, which outlines the exact process I used to land a $30k raise which was a 40% bump and 4x the national average, and I share free information on my show, The Goodbye July Podcast, named for the day I left my 9-5 tech job.
You can grab the free resources, listen to the podcast, and learn more at jessicatolar.com
I’ve never felt more satisfied, financially SAFE, and at peace; my mission is to help others experience the same. Why? Because with a world full of satisfied and peaceful people, we just might have a shot at world peace.
Cliche, I know. But it’s true.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
- Consistency – any worthwhile goal takes time; sometimes much more time than you originally thought when you first decided to pursue the goal. Nothing of value comes easy. As the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Every big goal requires consistency. Small, daily action. Over and over and over again. It adds up to something life-changing.
- Mental fortitude – to build on #1, staying consistent (especially on days when you feel like you’re not making progress or that your goal is so far out of reach) can often take loads of mental fortitude. Reading books by other people who have accomplished big goals, listening to their podcasts, and watching motivational documentaries and movies about them can help keep you in the right mindset and feel less alone. Other people have gone before you and done great things. You can, too. Keep reminding yourself of that and, when it’s hard, turn to their words to give you the strength you need to keep going.
- Forever learning – to build on #2, constantly seeking to learn, whether that’s how to have the right mindset, how to be more productive, or how to hit the specific goal you’re after, being OPEN to always learning something new about yourself, your journey, and the path to take will open doors you never even knew you were looking for. Being CURIOUS and feeding that curiosity will bring priceless connections, opportunities, and value into your life. Ask questions. Seek knowledge. And be a student of the world, forever. Constantly seek to learn, especially from your mistakes, which are life’s greatest teachers. And watch your life transform.
Tell us what your ideal client would be like?
You are my ideal client if you are an ambitious young woman in corporate America seeking growth. If you feel excited and hopeful about working hard, getting raises and promotions, and expanding your wealth beyond the confines of just your paycheck, you’re my person.
If you want to learn how the rich get richer and hone in on the secrets of the wealthy, the things they don’t teach you in school or in middle-class America, you are someone I’d love to help.
If you’re someone who sees the rich paying fewer taxes and your reaction is, “How can I do that, too?” and not “They must be crooks,” you’re someone who’s already started to ‘get it’.
Once you start to crack the code on generating wealth, it is so much fun, and it’s something you can do alongside your 9-5 job.
Financial empowerment is the greatest feeling on earth. Independence. Confidence. Freedom. Not having to rely on an employer or a relationship or anything outside of yourself. In the end, it’s not about the money, but what the money GIVES you. Choice. Options. Freedom of time and location. It gives you your life. And it allows you to define success on your terms.
If that’s something that sparks even the tiniest of fires in your heart, I’d love to work with you.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.jessicatolar.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicatolarinvests/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicatolarinvests/
- Other: The Goodbye July Podcast >>> Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-goodbye-july-podcast/id1635429264 >>> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4eikpXCZaKjBtGnDGrY4AE >>> Amazon: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/176fb37b-4053-48fd-9227-81eabea4cd3a/the-goodbye-july-podcast
