We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Katurah Topps. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Katurah below.
Katurah, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
Truthfully, I’ve spent most of my life not knowing I was resilient. When you are in survival mode, you don’t have time to reflect on the strength it takes to survive your circumstances–you just know you have to do it. Since I’ve recently been able to switch my life from surviving to thriving, I’ve been able to look at the resilience it’s taken to go from that scared little girl in a cult, to a powerful NYC attorney.
When I was 9 years old, my already-difficult family environment took a turn for the worst: my family joined an extreme religious cult. The cult decided that young girls should not be educated, and instead needed only to work and learn to be mothers and wives. So at 10 years old I was forcibly removed from my elementary school and told I would never step foot in a school again. I was then thrust into an existence of physical labor, isolation, and indoctrination under the authority of the cult. For years of my childhood, I spent 12-16 hours a day doing grueling manual labor, only stopping to come home and take care of my younger siblings while my mother also worked similar hours for the cult. This lifestyle continued until I was 13 years old, when our cult leader told me I would become his next wife–he was 68 years old at the time. And just like that, my life of religious extremism and indentured servitude now included being child bride–all while trapped on a small 44 acre compound, where the male leaders had intense control over every aspect of my life (down to the clothes I wore, food I ate, words I used, and of course, the man I was required to marry). There was no freedom, just obedience and survival.
Fortunately, one night I mentioned to my mother some of the details of the “wife training” the cult leader had mandated I do, and something in her snapped into reality. I saw her eyes flicker with the realization that I was in true danger. And so, in the dead of night, we managed to escape the cult’s ever-watching eye. We went into hiding in St. Louis, Missouri and began trying to build a life there. I was so excited because I thought escaping the cult meant I was free. For the first time in years, I could finally get a quality education and live freely. But I was mistaken. And while I thought I’d escaped the worst parts of my life, little did I know I was about to enter a new, more personalized version of hardship. After all, I was poor, Black, and a woman entering life in segregated Missouri. Over the next few years outside the cult, I learned the hardships that the “outside world” provided: extreme racism and racist violence, domestic violence, failed educational systems, and poverty to name a few. It was like each time I reached a personal milestone, one of these things would knock me back down.
But something else also happened: each challenge I faced taught me the power of refusing to accept what life hands you. When the school board attempted to shut down the public school I’d been so excited to finally have access to because “these Black kids aren’t going to college anyway,” I learned the power of my own voice. When the armed police that covered my new neighborhood repeatedly harassed and frisked me, I learned the power of placating someone’s ego to secure my physical safety. When I decided to go to college and law school without having ever known anyone who had ever done either, I learned how tenacious and crafty I am. Every late-night study session; juggling of multiple low-paying jobs; systemic injustice; racist, sexist, or homophobic encounter – all of it taught me that I am not limited to accepting the circumstances and people around me. And in each of those instances was a victory.
My survival skills sharpened, my awareness and assessment of others was heightened, and I began to think of ways to protect myself before anything ever happened, so that when the next hit from life came my way, I’d be best equipped to combat it. I learned to be quick on my feet, crafty, creative, and compassionate. And most importantly, I started to see that I had the determination and drive enough that once I decided to do something–literally nothing could stand in my way. I learned to bet on myself, and win.
And now that I am on the other side, and I stand before the world as a successful New York City Civil Rights Lawyer, Motivational Speaker, and Resilience Coach, I see that my resilience was developed and strengthened with every victory along the way. Every moment I felt like giving up and did not, refused to let self-doubt stop me, and did not take “no” for an answer—that’s where my resilience was built. Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable; it’s about choosing to fight back, heal, and to live authentically in your own truth, despite the circumstances you are dealt. Now, I spend my life reminding people that if I can find my way to freedom and build a life I love, anyone can. And I love being the person who can help others see that they can do the same.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
After escaping the cult at 14 years old, I was placed in a public high school solely due to my age. Though I only had a 5th grade education at that point, I was determined to keep up with this new high school environment, and with insanely hard work, eventually excelled to the top of my class. I then went on to college and ultimately graduated from Georgetown Law School and became a New York City attorney.
When people hear my story they immediately think “wow, you made it.” And in a lot of ways I have. In the cult I’d accepted that I would never have autonomy over my life, body, or education. So to land where I am IS incredible. But life didn’t stop there. And after practicing law for nearly 10 years, I was feeling extremely burnt out and unhappy. I was at my “dream job,” in my dream city, and by all objective views, I’d “made it.” But I barely had time for myself, my social and dating lives were suffering, and my job was extremely taxing and all consuming. Put simply, I was overworked, underpaid, and feeling tremendous stress of fighting for my community in a country that often tramples on human and civil rights, leading to me working on some of the most heart-wrenching tragedies (including the murder of George Floyd and the mass deaths of Black Americans during COVID-19 as a result of decades of systemic racism).
So I decided to do something crazy. I quit my job and applied to be on my favorite TV show, CBS “SURVIVOR.” For years Survivor had been my comfort show to escape the world and as I watched the contestants bravely embrace adventure and fun, I wanted to do the same! I wanted joy, laughter, adventure, and challenges that were fun and manageable (instead of the systemic violence I encountered every day at work). So I applied on a whim to SURVIVOR and was immediately casted on the show!
