Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kathy Butler. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Kathy, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
Let’s be honest. Finding purpose is often difficult because we are ever-evolving beings. We also don’t live in a vacuum so we are impacted by outside forces. Be it the socialization of our parents; the expectations of family and friends, or the pressures of society to constantly prove our value, credibility and relevance. So for me, I have found my purpose in leaning into all my gifts and understanding that whatever I am doing, I am called to make a difference in the lives of those I touch. Whether it is my advocacy work; writing or officiating a wedding ceremony, my purpose is to be painfully transparent and vulnerable. In doing so, I am helping someone avoid the pain of abuse. In other instances, I am helping someone lean into the pain of experiencing an absentee parent and finding their path to healing. And as an Officiant, I am participating in one of the most important moments in people’s lives and challenging them to celebrate their love in the good times and hold fast to it in the trying times. I have found my purpose in simply being unapologetically ME.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am the Founder of Comfort In The Storm, LLC, an organization that is committed to helping eliminate the epidemic of child sexual abuse. We offer comprehensive child sexual abuse prevention and awareness training to parents, caregivers, and adult professionals. Our training is presented using evidence-based data and research, but as the parents of a survivor, we also have a unique perspective that allows us to share our personal experiences in a meaningful and impactful way. We help protect children from experiencing the trauma of sexual abuse by teaching the adults around them how to talk to their children about body safety; how to identify potential grooming and red flag behaviors of those around them, and how to respond if your child discloses abuse and much more. We also offer micro-sessions, as requested. You can contact us at info@comfortinthestorm.com
I recently released a book, My George: A Love Letter to My Dad. The book is a tribute to the man who raised me whom I affectionately call, George. He came into my life when I was young and provided the unconditional love, sense of belonging and support that my bio dad did not. Through the stories I share, I am showing those who didn’t grow up with their bio dad that sometimes we are conceived in our “dad’s” heart and not during a moment of intimacy. But, we experience the love of a true father nonetheless. This is a painful subject for many and the dad-size hole in their heart needs to heal. I wholeheartedly believe this book can help them kickstart their healing journey.
I am also celebrating Black fathers and father figures. I think it is high time that we #giveBlackdadtheirflowers while they are still with us and can appreciate them. Despite the narrative that is pushed in mainstream media, I am also showing just how active, present and nurturing Black men truly are. You can purchase the book on Amazon – https://a.co/d/cRf4EI2.
As a wedding Officiant; hopeless romantic and someone who truly loves love, I have the distinct privilege of presiding over one of the most memorable moments of people’s lives. I believe a wedding, regardless of its size, should be a uniquely curated celebration that the couple and their guests will remember, Forever. And as someone who cries during the sappy scenes of a love story that unfolds on the big and small screens, or gets warms and tingly when a love song plays on the radio, I love being intricately involved in the moment that two become one by publicly declaring their love for each other and committing themselves in the covenant of marriage. To learn more about my Officiant services, go to foreverbyfancy.com. You can contact me at foreverbyfancy@gmail.com
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Finding my purpose has been rooted in leaning into these three impactful qualities — transparency, vulnerability and empathy,
As a child advocate, it is one thing to talk stats and research, but it takes an extreme amount of transparency that most people won’t lean into to share how child sexual abuse has impacted your child and your family. Because as parents, we have what seems like one job; keep our children safe. So when tragedy and trauma hits your home, you can feel like a failure, and the guilt and shame that comes with it is so heavy. Now imagine what it feels like to live it out loud for the world. That’s what we stepped into when we decided to become child advocates over a decade ago after our daughter disclosed her abuse. We knew we were opening ourselves up to scrutiny and criticism. We knew everyone would not agree with our decision because unfortunately, the topic was, and still is in many ways, very taboo to discuss publicly. But we also understood that we had to be as painfully transparent as possible if we were going to help other families protect their children.
As an author, it was my willingness to be vulnerable that helped me develop my book. In all honesty, the book started out as me writing out my thoughts to share with My George following a phone conversation we had after a week-long celebration of my mom for Mother’s Day. He jokingly asked where his tribute was and we both laughed and wittingly bantered back and forth as we usually do with one another. But in the days, weeks and months that followed, I realized that I had never truly expressed just how grateful I am that he stepped in and stepped up in a way that from the outside looking in, you’d never know he isn’t my biological dad.
I also had to acknowledge the immense pain that the absence of my bio dad caused and the many ways in which it had animated my behaviors and permeated my life. That is where this extreme vulnerability emerged. I needed My George to understand the impact that he’s had on my life, but I also needed to activate and galvanize my tribe — the adults and kids who are living with a dad-size hole in their hearts. Some simply needed to know they are seen and understood. Others needed permission to show the wounds that come from feelings of abandonment; feeling unloved and unwanted, and just feeling like they weren’t enough. I could only do that if I were willing to be vulnerable enough to lay my scars on the proverbial altar of sacrifice knowing full well that I was opening them afresh for the sake of helping someone else heal.
As a wedding Officiant, empathy has helped me to connect with others in a way that puts them at ease and allows them to be in the moment. It’s no secret that getting married, regardless of whether it is done in an intimate ceremony or in grand style, can be a nerve wrecking time for the bride and groom. Add to that, the potential stressors of those around them, they need someone who will ground them and refocus their energy back to one another. That’s where I come in! I am the one reminding them that this is their moment. I am reassuring them that no matter who is trying to potentially hijack their moment in the sun, the day is indeed all about them. I help them to refocus all of their energy back towards one another and the lifelong commitment they are making. And because I am a hopeless romantic who loves love, it brings me immense joy.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
I am looking to collaborate on all fronts! I want to train as many parents, caretakers and adult professionals as possible, so I want to work with schools, municipalities, churches, community service based organizations, youth serving organizations, and anyone else who serves parents and children. Our training can be tailored to the needs of the audience and we can deliver the training in-person and virtually. Connect with me at info@comfortinthestorm.com.
I also want to share my book across all of the same groups. There are adults and kids alike who are suffering in silence because of abandonment issues and oftentimes, they don’t even recognize the breadth of its impact on their lives. I want to start the conversation and help them see where the influence of a father has been in their life all along. And how a change in perspective and labeling can shift their perception from seeing themselves as a fatherless child to seeing themselves as a fully loved and parented child. You can also connect with me about book inquiries at info@comfortinthestorm.com.
As a wedding Officiant, I want to collaborate with wedding planners, venue owners, marriage counselors, wedding vendors and social media influencers. We all play a part in bringing couples together in a way that they’ll remember, Forever. Connect with me at foreverbyfancy@gmail.com.
Contact Info:
- Website: comfortinthestorm.com. foreverbyfancy.com
- Instagram: @Comfortinthestorm @foreverbyfancy
- Facebook: @Comfortinthestorm. @MyGeorge: A Love to My Dad @ForeverbyFancy
- Linkedin: @Comfortinthestorm
- Other: TikTok – @Comfortinthestorm @therealforeverbyfancy
Image Credits
TFF Photos – The Fennell Focus
