We recently connected with Kevin Nahai and have shared our conversation below.
Kevin, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
I have an interesting relationship with confidence and self-esteem. I had them naturally as a kid, then I lost them completely in college, then I had to re-learn them as an adult.
How do you teach someone how to regain their confidence and self-esteem? It is a very intangible skill that we don’t learn in school, we can’t develop overnight, and most people don’t have a good grasp on anyway. But the truth is, they are teachable skills.
At the age of 21, I found myself in a predicament: after battling with incapacitating anxiety and depression, losing 70 pounds, and having no friends, no money, and no direction, I had to teach myself how to gain confidence, believe in myself, and rebuild my life.
Therapy helped tremendously; volumes of self-help books helped somewhat; but what helped more than anything was the following:
1) Building my self-respect through respectable behavior, building my self-esteem through esteemable acts
2) Building discipline; doing the thing I said I would do, and keeping my promises to myself
3) Showing myself kindness, gentleness, and acceptance.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am a Therapist & Coach in Los Angeles, CA! I work with individuals, couples, families, and groups, both virtually and in-person. I help people with their love lives (whether single, married, or experiencing challenges), anxiety, depression, addiction, career issues, difficult life transitions, and poor habits. I absolutely love what I do!
I got into this work both because because of my personal struggles and because of my personal experience with therapy/coaching.
When I was 19 I was diagnosed with an extremely painful autoimmune disease, from which I suffered for the better part of a decade. As a result of the illness, I fell into a painful spiral of depression, panic attacks, body dysmorphia, self-harm, and eating disorders.
To help with all of this, I hired various therapists, coaches, and specialists. I was in some form of therapy for 7 years consistently, week in week out. There is no doubt that these practitioners saved my life, and to them I am eternally grateful.
However, I kept noticing that no matter how great the provider was, there were still some gaps that were not being filled. There were things I wanted that I wasn’t getting. The Therapists had the things the Coaches didn’t, the Coaches had the things the Therapists didn’t, but no one had it all.
Therefore, I set out to create a hybrid model that was better than what I had experienced, and it is this model that A) creates such incredible results for my clients and B) sets me apart.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Wow, well it has been a long and interesting road with many mistakes and ups and downs. I will do my best to lay out the most important steps (not necessarily in order) I took in order get to where I am — even though I still have a ways to go!
1. Get a mentor who is in the field you want to go into. One of the best things I ever did was to hire several practitioners who could teach me how they built their practices and how to be a better clinician, having done it themselves.
2. What you fear is where you should go. If you are afraid to spend that $10,000 on a new certification, it is probably what you need to do. If you are afraid to start your private practice, you probably have a yearning for it in your heart. If you are afraid to get the mentor, lean into the fear and do it. Be courageous. Great blessings usually occur on the other side of fear.
3. Don’t be rash, but take the action you can take today. Have a vision for where you would like to go and then reverse engineer to what you can do right now. No matter how meticulously you plan out every step, it will change! You don’t have to know how it is all going to unfold; you just have to be brave enough to take an action now.
4. Distinguish yourself. What makes you different than everyone else in your industry? What is your unique skill? What unique outcome can you provide? Before you worry about making money, scaling, hiring other people, etc, discover the answers to these questions. Figure out the reason that you are different or better than your competition, and make sure it is specific.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
Pause; do not react. Reacting is any action we take in order to avoid discomfort, fix a situation, or create instant gratification for ourselves. It could be hastily sending an email or making a phone call; losing our temper; pulling out of a deal; spending money; et cetera. All reactivity comes from a place of need, lack, fear, or doubt — I need to fix this problem, I’m afraid of this thing happening, et cetera. When we operate from that place of fear and lack, we only ever. make poor decisions. Sit in the discomfort and overwhelm and anxiety. Tolerate it for a few moments and let it pass. Then, when you have a clearer mind, you can decide the right course of action. Pause. Do not react. Trust in God. Whatever is happening, it is good. Allow the process to unfold as it is rather than as you think it should be.
Contact Info:
- Website: kevinnahai.com
- Instagram: instagram.com/kevinnahai
- Youtube: youtube.com/kevinnahai
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/kevin-nahai-los-angeles
Image Credits
Doug Long, Xenia Leo
