Meet Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu, really appreciate you joining us to talk about a really relevant, albeit unfortunate topic – layoffs and getting fired. Can you talk to us about your experience and how you overcame being let go?

Yue Xu: I was part of a major layoff in 2022 and here are three takeaways from my experience:

1) Give yourself some dedicated time to reset. I, like many others, immediately went into panic mode trying to figure out what to do, but the most productive time I had was when I unplugged. This allowed me to think about my circumstances from a different perspective and gave me some time to recharge.

2) Shift to “what do you get to do now?” In some ways, a layoff is like mandatory PTO if you’ve gotten a severance package. Use this paid time off to think about what it is that you have the privilege of doing now that you couldn’t do while employed. Maybe now is the time to pursue that freelance career you’ve been dreaming about, or move to that city you’ve always been curious about, or get a foot in the door at that company you’ve admired for so long. Now is your chance!

3) Strategize an exit package at your next job. In today’s climate, companies understand that new hires are on edge about the potential for more layoffs. So it should come as no surprise if you want some reassurances at your next job. I’ve had friends who successfully negotiated exit packages by consulting with a career coach who specializes in negotiations. While I was not successful in negotiating an exit package at my new job, the employer compromised by offering me a bonus structure as added reassurance.

Julie Krafchick: I also experienced a layoff from a startup I was working at in 2017 and here is what I learned:
1) It’s not as personal as it feels. I remember feeling a bit blindsided in the moment and upset that I had dedicated so much time and energy to the company. But the layoff made sense. The company was not doing well and was struggling financially. It was more about that then anything else.

2) Remember this actually could be a good thing! In the moment, I was upset and hurt. But about 24 hours later, I realized how miserable I was at this job and it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. While it’s scary not to know what’s next especially if you don’t have a lot of severance (in this case i was given about 2 weeks so didn’t have much to ride on), try to use some time to recover from this experience – or the experiences leading up to the layoff.

3) Make sure you’re focused on the brand of YOU! Like many companies, this one touted the “employees like family” culture. While it’s great to be dedicated to your job and company, remember at the end of the day it is just a job and the companies priority is to make money. Sadly, they aren’t your family, they aren’t even your friends. The only one who truly has your back in your career is you. For me, it was helpful that I could immediately freelance after getting laid off. Try to build some type of skills that are independent of your company so you can have interim work if you find yourself needing it. That way you won’t have to take the first job that comes through if it’s not something you think will make you happy.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

Sure thing! We’re the co-hosts and creators of Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. Over the last decade, we’ve turned from active daters to dating insiders, interviewing thousands of daters and world-renowned experts to understand why we date the way we do. But more important: how we can all build a better dating culture so you can start having happier and healthier relationships.

Dateable is more than a podcast though. It’s a full-fledged community and knowledge source for finding love in today’s world. You can check out our programs – including a new masterclass about how to Meet People IRL that you can find at https://www.dateablepodcast.com/programs. We’re also the hosts and executive producers of the dating experiment show Exit Interview, a iHeartRadio limited series. We’re currently writing a book (published by Simon & Schuster), to be released in early 2025.

You can find out more about us at https://www.dateablepodcast.com and @dateablepodcast.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Yue Xu:

1) Try everything on for size. We often feel pressured to pick an interest/major/career/passion and stick with it. But what’s crucial is the discovery phase. You only know if you like something if you can try it first. If you have multiple interests, I would recommend dedicating a week to each. Try to fully immerse yourself during that week. And then give yourself a timeline for narrowing down your options.

2) Practice discernment. This is an area I still struggle with. I used to pride myself on being easy-going and chill. However, I was only suppressing my needs in order to avoid inconveniences or conflicts. I think having discernment is such an essential skill – the ability to identify what/who is good for you and what/who is hindering you. My daily practice is to ask myself how I feel about even the smallest things, such as my breakfast oatmeal. This helps me really hone in on my ability to express myself!

3) Own your timeline. Understand that you don’t have to be on anyone else’s timeline but your own. It’s human nature to want to compare ourselves to other people. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you should have certain accomplishments by a certain age. I’ve come to grasp the idea that I can design my own timeline that may not look like anyone else’s. In fact, I owe it to myself to design a life that’s best for me. Not anyone else.

Julie Krafchick:

1) Know that everyone has imposter syndrome: Even some of the most successful people I know shared their doubts, insecurities, and fears that creep into their work. So remember that the next time you feel like you aren’t supposed to be where you are. None of us have it fully together. You aren’t an imposter; you have opportunities to grow further.

2) See the wins. It’s so easy to go to what isn’t working in your career, your love life and focus on what you could do better. But try to recognize all you have accomplished. Even if you aren’t 100% where you want to be, looking back at all these wins and mini milestones can show you that you do have what it takes to keep going.

3) Hone in on your voice. The best attribute you could bring to any situation – whether it’s in work or love – is showing up as the unapologetic version of you. That’s where your unique skills and thought patterns will emerge, because this is truly your differentiator as there’s only one version of you out there. When you try to morph into someone else or do things the way others do, that’s when you don’t stand out – or even do your best work because it’s inauthentic to you.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

Yue Xu: I break down what overwhelms me into incremental tasks and then reward myself along the way. For example, I know I function best in 30-minute increments, so I set mini-goals for what I can accomplish in that time, then I reward myself for achieving the goal! And if it’s something more emotional that’s overwhelming me, I also employ the same strategy. I allow myself to explore different feelings in 30-minute increments. For instance, I’ll let myself feel overwhelmed for 30 minutes, followed by 10 minutes of breathwork, then I’ll allow myself to feel hopeful for the next 30 minutes, which permits me to be in a more positive state. Feelings are fleeting, so giving myself the space to experience them helps me overcome them faster.

Julie Krafchick: I go for a walk! It sounds so simple but just getting out of my head and into my body goes a long way. Sometimes I think that “oh this will just set me back” if I take this time away from the tasks at hand, but taking 10-15 minutes out of your day won’t really impact it in the long run. And that reset can push you forward! I often have my best ideas when I walk or a moment of friction becomes a lot more clear. Then I can feel less overwhelmed when I return and go back to my day more efficiently.

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Joseph Gabriel Ilustrisimo

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