We recently connected with Ke’o Velasquez and have shared our conversation below.
Ke’o, so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?
That’s a great question because I believe empathy is something that you can develop. I’ll answer that as I share my 5 lessons with empathy.
#1 Empathy is not automatic or innate
It is assumed empathy is something you either have or don’t. While some people may be more naturally empathetic, it is a skill that can be cultivated through active listening, curiosity, and modeling.
I came from a family where my father didn’t miss work regardless of illness or injury. Although he was a very kind and easy-going person, he maintained the philosophy of “wrap that mess up and get back to work”. My mother, also a very hard-working person, maintained a similar attitude. Conversely, when we would get sick, she was very attentive and nurturing. We tend to emulate the behaviors that are modeled to us at an early age. My childhood was no exception to that. As I entered positions of leadership in my teens and early adulthood, empathy was challenging for me to apply in a professional setting. I’ve maintained a very strong work ethic and a very small reserve of tolerance for what I perceived as excuses. For me, hearing people come up with 1,000,001 reasons why they could not work as hard or complete what I felt were easy tasks was very frustrating. Once again, the environment and those you interact with help shape and evolve your views. The first shift in my approach to empathy was during my first year of culinary school. The head of the program and first-year instructor, Jean, had built the entire curriculum and culinary school from nothing. Despite limited resources, she created an environment that allowed students from all backgrounds to thrive. This small school consistently produced students who competed at a national level and went on to become notable chefs. She was a model of true selflessness. Her passion and dedication were even more evident when she retired, and there was a strong shift away from a student-centric focus. Jean taught me the value of putting others before yourself and encouraging people to strive for excellence regardless of circumstances.
#2 Empathy does not equal agreeing with someone
Often, empathizing is thought to mean agreeing with the other person’s view. Empathy is about understanding how someone feels, not endorsing their opinion or behavior.
The next shift for me was during my career as a Chef while working in a variety of kitchens. Here I met people from all walks of life. Those who worked two full-time jobs, sacrificing physical and mental health to make a better life for their families. People who had come to the country both legally and illegally. Sometimes through harsh and unimaginable circumstances. People who had been overlooked or lost their fire to strive for more. I’ll never forget a cook who had been working the same job for close to 20 years and had only been promoted once. She was known to have a bad temper and could be difficult to work with at times. New to the position, I spent some time observing her and realized she was far more skilled than her position merited. I also noticed she would swing between timid and confrontational. One day, when she got into it with a coworker and lost her temper, I pulled her into my office. She sat there looking at the floor, expecting to get an extensive reprimand, as I imagine had been done many times before. I took a chance and made an educated guess. I told her I wanted to share a thought with her. I said, “I don’t think your temper stems from malice or ill will, but from a lack of self-confidence, and the only way you can find that confidence is by leaning into your anger. If we can work with you to build up your confidence, you can set boundaries without having to rely on your temper”. I asked her if she would be willing to make it right with the other employee with either an apology or a discussion. I also told her she was far more skilled than her current position, and I was going to promote her, but with that promotion came the understanding that I was going to push her to achieve even more. It was the last thing that she expected; she had a complete breakdown, but what transpired afterwards was a complete transformation. There were still times she had to work on her delivery, but she learned to find her confidence and her voice. She became a leader in the kitchen that the staff looked up to. I don’t think she ever realized that experience was just as impactful for me. It showed me the power that empathy can have.
#3 Empathy will overwhelm or emotionally exhaust you!
True empathy includes emotional boundaries. Compassion fatigue is often the result of unregulated empathy without recovery, not empathy itself.
My next big lesson occurred when I stepped into a new role as an Executive Director in senior living. Stepping into the leadership at an assisted living community just as the world was gripped by COVID, everyone turned to you for guidance, support, and reassurance. In that moment, empathy was no longer simply a gift you offered. It became an emotional fuel, a vital resource constantly drawn upon by those around you to feel safe, steady, and hurt. The demand for that emotional fuel was relentless, threatening to deplete reserves and overwhelm your spirit. I learned that to be able to continue giving without depleting your well, you must learn to set boundaries that allow you to replenish your spirit.
#4 Empathy = Equals feeling with someone, not for.
Many confuse empathy with sympathy or pity. Empathy means feeling with someone. Entering their emotional experience without judgment.
