Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Katy Yurcheshen. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Katy, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
I believe my purpose is cultivating compassion and empathy for myself and others. I don’t believe I ever found my purpose. It gradually revealed itself to me as I had more and more life experiences. I have deepened my compassion and empathy by going through challenging situations and simply sticking with them. Inevitably, I come out the other side, sometimes a little bruised, but with a deeper appreciation about how I can be more kind and empathetic to myself and others.
A story that comes to my mind that illustrates my “purpose process” is one experience I had with my son, which unfolded over several years.
Isaac is seven years old son. He is sensitive and kind and very sweet. Early on my husband and I noticed he was really hard on himself. If he didn’t do a drawing just right, he would run in his room and lament about how stupid he was. If we disciplined him, even if it was a gentle correction, he would beat himself up about it for hours. Needless to say, we were both really worried and confused. What was this? Where was this behavior coming from? Were we unintentionally contributing to this? I combed the parenting books and asked for parenting advice from seasoned parents.
Finally I ran across a resource that talked about shame. Wow, shame. His behavior matched exactly what the author was talking about. It was really helpful to have a name for it. And it was incredibly helpful to know it is unfortunately common. Upon discovering and being able to name this, I went about learning about all I could in order to successfully parent him
through it. I applied myself to the process. Every time he went into a shame place, I went in to be with him. He didn’t want me to hold him, but I stayed close and told him I was there. We had talks about what happens when he gets into those places and what he feels. We talked about getting a name for that little voice inside of him that says he isn’t good enough. He chose Mr. Nibbles!
This stuff helped, but I couldn’t get over the feeling like I was missing something. I just couldn’t relate to what he was going through. It wasn’t the same as say coaching a friend through a breakup. I could really show up to that one because I had felt that kind of pain. I knew what that was like. Or when I have clients come in with severe chronic pain or illness. I can definitely relate because I’ve been there and I know how awful it is. But as much as I showed up and tried to be there for him, the deep empathizing just wasn’t happening. A part of me just wanted him to get over it.
Well, a while later, I made a mistake with work that I wasn’t happy about. I reflected on it, and realized I could have done things differently, which could have produced a different outcome. I was upset at myself. I always want to do the best I can and I felt I didn’t. I wanted to hide away.
After a few hours of ruminating about the whole incident, I got curious. What the heck was this feeling? I had no clue. So I did what any curious person does, I googled it! What is that feeling when you don’t do something perfectly and afterwards you feel really awful about it? I wasn’t really expecting too much, but I thought I would give it a go. Google surprised me. There was A TON of information on that. And to my astonishment, google knew exactly what to call it as well. SHAME. Oh my God! This was shame. I was totally blown away. I had had this my whole life. I had absolutely no idea I had shame. NONE. Whoa. I had to take a few minutes to really feel into that. What did it feel like? There were a lot of different feels that came up for me.
There was actually a name for this feeling. I thought it was unique to me or just me wanting to do my best. A part of me was embarrassed. Shame is such a charged word. It feels icky and sticky and one of those words you don’t want to be associated with. I was quickly piecing together a direct line from the shame I observed in my son and my own. This all made so much sense.
Once I could name it, I went to work. I went right to the source to heal this one. No, not God. The one and only, Brene Brown. She has got the shame market corned. If you google shame, you 100% will come across her website and all of her books. I researched which one to get and immediately ordered it from the library. Her examples felt like a character sketch of me.
How was it possible I had gone through so many years of having this and had no idea about it? Well, blind spot. Her books provided very practical and helpful advice on how to approach this shame part of myself. I learned a lot and began incorporating them into my life. And a shift began to happen. I definitely became more aware of when this part of me emerged. I noticed the parts of my life where it showed up the most and became very attentive to them.
I also was able to take this knowledge and apply it to my inner meditation world. I am a somatic and craniosacral therapist, which are types of hands-on healing modalities which process “stuff” through the body instead of the mind. This method of working has been incredibly impactful for me not only in my professional career, but in my personal life. I have healed through a lot using this method. So I began to practice tuning into my internal body sensations when shame emerged. It was located right in the part of my body that had always been sensitive. I would feel aches and pains and just general ickiness often in my solar plexus, right between my lungs. At first, it was hard to be in that sensation. I spent my whole life trying to avoid it. But as I practiced more, I was able to be there and it got to be much more tolerable. Then eventually I was able to hold that part in loving care. This was huge for me. I had never done it before and it was so effective for helping to relieve the pain.
This has opened a whole new world for me in how I relate to my son when he experiences shame. I am wholeheartedly able to be there with him now. There isn’t a wall of wishing I knew how he felt. I know exactly how he feels and I can now hold a deep presence for him because I am doing that for myself. This isn’t to say that his or my shame has completely disappeared. It hasn’t. But I can honestly say that we are more connected and we are both able to work with it in a more loving way.
This experience for me was incredibly impactful because it affirmed my commitment to sticking with hard stuff and trusting there are golden nuggets of wisdom to be found within them. Going through this has made my quality of day-to-day life better. I have found a deeper way to love and accept myself and that feels really good. Having this allows me to be with not only my son but others in a deeper more empathetic way, which I value. And it helps me to fill a need inside of me to contribute to the betterment of the world in whatever way I uniquely can.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am a somatic and craniosacral therapist specializing in helping people suffering from chronic illness heal through nervous system regulation work. This work is near and dear to my heart as I had the profound experience of healing from chronic Lyme Disease myself. Years ago I began to experience numbness and tingling in my feet. The sensations began to migrate up my legs and into my hands and arms. Before long, my head began to shake uncontrollably. I was fatigued, had joint pain, couldn’t sleep, and needles to say was really, really freaked out.
