We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kelee Love a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Kelee , so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
After a divorce in early 2012, I experienced a dark night of the soul, developing a substance abuse problem with alcohol, and diving into a deep, trauma fueled depression where I had trouble holding employment. Within a matter of months, I had found myself almost homeless, and at my rock bottom. I had zero self-esteem or confidence, and knew I had to do something different otherwise I’d plunge deeper into the abyss of self-sabotage, using alcohol to numb my unresolved pain of past trauma, abuse and addiction issues.
There was a small inner voice that nudged me to start attending meetings at a twelve-step program. I intuitively knew that I would never find true happiness had I continued to drink, or engage in other harmful behaviors. The small inner voice, which I believe is my intuition, the part of myself that is connected to all that there is, wanted me to find peace and serenity. As terrified as I was to make the necessary changes to find recovery from addiction, that inner voice guided me to not only attend recovery meetings, but subsequently, engage in other small acts of building self-trust.
In my first few years of recovery, my self-esteem was still at an all-time low. Except, now I wasn’t creating more shame in my life by participating in those behaviors that landed me in the morass of self-pity in the first place. I hung on to that still small voice and followed the advice of people who seemed to be living decently happy lives. It was suggested that I start each morning by making my bed, so that when I came home from the end of the day, I would have accomplished one little task.
After I mastered making my bed, I would spend a few moments writing out what I was grateful for, followed by two or three things I would do that day for my own well-being, i.e., go to the gym, call a friend, read a book. Then I would end my days with an acknowledgement of what I’d accomplished that day. The more I followed through with the small tasks I’d promised myself, the greater my confidence grew from within, and I learned that it wasn’t in the large grand gestures that my self-esteem was built, but rather in tiny decisions of well-being, each and every day. Healing is an everyday occurrence, and so it building self confidence and esteem.
Over time, that small inner voice encouraged me to share with others what I’d done to help myself, and more and more opportunities came to build greater confidence. I’d been invited to teach workshops, and share my message with others on healing, each time I’d be met with anxiety and fear. Was I enough to teach? Would I be ridiculed or taken seriously? Those questions started to not matter as much as the love I had for the process I’d experienced, and it was my deep desire to help others that propelled me forward by saying yes to opportunities to not only share the healing with others, but to continue to build my self-assurance with who I was, and the mission I’d be given by that small inner voice.
Since then, I’ve had many opportunities to stretch myself and tap into that inner resource that tells me that who I am, and what I give to the world, is more than enough. Each time I am asked to share publicly about the work I do, what I help others with, and what I’d like to share with the world, there’s still that old part of me that is worried that I am not worthy or enough. However, experience has taught me that by saying yes to opportunity, and stretching my comfort zone is where the magic in life happens.
Am I always confident? No. I have my moments where I fall back into self-doubt and apprehension. But what I do about this is different than it used to be. I can now sit with the discomfort of stretching myself to new heights and depths and remind myself of the girl I was a little over ten years ago, be proud of who I have become. It’s been the daily things I do, starting with making my bed, getting exercise, meditation and breathwork, choosing to think of myself positively and moving forward with courage that have helped me the most.
Confidence is built by tiny acts of self-love. It’s in the thoughts I choose to think, the words I choose to use and the habits I’ve chosen to cultivate. It started with the first decision that I, too, deserved happiness and peace, and I would not be a victim of my circumstances. The self-esteem I have cultivated within myself is an ever-expanding journey of self-love and discovery, and it’s one I hope that no one misses.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
For the past eight years I’ve been focused on helping other women build self-love, confidence, and create their lives in such a way that allows them the freedom and happiness we each deserve. I had previously had several years as a Corporate Trainer and Coach, so I used my skill set to create content to share what methods I’d used to help myself in my own healing journey. Shortly after I started posting about my own healing journey on social media, I was invited to teach on the same concepts and methods of cultivating self-love and self-esteem, as a key-note speaker, event host and retreat leader.
Over the years, I have developed several different variations of coaching programs, private and group, designed to help women fully own their authentic voice, build confidence from within, stop the people pleasing, and build a life of peace and personal freedom. I have worked with hundreds of women all over the world on setting better boundaries, learning to love themselves authentically, and stepping into the lives they were truly meant to lead. I offer many teachings for free on my YouTube channel, and through my website.
A few years back, I was invited to share my teachings on Utah’s ABC4 Good Things Utah and have been back several times as a regular contributor. In April 2023 I felt the call to come to Costa Rica and start teaching from this beautiful oasis, bringing private clients here for retreats focused on healing their relationship with their inner self so that they can live the life they’ve always dreamed.
What’s exciting about what I do is when I can guide a woman to tap into her own inner strength and power to create long lasting changes in her life, resulting in improved health, career opportunities, relationships and overall, a sense of grounded harmony in her life.
What I do with women is guide them to a place of radical self-trust by teaching them how to change their inner narrative, which I call the “inner mean girl”, along with learning how to set boundaries and stop the people pleasing.
