We recently connected with Jiwoo Shin and have shared our conversation below.
Jiwoo, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
The strength and courage to confront your pain. I think a lot of people delve into habits they are not too fond of trying to avoid their pain. I’ve had my struggles with alcohol and nicotine, which I still struggle with when I don’t want to confront a new pain, ‘cause let’s be real, they keep coming. And they’ll keep coming. For better or worse, I’ve tried the “spiritual” way of approaching these matters, whether it be religious or new age, which mostly ended up leading to a Jungian way of approach of a Stoic mindset. It’s kind of funny because I love the seriousness of religion and the culture of it, the idea of something bigger and better or emptying everything because life is suffering, but at the core of it I knew I approached them with a philosophical and mythological aim.
It’s kind of funny because I began to realize all these philosophers and religious figures were all male, and I started my own journey on finding my own female saints, thinkers, philosophers, hidden legends..
What’s important is that you don’t get swept away and remember who you are. I almost lost my mind studying all these religions and experimenting with beliefs. All for the sake of ‘expanding my artistic universe’. Was it worth it? I don’t know. The wiser you become the innate conclusion always came to “Just live”.
Somehow your own pain is unique to yours, it’s your own beautiful shadow… so why do I avoid it? Why was it that for so long I only thought life was painful without even trying to bleed, scab, heal? In my early twenties I definitely made more wounds and scratched the scabs because it was a part of stimulation, a sensation I was only used to. But there’s sensation in peace, serenity, hope, perseverance, consistency, bravery.
Maybe some wounds never heal, maybe the meaning of living with the pain and making it into something beautiful was all I ever thought the purpose of art was supposed to be.
Why should I be scared of my own darkness, if that is the only way I can find the light?
I will say this for as long as I’m alive: I found my purpose in Cinema. Sometimes it’s my only friend, my mother, my father, my home, my sanctuary. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel that once saved me from a near death experience. My heart just decided to stop one day from ignoring and enduring so much pain in June, 2022 and I honestly thought I had a good run and was ready until I remembered I hadn’t made a film. So I prayed somewhere, begged, pleaded that I couldn’t go yet, that “I have to make movies!!!!!!” and I was well, alive again. Lest I decided, I don’t know who God is, but God is good and like, totally real. It’s kind of a funny story.
I still write love letters to Death when Life gets tough. It’s just who I am. Then I watch a good film and think that things may be alright.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Academically speaking, somewhere along the lines of aestheticism, decadence, and romanticism is where I reside. I recently published a book of poems and letters “Faux_naïf * Innocence Lost: Death of a Whimsical Fawn & Melancholy Fig Tree”, influenced by my favorite writers, Anaïs Nin, Marianne Faithful, Fiona Apple, and of course Lana Del Rey. It’s divided into three parts; 0.inferno / i.purgatorio / ii.terra mater / iii. paradiso — just like Dante’s Divine Comedy!
I’ve been trying to write everyday for the past 2-3 years, because there were so much I was holding onto without even knowing. It’s about a lot of things like death, past lives, sex, dreams, mythology, cinema… but at the core of it they all came from Love. Love, love, love love, ah… if I could just think about love all day, it makes the torturous mundane a little more bearable.
I still paint from time to time, when I feel the urge. Delving in multiple mediums is great because I can switch and experiment with what I truly want to say. Recently it’s been writing to purge the agonizing longing, and melancholy of a woman. What I like to paint these days are more mythological and symbolic, a lot of Angels, for they are the mediators between Life and Death. I got too obsessed with religious iconography, which I never understood, but now I get why it’s been around for so long.
Slowly I’m engaging in narrative filmmaking, a little different from the previous experimental series of films I’ve been making: archival films juxtaposed with my own videos, with music that I make intuitively. Because they’re intuitive, at first I don’t really know what I’m getting into, but once I’m done, they’re mostly about female rage. I found it comforting to be able to make a film all by myself, yet my intense desire for narrative filmmaking is breaking me out of my shell. Acting is another form of expression of the psyche, I’ve come to realize, just like my paintings, films, and writing. I’m obsessed with it. I dream of how my words would sound coming out of somebody else’s mouth. I find it both confusing and cathartic how my voice sounds with somebody else’s brain.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Staying present, grateful, and hopeful no matter what has unknowingly saved me from moments of severe destruction. Yes, sometimes acknowledging that you must destroy something to rebuild and start again, but I like my memories. However knowing that you don’t have to take life too seriously (because we’re all gonna dieeeee), that joy is a lot more useful than cynicism. And maybe hell isn’t other people, hell is just within you and it’s up to you to… escape it?
I may sound tacky but reading all these theories about how to live life only confused me. They always make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. If I read too much Marcus Aurelius I feel like I’m at war with the world (although I truly am always in war with myself). I can’t live like Jesus because I literally cannot forgive all (oh do I f*cking try though) and I don’t want to be crucified. I can’t live like Mary because I’m not a mother. I also can’t live like Audrey Hepburn because well, I can only wish. But they’re cool because how they lived their lives their own way, trying their very best. I just want to try my best without the whims of doom taking over. So what do I do? I just try to be friends with that very doom, I guess. Hello, darkness my old friend indeed.
I’m writing as Here’s To You by Ennio Morricone & Joan Baez is playing, they’re saying “Agony is your triumph..”
Comparing and regretting is the utmost waste of time. God knows how I’ve suffered from living in the past — to the point where I couldn’t stop thinking about / living in a PAST LIFE. This is why I say I nearly lost my mind. The Red Book (Jung) didn’t help either. I faced my demons and boy… I don’t want to go there ever again. Maybe someday I’ll learn to be friends with them too.
All I know is that I love too deeply, a little carelessly. It’s an inevitable truth I’m not afraid to avoid anymore.
We’ve all got limited resources, time, energy, focus etc – so if you had to choose between going all in on your strengths or working on areas where you aren’t as strong, what would you choose?
Since I have a such close relationship with death, I think I’ve never not thought about this. 12 years ago I decided I’d die at the age of 27, just like all the legends. That led me to live a little recklessly, whimsy and wild, yet dangerously. I try not to regret some of the dumb things I’ve done to harm myself because of the pain I couldn’t digest, or perhaps I was doing them because I was just waiting to die. I also couldn’t stand the idea of losing my loved ones so I always hoped that I’d die before them… cowardly move? Perhaps. It’s just a thought I’ve had for a long time.
If I had another decade, I think I’d stay exactly where I am. Spend time with family, learn new skills, try figure skating, go to pilates, travel, watch more plays, go to concerts, get invited to dinner, talk about nothing and everything with friends, get hungover responsibly, dance and sing, write, act, and of course, make beautiful, beautiful films. Watch every film in the world, if only! And love, love, love as hard as I can without looking back.
Contact Info:
- Website: amorcaeliveritas.com
- Instagram: @luxvexsolisveil @rivvrphoenix
- Youtube: vimeo.com/jiwooshin
- Other: link to my book! https://a.co/d/c43InUC
Image Credits
‘god is a mob boss’ – ‘Parisienne People by Giuseppe Tornatore’ 1995 (image) The Sacrifice (1986) Andrei Tarkovsky (image)
