Meet Kelly Buckley

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kelly Buckley a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Kelly, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?

I believe that life unfolds as it should, so my entire journey has prepared me to be the resilient and hopeful soul I am today.

I grew up in Newfoundland, Canada, a beautiful and rugged island on the east coast of Canada. The very roots of my resilience come from there. The history of the island and its people inspire me, and I am so proud of my roots.

I became a mother as a teenager, so my resilience journey began at a very young age. I delivered twins prematurely, and one son lived, while my second son, Matthew, died at birth.

My surviving son Stephen and I essentially grew up together. From the beginning, he was an old soul and simply a joy to be around. But 23 years after his birth, he died. The sudden, unexpected death completely devastated me.

It was in that brokenness that I found clarity. I had walked through his entire life, balancing the happy and the sad. With every birthday, I would celebrate Stephen during the day, then quietly remember Matthew that evening. The boys were identical twins, so as Stephen grew, I could see what Matthew would look like, and I would imagine them playing together.

From the beginning, I knew what I had to do, standing on the shoreline of Jordan Lake, NC, waiting for the divers to find my precious boy. I knew I had to look for the tiny blessings that remained. Standing on the edge of an abyss is how I’d describe it. I would have been lost forever without immediately looking for blessings. I knew that with a certainty I had never felt before.

What was I thankful for on the worst day of my life? The divers had the most challenging job imaginable. His friends, who stayed with us, when it would have been much easier to leave.

That was in 2009, and I have been looking for tiny blessings every day since. And that is how I built a resilient life from the ashes of my grief and despair. Each day, I chose to look for and find little things to be grateful for. Some days, it was that my broken heart continued to beat. Other days, it was laughter and moments of normalcy with our younger son.

And, as a family, we tethered all those little things together, and they led us out of the darkness back to the light.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I began writing immediately after the loss of Stephen. I felt compelled to share the journey, to document the beauty and magic that surrounded us, especially during that first year.

Years later, I have published three books, Gratitude in Grief, Just One Little Thing, and The Path: A Journal From Pain to Purpose.

I have an online group, Just One Little Thing, that has over 130,000 members from over 48 different countries. The purpose of the group is to share hope, teach about the power of gratitude, and inspire others to rediscover their own beauty after loss.

I speak internationally, both to the bereaved community and to professional groups, about workplace wellness and dealing with grief in the workplace. As a former COO of a large health region in Canada, I feel the combination of my professional experience with my personal journey equips me to inspire change in others.

In the Fall of 2023, I launched my podcast, broken Beautiful Me: Stories of Hope Gratitude and Resilience. The podcast is about sharing our stories, and I could not be more excited and inspired. Each guest brings their own story of being broken, and how they put their lives back together. Because we all have a story. And sharing them is what will allow us to heal as a community.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

1. As I said earlier, I believe the roots of my resilience played a massive role in how I responded to my life circumstances later in life. I came from a family that didn’t give up.

2. The ability to find peace during the storm. My maiden name is Russell, and our family motto is Che Sara Sara. “What will be will be.” I live and breathe that motto.

3. My ability to communicate, but also to not take myself too seriously.

For others who are on a similar path or simply looking for more peace in their lives, I would recommend:

1. Start a daily gratitude practice based on your truth, not on what you think you should be grateful for. People get confused about gratitude and feel it only fits when life is going well. Nothing could be further from the truth! Gratitude is most powerful when you actively seek out the blessings around you. It anchors you to the present moment, and in the present moment, you are not thinking of regrets of the past or worries of the future. You are right here, right now, and you are okay. It cannot change the pain of loss, but it can alleviate some of the suffering. So be grateful for the hard lessons learned, the cleansing tears, the rainbow after a storm, or that your broken heart continues to beat.

2. Stop swimming against the current of your life. You will only exhaust yourself. Stop, do some breathing exercises, and remind yourself that you have successfully faced every challenge life has given you so far. There is no reason to think that this time will be any different. Use the mantra “Che Sara Sara.” We cannot change some of the things that happen in our lives. But we always have the power to choose our response.

3. Share your story: If you want to truly heal, find your community and share your story. We are all part of this human experience, and despite what the news may say, we are all more alike than different. Sharing your story is how you heal, and also how you inspire others to do the same.

Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?

I have a small book that I’ve had in my purse since 2009. I carry it everywhere. It is the pocket Pema Chodron. In it, she talks a lot about suffering and acceptance and that deep within all of us, we have an unchangeable core. it cannot be altered by any means, or any circumstance. Knowing that an unchangeable core sits in all of us is a beautiful thought when you feel your life is falling apart.

I have read and reread each entry hundreds of times, and I take away something different each time.

I keep it in my purse because sometimes, when the world is clamorous, I have it on hand to reconnect me with what matters.

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Image Credits

Photos by Jamie Shook-Vintage Daisy Photography

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