This lesson revolves around death. During my time as an Executive Director, I got up close and personal with death. While I learned to navigate all the nuances that came with the role, I would sometimes joke that I missed that course in culinary school. However, I don’t think there is a course that can prepare you for navigating the emotions that come with watching someone’s loved one pass away. A mother, a father, a grandmother, a great-grandfather, a brother, a friend….. Your initial reaction is to respond with sympathy or even pity. You get to know the people in your building and become friends with them. You build bonds with them and form meaningful relationships. Your initial views on this give way to the realization that sometimes the best thing you can do is simply be present and engaged. In my current role, one of our businesses is an inpatient Hospice Center in the building next door. It is a beautiful and amazing campus. Often people join us in the final week of their life, sometimes the final 24 hours. A coworker once told me he never knew how to interact with people when he would walk over there to get his lunch at the cafe. He was scared to say “have a good day” or even be friendly, considering what they’re going through. Yet there are constant stories from family members there about how they shared these meaningful and amazing memories with a loved one while in our care. For me, it goes back to the lesson about feeling with someone and entering their emotional experience without judgment.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I often say my career has been a series of unexpected turns, fueled by hard work and a deep appreciation for people. I started out building houses with my dad and working on farms in Hawaii, then pivoted into culinary arts, a detour sparked by a casual conversation during college registration. That “detour” became a 20-year culinary career, taking me around the world, mentoring others, and even dabbling in restaurant financial software along the way. I’ve never followed a traditional path, but I’ve followed passion, curiosity, and service at every stage.
Today, I serve as the Corporate Director of Operations for Forefront Living, a nonprofit senior living organization based in Dallas. We operate a continuum of care that spans retirement communities, hospice, palliative care, and grief support. My role is incredibly dynamic. One moment I’m working with a department to analyze staffing models, and the next I’m collaborating on the design of our next campus. What ties it all together is a belief that empathy and service can transform how we care for others. Especially during life’s most vulnerable moments.
What makes this work special is the mission. We don’t just provide services, we walk with people through deeply human experiences, like aging, loss, and healing. One of the most meaningful examples is Camp Erin, a grief camp we hosted for families and children navigating the loss of a loved one. Programs like this reflect why I do what I do: to create spaces where people feel supported, seen, and valued.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
For me the three main things are: self-awareness with emotional growth, taking human centered approach to leadership, and learning boundary management for sustainable empathy.
Empathy is not a fixed trait, but a lived practice, one shaped by choice, environment, and intention. Some of the most powerful acts of empathy are quiet, intentional, and sometimes invisible. For those their hypothesis could be just starting: it’s not about grand gestures. It’s about showing up, staying open, and learning to sit in the discomfort of another’s reality without trying to steal the pen and rewrite their story.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
This brings me to #5 Empathy solves problems
Often, the belief is that empathy automatically leads to an effective action or resolution. Empathy is awareness, not necessarily a solution. It must often be paired with wisdom, communication skills, or problem-solving encouragement to create a meaningful impact
As I sit here typing up my responses to this interview, I am mentally preparing myself for an upcoming week. I’m accompanying my son on his first Boy Scout camping trip. He and the entire group of boys that he has known since at least kindergarten as Cub Scouts. They will all be venturing on this journey together. While there are other adult leaders, I’m the only parent from this core group to accompany them. All the other parents are looking to me for reassurance that I will keep one of the most important people in their lives safe. This is an important milestone for all of them to learn independence and interdependence amongst themselves. They will be tasked with problem-solving, leadership, and of course, empathy amongst each other. I will be tasked with being there as an adult leader and not a dad. This will be a true test of being empathetic, but not jumping into fix-it mode. I have to navigate being present but allowing them all, my son included, to struggle in a meaningful and impactful way.
The path on my journey with empathy has never been a consistent one. As with anyone, the noise in your personal or professional life can replenish or deplete the well from which you have to offer to others. I read that empathy is the emotional resonance with another person. The ability to mentally and emotionally step into their experience without necessarily trying to fix it. Compassion, on the other hand, is empathy plus a desire to help. A movement from feeling with somebody to doing something for them. That resonated with me as I look into this next week of “firsts” with my son and his friends. May we all learn to offer a warm smile, a quiet ear, or the stillness of just being present on our journey down this path.