My favorite is when a woman comes to me, likely after a failed relationship, with little to no self-esteem. She’s lost, confused, overwhelmed, feels broken and even like there’s no hope for where she is at. When I see her make tiny, yet powerful habit changes, I see how her outlook on life changes to one of hope.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Courage: Embracing the Unknown The most impactful quality I’ve cultivated is one of courage to face the self-defeating patterns of thought and behaviors that led down a dark path. If it wasn’t for courage to be willing to do things differently, I wouldn’t have made it to this point in my journey. In early days, my confidence was brittle, and any form of criticism would have me second guessing what I felt naturally inspired to do. By nurturing myself to walk through my deepest fears of rejection, abandonment and feeling like an imposter, my courage muscle was built, and it’s served me well. It’s not that I wasn’t afraid to face difficulties, I was, however I chose to dig deep into believing that I have already overcome so many challenges, that I could walk bravely into the face of whatever came my way, even while sometimes shaking in my boots.
Resilience: Bouncing Back Stronger
My entrepreneurial and self-love journey has been chocked full of difficulties because life happens on life’s terms. I have learned that to be a public figure that helps others grow and heal, I had to be willing to become resilient, not only while building my coaching practice, but also in the face of other adversity. In summer of 2020, I left a toxic relationship that left me feeling broken into a thousand shards of myself. Persevering forward, I decided to take a few months off coaching and refocus my efforts on rebuilding my own life.
I healed the wounds within myself that were created while being in that relationship and was able to use this to help others. Persevering through difficult times, and the ability to bounce back through resilience, helped me build a deeper sense of self-trust and confidence.
Compassion: Embracing Imperfection
Compassion towards myself, and towards others, has been an integral part of my ability to help others heal and grow. If I cannot be compassionate towards myself, it’s difficult for me to experience empathy for others. Compassion allows me to meet others where they are, and offer guidance and methods towards a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Bringing It All Together
Through courage, resilience, and self-compassion I have established abiding self-trust, counting on my ability to overcome life’s problems. As a coach, I have had several mentors, therapists and coaches, that have helped me see how I can utilize my past to build the life I have today. I never thought I’d be writing this from my dream location, the pristine beaches of Costa Rica, where I have resided the last year. Had I not been able to cultivate those three qualities, I would have stayed stuck in my own self-defeating patterns, and never would have the ability to help others.
Cultivating courage, resilience, and self-compassion is a transformative journey that requires patience, practice, and perseverance. Like tending to a garden, it takes time and effort to nurture these qualities. Embrace your journey, knowing that each step forward, even if small, brings you closer to your best self.
In times of doubt, remember the power you possess to overcome challenges, adapt to change, and offer yourself the love and understanding you deserve. Embrace the unknown with courage, bounce back from adversity with resilience, and shower yourself with self-compassion. By tending to these qualities, you’ll not only thrive in the face of adversity but also inspire those around you to do the same.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
For me, becoming overwhelmed stems from not holding true to my own priorities, lacking personal or professional boundaries, or by focusing too much on people and situations that are out of my control. My relationship with overwhelm changed when I decided that I was 100% responsible for managing the way I felt, including when I allowed myself to fall into anxiety and worry. There are four steps I personally follow when I find myself overwhelmed. #1 – Breathe and acknowledge my feelings. Feelings aren’t bad or good, they just are and they are indications of what needs to change in my life. The worst thing I can do when I feel anxious, worried, or weighed down is to distract myself, or dissociate, or blame someone else for my overwhelm. Instead, a simple acknowledgement of how I currently feel can be used to guide me towards what needs to change in my life.
#2- Adopt the “First Things First” attitude: What needs to be done today for my own wellbeing? If I haven’t properly cared for myself, my overwhelm is heightened. First, I need to tend to self-care activities and get grounded before dealing taking on a long “to-do list”. I love to use the H.A.L.T. method. Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired? If I am, take care of those immediate needs first. Only when I have my needs for sustenance, connection and rest can I tackle the bigger priorities.
#3- Focus only on what I can control: Asking the question: “what can I control?” There are a lot of times I have become overwhelmed because I’ve focused on things out of my control. Choosing to let go of anything that’s truly out of my control frees up energy to work on the challenges that I do have the ability to take action on.
#4 – Make a priority list and stick to it: I get to define my priorities, and so does every one else. We all have the ability to choose how much time and energy we spend, on what and with whom. There are priorities that are not as flexible as others, say if you have children, or own a business, or have to go to work each day, however many of the women I work with end up prioritizing other people’s priorities, rather than their own. Not knowing, and sticking to, our own priorities leaves us resentful, and almost always results in overwhelm. When we re-prioritize what’s important, we stop wasting precious time, energy and resources on what’s not ultimately tied to our true and lasting happiness.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://keleelove.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/keleeloveofficial
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/keleeloveofficial
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keleelove/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@keleelove
- Other: All my free online classes can be found: https://keleelove.com
Image Credits
I took all the photos.