We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Karen Williams a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Karen, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
To share how I developed confidence and self-esteem, I would first have to share how I lost it in the first place. I believe every one of us was born with the confidence to do and be anything we desire. But somewhere along the way life becomes unkind and robs us of that light we carry.
Growing up in Jamaica, there was such an emphasis placed on academics, that I never thought I was ever smart enough. Lighter skinned children, with softer hair and thinner lips were deemed beautiful – needless to say I was none of those things. I struggled with abandonment when my mother left Jamaica for the U.S. with the goal of creating a better life for us. By the ninth grade, I started coming into my identity, or so I thought, only to have it snatched from me when I was sexually assaulted – raped – by a boy on our high school track and field team. The aftermath of the assault cast a long shadow over my aspirations and self-worth. The notion of greatness was elusive. I declined going to college, fearing failure and not wanting to burden my mother financially. As a single Mom, that was a real concern for her. Faced with limited options, I enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, a move that proved to be a blessing in disguise.
In the structured environment of the military, I found a sense of belonging and purpose that began to rebuild my shattered confidence. Recognition through awards, promotions, and titles became the pillars supporting my new found self-worth. However, my journey towards healing was far from over, and the scars from my past continued to influence my romantic relationships in unhealthy ways. Summoning the strength to walk away from these unhealthy connections marked a pivotal moment, signaling the gradual restoration of my mental well-being.
The real turning point in my life came when I surrendered my life to Christ, seeking solace beyond the confines of traditional church doctrines because the church had already convinced me of how unworthy I was. It was about cultivating a deep, personal relationship with God and immersing myself in His transformative Word. Over the years, I embarked on a journey of renewing my mind and retraining my brain to embrace the truth of my worthiness in His eyes.
Enrolling in Bible College emerged as a significant milestone on my journey of self-discovery. Almost immediately, I could see purpose unfolding. Post-graduation, joining the staff solidified the reality of my new found calling. Surprisingly, it was during this academic journey that I discovered my love for learning. As a child, academia seemed like a form of punishment, with judgmental labels overshadowing any enthusiasm for education. Now, education became a tool for empowerment and a means to fulfill my new found purpose. Now, there was a moment when I realized that my confidence; the way I see myself and the way I want the world to perceive me, will need to change in order to show up well in the world.
Marriage brought its own revelations and blessings. Experiencing God’s love through the unwavering support of my husband, marked a monumental shift in my confidence and self-esteem. Married for over thirty years, the stability of a loving and safe partnership became an integral component of my ongoing journey towards self-empowerment.
It’s crucial to understand that developing confidence is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing process. Stepping onto a stage, entering a new room, or being the only woman or person of color in certain spaces; continually tests my confidence. However, armed with the lessons from my transformative journey, I navigate these challenges with resilience, reminding myself that self-discovery, confidence and self-esteem development, is a lifelong commitment to growth that we all have to choose to make.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Officially I am a Relationship and Conflict Resolutions Strategist, the Founder of Coach4Life LLC in Las Vegas, NV.
I specialize in guiding couples, individuals, and teams on the path to fostering deeper understanding, effective communication, and lasting harmony.
Helping people with navigating the intricacies of human connections is exciting. Being able to play a role in how people perceive and relate to each other is probably the most exciting part of my work.
Coach4Life was birthed in July 2020, during the global pandemic shutdown. During one of the most uncertain time this world had ever experienced. I wanted to reach people, and help in any way I could; so, I started a blog. I started just talking to my readers about life and every day topics. From that “Take No Thought: a 52week Guided Journal for Overthinkers” was birthed. That was published in March 2021 – it’s been sold in the UK, Japan, Canada and throughout the United States.
I also created a practical workbook for couples who are newlyweds or engaged, “She Said Yes, Now What?” Again, we learned during that time that couples were struggling in their relationships and getting married without the tools for longevity.
I am currently hosting a weekly workshop “Rebuilding Hearts and Awakening Love” designed exclusively for those who have weathered divorce, navigated heartbreak or stuck in what they believe is a loveless relationship.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Most impactful qualities remain my work ethic, if I am showing up, all of who I am shows up. And we are going to do the work and get results. Empathy, being able to see things through the lens of someone else is a skill that I wish was extended to me growing up. My passion for relationships – ongoing desire to see others connect well.
In terms of advice, anytime I get the opportunity to speak into the lives of others, I remind them to stay focused on their WHY. Whether it’s a marriage, a career decision or even a move. The purpose, the reason or whatever that inspiration was that got you started, don’t lose sight of it. There will always be roadblocks and obstacles – but stay in your lane.
Keep in mind everyone’s journey will not look like yours. And you will cross paths with those who are at different junctions or stages of their journey. Therefore, measuring your journey against theirs is futile.
Lastly, in matters of relationships and connections, I advocate for setting your standards. Define the type of relationship you desire, be it personal or professional, and settle for nothing less. Anything less than what aligns with your vision diminishes the potential for authentic, fulfilling connections.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
Running your own business has its challenges and there are days, if I am not careful, I allow it to overwhelm me. However, if the weather is nice out, I will go for a run. A quick two-mile run is all I need some days. However, there are times when I have to reach out to my tribe, my sisterhood, my networking heart-centered women for reassurance and support. Oftentimes, I can identify the reasons for feeling overwhelmed. When I allow my boundaries to be violated, or I am trying to do for others what God did not ordain or quip me to do. Practical strategies include taking time to pour into yourself, lean into your support system and give yourself plenty of grace.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://coach4lifellc.com/index.cfm
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Therealcoach4life
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Coach4LifeLLC
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coach4lifellc/
Image Credits
Karen Williams
