Meet Jolie Higazi

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jolie Higazi a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Jolie, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?

I never would have identified myself as resilient until the past few years. It’s not that I wasn’t resilient, it was just that I couldn’t see it. I thought everyone pushed through adversity like I did. So I just took it as normal. The first time I realized I was especially resilient was when my therapist used that word to describe me at the end of one of our sessions. That was a real lightbulb moment.

I guess growing up in a broken home with my parents divorced shaped me into becoming really independent. I had to be–there was no one there to be able to support me through my own challenges, because they had adult problems that seemed to be much more important than mine. As a result, I developed an ability to be alone and solve my own problems. Which is a great skill in adult life, sure, but there’s also a dark side to it. It’s meant that I’ve had to really work hard to be vulnerable and learn how to let people help me. I had to learn how to let people love me.

It’s still a work in progress because my default is still wired to think I’m alone. But I’ve come a long way! Today, I see so much beauty in connection with others, that it’s what I’ve made into my career and passion. I help people connect with themselves and with others in a vulnerable and authentic way. I know it’s hard and uncomfortable at first, but it’s so worth it.

So I guess I became resilient because I refused to give up on myself. I knew early on that no one was coming to save me, but still, my heart would break for other people and their pain. So I used them as my motivation to push through– not to get myself to a better place, but so that I could survive whatever I was going through so I could still help them.

Sometimes it’s easier to show up for other people than ourselves. Eventually, I developed self-love and self-acceptance to realize that I was worth it just as much as anyone else. But at first, it’s almost like I had to let other people care for me before I could truly care about myself.

Back in my teenage years, I got into drugs and alcohol and a generally dangerous and destructive lifestyle. When I got clean and found a community in 12-step recovery was when I started to do the work of healing and creating a better relationship with myself. Today, I get to share that hope of resilience and healing with everyone I come across.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I host the Cleveland Pitch-A-Friend event series. It’s an event at local bars and breweries where people make a 3-5 minute powerpoint presentation to pitch why you should date their single friend. It’s really fun and lighthearted. So whether people are looking for a date, or just to network and meet new friends in a chill and fun environment, it’s a great night out.

I love bringing the atmosphere of authenticity and lightheartedness to these events, helping people relax and let their guard down and just have some fun with no need to impress anyone. As a relationship coach, I offer tips and advice in between presentations to help people in their dating lives have more confidence and clarity about the ways to actually enjoy dating instead of seeing it like a draining chore.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Authenticity. Growth mindset. Self-compassion.
I came out as a lesbian when I was 19. That was a huge moment of realizing how much easier and lighter life can become when I live as my authentic self instead of trying to make sure everyone else is happy with me. That’s now a huge pillar in every area of my life, like my career, my relationships, my spirituality.

Growth Mindset is the part of me that’s a life-long student and learner. If you’re always curious and willing to learn and grow, you’ll never be stuck. There’s always more to learn and develop. And the more you can fall in love with the journey of evolving as a person, the easier it becomes.

Self-Compassion- Since growth is so important, it’s vital that I can have a compassionate attitude toward the previous versions of myself that didn’t know what I know now. I made lots of mistakes, and instead of judging myself, I can learn from them and move on to be a better person today and tomorrow.

Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?

As a coach, the more personal work I do on my own inner self, the more I realize I love to coach people who remind me of previous versions of myself. The super high achievers, self-starters who have big dreams and passions. These people funny enough don’t need to learn how to push harder, but how to sometimes slow down and rest. That’s been a huge lesson for me over the past few years, and learning how to slow down to speed up. That’s what’s catapulted so many of my clients into their next chapter of life is not forcing an outcome, but slowing down to tune into their body, get clarity as to what their authentic self was craving, and then going after it.

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