Upon the recommendation of a family member who is a neurologist, I got a Lyme test. I thought it would just lead to another dead end because there had been no tick bite in my recent history, but to my utter surprise it tested positive. I immediately got on antibiotics. These did not help. Within weeks, I was in the hospital unable to talk. I was so incredibly scared. I thought I was dying. I remember laying in the bath night after night making plans for my estate and my child when I passed. It was so so scary!
After weeks and weeks of this, I needed different medicine. What I was feeding myself was not working. On the physical level, I changed my diet and added supplements. But I also realized I was feeding myself a mental diet of fear and anxiety. I did a deep dive into retraining my brain and regulating my nervous system. I did an exhaustive search of the latest science and the most effective techniques to begin changing my chemical make-up from the inside out. I began to heal. At first, it was just feeling more positive about life, but eventually physical symptoms began to fade. I became a new person in the process. My incessant need to constantly worry about anything and everything, gave way to an inner joy. I found a new way of living that guides me to this day. Looking back, I was right. A part of me was dying. It gave way to another version of me that was invigorated and relished the beautiful moments of joy in life.
It is this part that motivates me to help others who are also suffering from chronic illness. Every person has their own path to healing. There is no “right” way, but from my experience and those of many of my clients, “getting” this piece of healing the nervous system can often be the missing link to transformative healing. I love teaching my clients about regulating the nervous system because it is like discovering a hidden treasure they never knew they had. By shifting mindset, being consistent about implementing the practices, and avoiding the mental pitfalls that inevitably arise (doubt, fear, exhaustion to name a few) people heal. This lights me up. To be able to guide people to healing is so incredibly fulfilling.
Though it is not an easy path, I believe having a chronic illness provides a powerful opportunity to heal. The empowerment and transformation that occur when one begins to change the script and connect with self in a whole new way is irreplaceable. It is an honor for me to be a mentor and guide for others on this journey.
If folks are interested, I wrote a blog post on my experience healing from chronic Lyme disease here: https://www.mettahealthandwellness.com/news/my-recovery-from-lyme-disease. I am also leading a free 8-week zoom group class on nervous system regulation healing Mondays September 9th-October 28th 12-1 PM PST. In the course we will explore what nervous system regulation is. We will delve into dysregulation and how to recognize when you are in it. We will learn meditations, visualizations, and tips on how to grow your own nervous system regulation. To register, please reach out to Katy at [email protected].
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I would say the first is to follow my intuition. Looking back at the times when I made decisions from my head, they didn’t get me where I ultimately wanted to go. I do have a strong head and it often tells me it knows best, but when I sit back and say, “Ok. I hear you and we are going to sit and wait and feel a little bit,” things tend to go much better for me. Often opportunities that led to the most fruitful rewards for me were simply by me being in the right time at the right place. In order to do this, I tuned into my intuition to guide me.
The second would be to do your inner work. I have noticed it in myself and with my clients that when we have a greater understanding of ourselves and inner motivations, outside circumstances flow much better. If you are hitting a wall, bring your focus within. It may help to work with a therapist or wellness practitioner or energy healer (I have done all of that). Or it may simply be journaling or listening to a youtube video (I’ve done plenty of that too). Once inner roadblocks are cleared, paths often reveal themselves with ease.
The third is stay positive. It is super easy to be a negative nelly and get into a negative loop. It takes discipline to stay hopeful and positive. One tangible piece of advice I tell my clients is to keep a gratitude journal. When you begin to consistently notice the good in your life, you are reinforcing a new neural pathway. Eventually your mind will naturally be drawn to these positive influences and draw more of them into your life.
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
The number one challenge I am facing professionally and as an individual is allowing myself to be seen. There is a shift happening in my work. For years I have worked with people one-on-one in a small office mentoring, guiding, and offering healing. I love intimate work like this. It fills a deep well in me to serve and connect. And yet, recently I have felt a calling to expand the reach of my work. Having the profound experience of healing from severe chronic Lyme Disease through nervous system regulation work, I have an intense passion to share this work on a larger scale. I know there are so many others just like me suffering from devastating chronic symptoms and not knowing how to get better. I went through years of trying to figure it out on my own, before I landed on the knowledge and skill set to be able to reset my nervous system and heal. I don’t want others to have to do the same.
So now I feel like I am on the edge of a much higher diving board, with an intense desire to dive in, but afraid to jump at the same time. I really want to help people like me and I am bound and determined to do this. But I also feel it requires me to go far beyond my comfort zone. I am afraid of increased exposure and being judged. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of leaving a way of working that has served me and my clients and trying something that is new.
Luckily, I have a great tool set to soothe those parts of me. I tell my little girl (yes, inner child!) I am here with her. I tell her that she doesn’t need to have everything figured out and that I will be there to pick her up if she stumbles, or to just simply sit beside her on the ground if she doesn’t want to stand up. I tell that part of myself that I won’t leave her. I tell her that she is learning and there is a learning curve, so be patient. I tell her it is ok to make mistakes and to not know all the answers. And I also give her permission to throw in the towel sometimes and do something else completely not on task just for the hell of it.
These are some of my strategies for tending to myself so the I can take the next step on this path to increased exposure. It’s tough sometimes, but my resolve is strong. I also know the alternative of not doing it, is not an option. As a healer I feel an intense drive to help others. I trust this drive and I trust the Divine will place me where I need to be in order to do this. It is a constant leaning into this calling, showing up, and putting one foot in front of the other.
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