Meet Jill Hellman

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jill Hellman a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Jill , really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

It has taken me a lifetime of work on myself to find clarity on my purpose. I’ve had moments and inklings along the way, but it’s fairly recent that I feel I’ve put the whole thing together and understand how all I do is related. As an artist and psychotherapist, my goal is to live my life in the most intentional way I can, to be authentic and true to myself, and to pass that energy along to others. My work life now allows me to focus on healing, growth and transformation for myself and others.

I can’t change things that happen to us personally or that happen in the world, but I can help people cope, manage better and inspire them to become a better version of themselves. The more people attend to themselves and control what they can, the less they feel the need to lash out at others out of anger or frustration. There are many things we can’t control, but there is much we can, including how we respond to things.

It’s not easy. Many things get in the way, like expectations from others, all the “shoulds” we grow up with that we often internalize, all the noise in our heads. It takes work to get clear on a personal path — what’s important to us, who we are and what we want.

I’ve been through difficult experiences in my own life that pushed me to confront these questions. Like many people, I was still carrying some issues from childhood and feeling stuck behind some obstacles I created for myself. Then, among other things, a painful divorce and a shifting identity pushed me to rethink who I am and what I want. I began a visual journal at that time that helped me process some very raw emotions. I began attending to my artist self, which was always part of me, but I’d always pushed it aside, probably out of fear. I always knew I was an artist, but I was afraid to allow the vulnerability that I also knew I’d have to connect with to create art from the soul, which was the only art I was interested in.

At the time of my divorce, I was also studying to become a therapist. Part of the training includes work on self awareness, and a great deal of timely self reflection helped me think hard about the path I wanted to walk. I began to create my life as an artist and a therapist at that time, bringing more of my work life into alignment with my purpose.

A diagnosis of an aggressive breast cancer a few years later and a year of difficult treatment pushed me to once again confront who I am, what I want and who I want to be in this world. It drove home for me that change and transition in our lives is ongoing and that we need to have the flexibility and openness to revisit these challenges many times throughout our lives. Solutions that made sense at one time may not work well at another.

I was determined to create meaning out of the pain from both the divorce and the cancer. I found a way to be creative in my life, stay connected to my passions and drive and live a meaningful life. I want to pass along the work I’ve done, what I’ve learned and hopefully inspire others to connect more deeply and truthfully to who they are.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I’m an artist and a psychotherapist with an inner drive to make things better in the world. My work is about fostering growth, transformation and healing for myself and others.

Life can be wonderful, and it can also be extremely challenging. Transitions and obstacles we face throughout our lives can get in the way of us living life to the fullest. Things happen that can sidetrack us, we can end up getting in our own way and feeling trapped or stuck in a life that’s unsatisfying. We grow up learning ways to cope that may have helped us early on, but no longer serve us as adults. It’s not easy to change these patterns, but it’s definitely possible.

As a therapist, I help people find and trust their own inner voice, develop resilience, and reconnect with possibility and hope. The therapeutic process has tremendous healing power, and I provide a safe, nurturing space for transformation and change. Each person’s journey is unique and I feel honored and privileged to be part of it.

As an artist, I also work toward growth and transformation. When I step into my studio, I feel a freedom and excitement to explore my materials, thoughts, ideas and emotions and connect with what’s most true for me. I work intuitively, and I let things happen. Being open to what comes helps me connect with possibility, which I believe is the pathway to change. By allowing myself to create and share from my soul, maybe it inspires others. If I’m vulnerable and willing to put my honest self out in the world, try new things, be open to ideas, and approach life with creativity and resilience, then hopefully I’m modeling something positive and worthwhile.

I’m continually searching for ways to get myself and my work out in the world. I show and sell my paintings. I’ve been in many gallery shows, and I’m currently starting an artist run co-operative gallery with a group of other artists. It’s exciting for us all to put our heads together and figure out our way forward. Our intention is to show our work, but also to integrate ourselves into the community with programs, workshops and events that bring together people of all ages and cultures.