I thought playing on Survivor would just be an adventure to remind me of the spark inside of me–boy was I WRONG. I played on Survivor 45 and during that game, I encountered all sorts of emotional hardships and personal challenges, including receiving a letter from a parent I was no-contact with, being repeatedly bullied and disrespected by an older man on my tribe, who has since admitted that my very presence triggered his issues with his own racial identity, and having my very first panic attack while dangling over the ocean. Yes, it was quite an emotional rollercoaster! And after holding in all of the emotional toll of these events, and going through them alone, while starving on an island, I felt emotionally ready to burst. And so, while on Survivor, the day after my bully left the island I found myself in an emotionally raw place; I was supposed to be celebrating his departure but instead, everything I’d had to hold in while he was with me, was finally able to be released. And during this release, this is when I told the world the story of my childhood in the cult. I expected it to be small thing, just something to get off my chest and lighten the burden on my heart. Instead, Survivor’s nearly 8 million viewers erupted in shock. I received thousands of messages with people sharing their experiences with religious trauma, difficult family dynamics, and just generally overcoming hardship–and critically, how much my honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity empowered and inspired them. Through these countless messages of support, I started to realize how impactful it is that humans share our stories, truthfully and authentically. And that is what I do now. I am a motivational speaker and empowerment coach. I speak with groups (corporations, non-profits, students, survivors of all forms of trauma and abuses, and all types of professionals) and individuals seeking change in their lives, and help them utilize the powerful resilience of the human spirit that is within them, and remind them of the value of speaking their truths, creating their own paths, and not letting anything stand in their way of the life they dream of! This allows me to help and advocate for others as I’ve done my entire career, but also find healing and understand the power of my journey as well. So far, it is my favorite job of all.
Additionally, I am currently writing a book that will finally go into detail about my journey from a child cult survivor to the woman I am today!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The quality that has been most impactful in my journey is the ability to draw on the strength I have within myself. More specifically, when I am looking for guidance on how to navigate a new or difficult situation, I look within. Too often we look to others and outside perspectives for reassurance, clarity, and confirmation that we are doing what is right or on the right path. However, outside perspectives change and aren’t always created without our unique set of circumstances and individuality in mind. But each individual knows themselves; think about it, you, always have you in mind. You know when something feels right or is no longer serving you. You know when a voice inside of you is telling you something– we often just do not take the time to listen to it. I found that drowning out the outside noise and checking in with myself is always the most helpful. I routinely ask myself : how did I feel in a particular situation or around a certain person? What is my body telling me? Did I tense up? Did I feel myself come alive? What is my heart leaning towards? What am I yearning to do? What path forward would make me feel the most complete? Happy? Accomplished? And each time it has lead me on a path that, even if others doubted, turned out to be the best path for me. I strongly belive that betting on yourself is always the surest bet.
Courage is probably the second largest quality I’ve used to get where I am. Anything worth doing will have points of uncertainty, include risk, and even may be scary at times. And this is a good thing. Fear lets us be realistic about what can go wrong, but it doesn’t have to stop us from taking a risk. As cliche as it sounds, no risk, no reward. I remember deciding to officially begin applying to law school. I was absolutely terrified. I knew that as the first person in my family to obtain a college degree, I’d already done more than what was ever expected of me, and I could easily stop there. Plus, law school seemed like such a daunting concept. I’d never even MET a lawyer before. I didn’t really understand what would be required to graduate law school, I just knew it was incredibly difficult and would require me take on hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. Essentially, besides running away from the cult and risking getting caught and killed, applying to law school was the biggest risk I’d taken at that time. I knew that this “idea” could go very wrong and leave me in a worse place that I started. Additionally, I knew that likely no one would be entering law school with the large educational gaps I’d experienced due to the cult. But alas, terrified and all, I jumped. I sold my raggedy ‘97 Ford Escort to have enough money to take the law school prep course, and ran head-first in the direction of my dream. And guess what, it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.
Finally, I’d say the skill of absolute determination. Sometimes you have to be so determined to make something happen for yourself that you accept the hard hours, long days, or whatever other difficulty that comes along because you know in the end it will get you closer to your dreams. There is absolutely no substitute for hard work.
How can folks who want to work with you connect?
Since telling my story for the first time on national television, I’ve spent my time connecting with groups and individuals who have been overlooked, had their voices unheard, and/or have overcome or are working to overcome hardships and trauma. This has included students, corporate groups and professionals, survivors of various forms of violence and trauma, women, and much more. These are the groups I’m passionate about collaborating with and it has been incredibly impactful. Through my motivational speaking engagements and coaching sessions, I’m able to continue helping and giving back to others–something that has always been my passion and has been the center of my career as a civil rights lawyer. Now I get to continue this work of empowering and uplifting people in a different, yet equally profound, capacity!
Contact Info:
- Website: katurahtopps.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hautekatur (@HauteKatur is my IG handle)
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katurah-topps-esq-582a6459/
- Twitter: https://x.com/katurahtopps
- LinkTree: linktr.ee/katurahtopps
Image Credits
images 1 and 2 – CBS Survivor; images 4 and feature photo- Exuse TTD. Brown; images 3, 8, and 9- Yanis Garcia Photography; images 5,6, and 7- Skylan G. Mickens Photography
