We were lucky to catch up with Kelley Marie Nussbaum recently and have shared our conversation below.
Kelley Marie, thrilled to have you on the platform as I think our readers can really benefit from your insights and experiences. In particular, we’d love to hear about how you think about burnout, avoiding or overcoming burnout, etc.
In my opinion Burnout is one of the most underrepresented issues in today’s society, I have personally experienced it, watched my husband experience it, as well as countless friends. The hardest part about experiencing Burnout is actually identifying it when we were raised in a society and pushed along in a culture that chooses to ignore it or mislabel it. “Hustle culture,” the “American Dream,” all the self help headlines: “How to become a morning person in 6 steps…” everywhere you look you’re being marketed to be a better version of who you are right now, encouraged to do more, be more, make more, take on more. It’s not realistic. What is realistic is our mental health crisis in this country. What is realistic is our suicide rates in this country… I learned only a few years ago, at the ripe age of 32 to reshape my thinking and to respect that my brain is a muscle and just like any other muscle in our bodies it needs to recoup after a hard work out. Pushing through something hard is good for helping build resilience, self confidence, self worth, learning new skills, etc. but our personal (and cultural) reward system shouldn’t always be, or CAN’T always be to turn around and immediately fight the next dragon. I, like most, had to learn the hard way to not only identify that I was burnt out but how to set proper boundaries on how to recoup from it and not fall ill to it again.
The ways in which I had to readjust was to set boundaries. As it goes for all relationships, boundaries are the healthiest thing to have and naturally the hardest to set and maintain. Often times we don’t realize we need to set a boundary until after it’s been repeatedly crossed. But if you can learn to set boundaries and maintain them then you’re on the path to a healthier mind and a more balanced life.
Since I am a small business owner I know that if I don’t get up and answer my emails, texts, and calls that nobody else is going to do it for me. By being so tied to that notion I set boundaries on my schedule and learned to set better expectations with my clients. Working remotely can really skew a person’s typical availability unlike your standard 9-5 or 8-6 corporate schedules, where you physically have to get up and go to an office building, creating a built-in physical barrier to your work life hours. Thankfully our iPhones came out with the “Do Not Disturb” function right about this time. Being that I am a wedding planner it’s really common for my “professional time” to have to align with clients’ personal life time – ie. they typically cannot take calls about planning their wedding during their corporate work hours. So I have to extend my schedule later in the day often, which isn’t the crux of the issue necessarily, moreso the way in which I mismanaged it when my client load was way too high. This is what setting boundaries to avoid burnout looked like for me:
– Taking on less clients; shifting my mindset to say “No” to many client opportunities so I could say “Yes” to the right client opportunities for me. By doing this I made roughly the same income, if not slightly more, with 14 clients than I did the year prior with 28 clients. This reduced my physical travel schedule/time away from home/my family and allowed me to have way more time to dedicate to each client which reduced a lot of stress and overloading my brain with details.
– Setting work schedule boundaries by turning on my DND from 9pm to 9am. If I wished to respond to a client in that time that was my choice, but it really helped my stress and anxiety be reduced because I wasn’t constantly feeling inundated with questions and requests or updates with every “ding, ding” of my phone. It retrained my brain and helped me not feel guilty for having a personal life.
– Therapy, Journaling, Walking, Regularly Scheduled Workout Classes – all these things were really good for my mental health which suffered greatly due to burnout. In particular going for walks and having a 2-3 scheduled Pilates classes were great non-negotiable breaks in my week to just focus on my body, get some Vitamin D and endorphins, and to be present for myself. I recommend scheduling out at least a month ahead having a weekly work out class or hobby of some kind so you train yourself to plan your other meetings around it. If you’re like me then if something isn’t in your calendar it “doesn’t exist” so this is a good way to stay committed and have personal time to look forward to.