My work as therapist and artist is about helping myself and others to live a more intentional and satisfying life.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

There are many qualities that have been critical in helping me move forward in my life in a positive way. The following are three that definitely stand out. Perseverance was one that was modeled for me by my parents and that I learned early in life. The rest I had to figure out and develop on my own.

1. Perseverance. This is so important for being able to stay the course, even when you don’t know what the course is. It may be staying focused and persevering to figure out what the course is. Whatever it is, it’s about not giving up no matter what. No matter how hard or confusing it feels. This quality has served me well. It helped me stay on my path even when I felt lost. The truth is I didn’t really know what my path was for a lot of my life. I’ve done a lot of different things for work that taught me a lot, but I knew I wasn’t aligned with my purpose yet. But I always had an inner drive to keep going. I was always a seeker. I had to work hard to find clarity on what that meant for me, and it’s taken me decades to get here. But the perseverance kept me going and got me to the satisfying place where I am now.

2. Believing in yourself. This is incredibly important for achieving success, whatever that means, and this was a tough one for me. It took me a long time to get to a place where I feel sure about who I am and what I’m doing. I had a lot of self doubt along the way, and my path has been a bit circuitous with many zig-zags and questionable turns. But I’m grateful I had the perseverance to keep searching and working to figure out what’s right for me, and it was absolutely worth the time and effort it took. The path to self acceptance, self love, self compassion can be a tough one for many people who, for whatever reasons, didn’t have it early in life. Being shown and experiencing acceptance, compassion and unconditional love early on allows us to internalize it and become that support for ourselves. Without that, we have to learn it, practice it and create new ways of being with ourselves. But it’s probably the most important quality for being authentic, taking risks, and feeling good in life.

3. Resilience. Being able to weather the storms is another key to getting where we need to get. As I’ve emphasized elsewhere, life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns. We don’t know what’s coming and we have to be able to withstand the challenges and obstacles that threaten to derail us. I’ve been through cancer and divorce and many other surprises that could have knocked me over. But again, my inner drive always keeps me going toward something better. I will not be stopped. My cancer journey especially taught me a lot about resilience. It would be easy to be angry and wonder why me? But I’m grateful to have gotten through it and be on the other side. My refrain was and still is: you can take my hair, you can take my breasts, but you can’t take my spirit. I was determined to learn and hopefully pass along the lessons that experience had to teach me. It pushed me to make sure I live my life with meaning and purpose.

Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?

My parents were both passionate about what they did for work and making sure it aligned with things they cared about. They were creative people driven by creative endeavors, not by making money or acquiring material possessions. We always had a home and food on the table, but they didn’t care what car they drove or how big their house was. My mother was proud of not wanting jewels or furs or expensive clothes. She had her own style. Their friends were all artists, college professors, writers, people full of life and creativity. It was never about the money.

What was valued was creative approaches to things. If the car window was broken and you had to rig it some way or you had to open the door to give the money to the toll collector, that was funny and made a good story. They and their friends were story tellers and the’d get a good laugh out of it. The house my parents bought was a fixer-upper, and their new home announcement was a cartoon my father drew that showed the whole thing kind of falling down, which they thought was funny. Their parents were a bit horrified, but their friends enjoyed it.

This value of creativity and being passionate about work was passed along to me, . They were never 9-5 ers. My mother was a dancer and a poet. She created a dance performance company for kids that toured NYC public schools, then created a dance program where everyone in our town studied dance with her. She eventually became an arts administrator and somehow wrote her own hours to have summers off and other time for residencies and bringing dance programs to underserved communities around the country. She also wrote poetry and was published in numerous journals and anthologies. My father was a science writer who had over 30 books and countless articles published. It was not always easy for them financially, but they were always clear on what was important to them.

Seeing my parents work in ways that that aligned with their passions and being creative to find ways to make it happen had a huge impact on me. It has taken me a long time, and I’ve had to pay my dues along the way (including many 9-5 jobs), but I’ve eventually been able to create a work life I really care about. I owe it to my parents for passing along those values of creativity, thinking outside the box, and working hard to make it happen. I’m truly grateful to them for this.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.jillhellman.com
• Instagram: @jill.hellman
• Facebook: Jill Hellman