Meet Justin Patton

We were lucky to catch up with Justin Patton recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Justin, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

“Refuse to own other people’s insecurities!” That line has single-handedly made the most significant impact on my ability to cultivate confidence. I think so many of us walk into spaces thinking, “What will they think about me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they don’t like people like me? What if I’m too much?” It’s normal, but it doesn’t serve us.

I remember being in Texas in my early twenties, presenting in front of hundreds of people. I wanted to impress my new boss. I wanted to win the audience over. I wanted the fact that I’m a gay man to be a non-issue. As a result, I wore a wedding band (this was before gay marriage was legalized), thinking I might be fooling someone. You already know I wasn’t fooling anyone. I only fooled myself. I left that event disappointed that I had abandoned myself in the process of trying to be liked by others. I promised myself I would never do that again.

That journey taught me that confidence requires both authenticity and vulnerability. Authenticity is accepting who you really are, and vulnerability is allowing that version of you to be seen. I had to accept that authenticity is risky. Some people aren’t going to like the authentic version of me, and I had to get okay with that. I refused to own their insecurity and wear it on my soul. With that knowledge, I felt free to show up exactly who I am and go all-in for the people I’m meant to be around.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I’m a recovery farm boy from Mt. Washington, KY, who went on to write five books, study body language from a former FBI agent, and speak to audiences across the world on how to think differently about their presence and how they build trust.

As an executive coach and keynote speaker, I’ve had the chance to work with NCAA athletes, contestants in the Miss America pageant, and coach corporate executives.

But that’s the “sexy” part of my journey that most people only hear about it. The part they don’t know is my dad unexpectedly died when I was 18. A surgeon left gauze inside of him, and he ended up getting a bacterial infection. I didn’t have the coping skills to handle something that painful and deep at such a young age, so I just emotionally disconnected for the next 12 years of my life. That choice impacted all my relationships, career, and overall happiness. Around 30, I was exhausted from living life that way. I felt I could play bigger and do more, but I would have to get out of my own way. I asked for help, received the feedback I needed, and started making choices to lead, love, and communicate in ways that changed people and spaces for the better. I committed to myself to help others do the same.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Building confidence must become a daily practice because it can easily be lost when we find ourselves in the wrong spaces and with the wrong people. My top three “habits” for developing authentic confidence would be…

First, you must speak up. Your voice is directly connected to your confidence. I hear so many people say, “I’ll speak up once I’m confident.” It simply doesn’t work that way! You ask for what you want, share your feelings with someone, state your opinion in a meeting, and set a boundary that you need to set. These small, meaningful moments help you slowly build your confidence over time.

Second, go on an advice detox. So many people who lack confidence ask everyone else, “What do you think I should do?” The problem with that is they’ve outsourced their decision-making so much to everyone else that they don’t even trust their own intuition anymore. Challenge yourself to take a period of time where you don’t ask anyone else for their opinion. Listen to your institution and make choices based on that answer. And remember, you always have the right to change your mind and make a different choice.

Third, know the value you bring into a room. So many of the leaders I coach need help articulating the value they bring to a room beyond their competence. Then they find themselves in rooms with people smarter than they are, and now they have imposter syndrome. They forgot who they are! You’re so much more than just your smarts. Make a list of the top 5-7 ways you add value to a room or conversation. For example, I know how to change the energy in a room. I ask insightful questions that move the conversation forward. I know how to make people feel safe and open up. And I’m good at creating big ideas.

What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?

My mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, so we are on that journey as a family. It’s teaching me so much about myself and being present and patient. Of course, I’m sad and wish the outcome was different. However, I always come back to a quote that helps me. Alan Cohen said, “Use pain as a stepping stone, not a campground.” I love that! I’ve just made an intentional choice that, as crappy as the situation is, I will not camp out in the sadness of it. If I did that, I would miss so many more amazing moments and memories I still have to create with my mom. I know this journey will teach me so much more. I believe it’s the most important work I’ll ever do.

I’m raising money for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Check us out:
http://act.alz.org/goto/Carol2024

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