Meet Joshua Pangborn

We recently connected with Joshua Pangborn and have shared our conversation below.

Joshua, so good to have you with us today. We’ve got so much planned, so let’s jump right into it. We live in such a diverse world, and in many ways the world is getting better and more understanding but it’s far from perfect. There are so many times where folks find themselves in rooms or situations where they are the only ones that look like them – that might mean being the only woman of color in the room or the only person who grew up in a certain environment etc. Can you talk to us about how you’ve managed to thrive even in situations where you were the only one in the room?

I make queer, fat-positive film and television, and I’m fairly confident I’m one of the only people in the world who does, so I’m almost always the only person in the room who looks like me and tells the stories I tell. It’s a singular experience to stand in front of a crowd at a film festival, or sit for an interview with a film critic, and say the word “fat” — the listener nearly always cringes, immediately uncomfortable with the word. There is an immediate reluctance to use that word (queer is more acceptable, which I find intriguing as well, but I suspect that’s for all the wrong reasons in many cases), and an almost apologetic tone enters their voice when they introduce me as a “fat-positive” creator (some will even clarify that they use this word because I use this word, as if the word itself is something to be ashamed of). At times, this is extremely awkward and even uncomfortable for myself, as I know the reaction I’m going to get based on who is in the audience. A roomful of strangers and I have to once again explain I’m the queer, fat-positive creator, and I know I have to say it with confidence to convey the power and importance of the films I make. And there are days where I don’t want to do that because I’m tired of feeling like I need to justify the voices I highlight in my work. There are days where I know an audience won’t respond well to hearing “queer, fat-positive” — and those are the days I know, more than any other, that I have to confidently state what I do, why I do it, without an air of apology or embarrassment. And I’ll keep doing it until I’m no longer the person in the room who looks like me and tells the stories I tell.
Basically, to be successful when I’m the only one in the room who looks like me, I have to swallow all the self-doubt, the inner saboteurs, the voices that tell me no one cares who I am or what I do, and make them care, make them see me and the many, many people like me who deserve to be seen. It’s taken me a long time to develop the confidence I need to be able to do this, and I am thankful to all the people in my life who have told me how much the work we do at SideKick Productions means to them. It isn’t easy, but it’s important.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

My name is Joshua R. Pangborn, and I’m a queer, fat actor, writer, director, and founder of SideKick Productions — the only queer, fat-positive, sex-positive production company (that I’m aware of!).
We are best known for the long-running web series, Skeleton Crew (which we are currently filming the sixth season of). This is a queer soap opera centered on the bear sub-community of queer culture, and has elements of horror, comedy, drama, musical, thriller; you know, the basic ingredients for a soap opera. I’ve also created Demon Doctor, my homage to 90s genre fiction (think Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets the X Files but very queer and fat-positive). We also have a bunch of short horror films and are currently in post production on our third feature film, The Contract (our first two features are the horror film A Taste of Youth and the horror anthology, The Brooklyn Butcher). Our work has been awarded honors around the world, and Skeleton Crew and Demon Doctor have both been in the top ten most awarded US-created series in the web series world cup multiple years.
All of the stories I tell are centered on queer, fat voices. These marginalized voices, typically only centered when it’s a story about queer or fat trauma, deserve stories that have nothing to do with these traumas. I’m often asked what it is about the story I’m telling that needs the character to be fat and queer, and my typical answer is there isn’t one. And that’s why I’m doing it. Because we shouldn’t need to justify a character being queer or fat through the plot; there are queer, fat people who live lives, love others, adventure, kill, steal, laugh, and all the other things you typically only see cishet straight-sized folk doing in movies. There’s no reason these other folk must be thin or fit or straight, but no one asks the creators to justify why they cast an athletic straight man in a role of a serial killer or a male ingénue. It should be the same for me and the stories I tell. Should be. But it isn’t.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Trusting your vision, even when everyone around you is second guessing you, is something you must learn to do early on. There’s always going to be someone whispering in your ear that your idea is too hard, too much, too out there. Yes, you should hear and be open to advice, but you need to know the difference between advice and naysaying. And no matter what happens, what other people say, no one will care about the project like you will. So if you believe in it, and you want to make it happen, make it happen.
Flexibility is vital, especially for an independent filmmaker. As important as having your vision is, it’s equally important to realize how you can bring your vision to life — and sometimes that means compromising your vision to work within the reality you have in front of you. Sometimes you just don’t have enough money. Other times, an actor might get sick but you still need to film that scene you rented a location for. And other times the scene you wrote just won’t work and you need to pivot on set. As long as you learn to be flexible and adapt your vision to reality, you can still bring it to life.
Be kind. It’s a simple thing to say, but it goes so far. It makes people want to work with you, believe in your, support you, champion you when you aren’t in the room. It’s obvious, but there are so many people who are unkind, who think their vision doesn’t mean you need to include others in the success or the journey, and those are people who aren’t pleasant to work with. Show love and support to the people in your life, and they will show it to you.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

Dreaming big and wearing a lot of hats to try to accomplish those dreams can be extremely overwhelming at times, and I’m still learning how to cope with this, even after all these years. People tell me I need to relax, to take some time for myself, and this is extremely valuable advice. Do I follow it? Not well. But it’s what I know works. Because the truth is the work will always be there, so take a break and take care of yourself. As I have gotten older and dealt with some injuries and unexpected changes physically and otherwise, I’ve realized I can’t do everything myself. I need to ask for help. I need to involve the community I’ve been developing over the years.
So what do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Do something you love. Watch a movie. Read a book. Eat a bowl of ice cream. Connect with your community, with the people in your life. It’s not easy for some people to turn off (I know from experience), but you can still ease the pressure by sharing the burden with others. Sometimes they’ll just listen, and sometimes that’s all you need them to do.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Ryan Watson Photography, Catalin Media, SideKick Productions

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