– Learning the signs of burnout so you can avoid it from happening again. Naturally things will pick up again in life and your load can start to feel really heavy or you can just start running ragged. I felt burn out creeping back in this past Fall after a really busy and challenging few months at work and in my personal life with moving, changes in our childcare situation and availability, etc. The best thing I did was to outright identify it and set the tone for myself and with my support system. I spoke to my husband and say essentially ‘hey, this isn’t working, I need help.’ And I set an out of office response for almost an entire month of December that said in not so few words: “In full transparency I’m traveling for work out of the country, hosting family, and then my 2 year old is out of school for 2.5 weeks and I’m our only childcare solution during that time, so I am here and working but not at my typical capacity and need some patience during this time.” Not only was it very well received and <i>respected</i> it also made me feel like I gave myself the space and time I needed to avoid a break down from burnout. After 3.5 weeks of taking it slow, just chipping away at work steadily but also being really present and peaceful in my home life I was able to enter the New Year in a way, way better place.
The lesson learned here is: avoiding burnout is so possible as long as you can identify it. All too often people ignore the signs or feel like they have to keep showing up in hard situations, heavy work loads, etc. when in reality we need to normalize prioritizing our personal wellbeing more and supporting and respecting each other when someone needs to take a step back or manage our expectations. Listen to the little voice in your gut or brain saying “it’s just too much.” Despite the cheeky internet memes making light of feeling like you need to run away in order to breath, it is <i>not</i> normal and it also won’t fix anything until you gain control over your day to day and how much you let flow to and from you. Prioritizing yourself is the way out of Burnout and paves the path to having a more balanced, less stressed life with quality productivity.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am a wedding planner in New England, New York, and for Destination Weddings. I have owned my business A La Carte Events for 8 years and I love getting to work with so many couples who are in this very exciting and also challenging stage of their lives. I pride myself on creating events that are authentic to my couples and for also helping these (typically) young women and young men through an experience that I feel is really a “coming of age.” Often my clients come to me anxious and unsure and really crave guidance, a confidence boost, and just a steady beacon of support. I love being that for my couples. I also adore the creative process and event design – colors, energy, flowers, textures, you name it. I really value myself being a split brained person by being this little logistical wizard while balancing that with visual creativity and floral design.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
1. No one is going to do it for you, get up and get into it so you can do it for yourself. You’ll save money and build confidence. I saved so much money by making my own website on WordPress, my own logo and branding on Canvas, taking a social media course so I could boost my following and online marketing skills. Don’t ever underestimate your capacity to learn or improve, your wallet and business will be better for it. 2. There are literally NO stupid questions. Ask anything and everything. I’d rather someone think I was dumb for asking a question than actually look dumb by assuming and screwing something up that could’ve been avoided.
3. You’re going to mess up. You’re human. But when you do, don’t go to the client, boss, etc. with just the problem, make sure you also show up with possible solutions. Everything is fixable to some degree, spend your energy on how to fix vs. festering on what went wrong. Learn the lesson quickly and be ready to fix it quickly.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
My parents believed in me and never scoffed at any passion I wished to pursue. I didn’t realize how lucky I was until I was a senior in high school in AP Art (I originally went to college for Fine Art Photography) and I had a classmate who was hands down the most talented drawing/painting student I’d ever met. We were discussing where we were applying for college and she told me her parents would not let her go to an art school or to college for a degree in Art. I was talented, but she blew me and anyone else in that class out of the water, and I couldn’t believe it went so unrecognized or invalidated at home for her. I found a resounding feeling of being loved and supported by my parents in that moment; they never once questioned or tried to divert me. And to go on from there, when I changed majors, when I pursued a career in events, when I left the safety of a salary and benefits in corporate America to start my own business…. Never once did they waver in their support, plant a seed of doubt, you name it.
Contact Info:
- Website: Www.alacarteeventplanning.com
- Instagram: Alacarte_events
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alacarteeventplanning
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/mwlite/profile/me?trk=p_mwlite_feed-secondary_nav
Image Credits
Tony Spinelli Photography Kel C Photography Lindsay Lazare Photogrpahy Hope Allison Photography Kirsten Holliday Photo Sweet Alice Photography Kelly Kollar Photography Marilyn Lamanna Photography
