Meet Kikki Boinski

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kikki Boinski. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Hi Kikki , appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?

Thank you for asking me. To answer your question, my paternal grandmother, Dena. I never heard my dad call her mom. He called her, Molly, after the Unsinkable Molly Brown on the Titanic.

She is a legend in my family and still inspires us every day.

When I want to give up, I think of everything she went thru and it pushes me to keep going. I never had a relationship with my grandmother, because my mom alienated me from her. My dad maintained a relationship with his mom, us kids couldn’t. I have cousins that I was allowed to talk too, that share stories with me. They told me that my grandmother was a red head. And that she loved me very much. I have strong red highlights in my hair. I still feel, my grandmother’s love won.

Consequently, I did not meet my mom’s father until he was dying and I was in high school. My mom chose to love differently than I did. When my mom died during COVID because her heart gave out, I kissed her casket, before it was lowered in the earth, with my ruby red lipstick. She’s laid to rest near my paternal grandmother she alienated me from.

Love always wins, even in death.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am an over 50 year old, dyslexic. twin mom, survivor of breast cancer, domestic violence, parental alienation, and cptsd. I also identify as an empath. I recently celebrated 2 years living in Portland, Oregon. I moved here after living in Kansas City after living there since I graduated college. Living by the sea, or anywhere, that feels like home, heals. And despite having undiagnosed dyslexia, I have a bachelor of science degree in Family and Environmental Resources. It took me 5 years to get my degree. I did not give up.

I am one of 7 kids. My father was a farmer and a disabled Korean War Navy veteran. My Dad suffered a traumatic brain injury from a vehicle accident when he was home on leave from the Navy. He should have died. My mom graduated nursing school from Barnes Jewish in St Louis as a registered nurse in the 1950’s. My mom was one of my dad’s nurses that took care of him after his vehicle accident. Later, my mom worked in a local nursing home at night as a charge nurse. When my parents turned 40, I was born. I have a younger sibling born two years after me. When I was 10 years old, we lost our family farm during the 80’s farm crisis. My dad was a pig farmer and planted corn and soybean crops. His passion was animals, welding and junk yards. My dad made a flying saucer for a children’s ride, that is still in use at the church he attended growing up. He also made a rocket ride and a ball throw the church still uses.

I left the rural area I was born in and went away to college. I attended college at the first electronic college in the United States in 1990. My dad passed away a year after I graduated college.

Two years after my dad died from a massive heart attack, I got married to a man 13 years older than I am. I became a trophy wife until I woke up to the abuse. He hit me 2 years into the marriage, within a year of buying our first home. A co-worker suggested I stay with him. I forgive her because looking back, she was in a bad relationship too. I divorced him after 10 years of marriage. Then remarried him. The second marriage only lasted 18 months.

I would say I divorced my ex husband twice for the same reason. I did not like the way he loved me. I compared how I was treated a man I met when I was 18. I never fell out of love with him. I just chose someone to marry like my mom. They both loved the same way. It was all I knew until I met this special man when I was 18. I divorced my ex husband twice for the same reason, I was not in love with him, he deserved someone who could love him. The man I met when I was 18 was sensitive, a giver and did not like to hurt people. And he is the smartest man I know. He was the one I let get away and my biggest regret in my life was not marrying him. I never told him about my childhood abuse I was still in denial. Not even my closest friends knew.

Getting back to my marriage with my ex husband, we never lived apart during our separation. He would tell me, we could not afford too. In 2017, I walked into a Unity church, Betty White also belonged to Unity, and was told about the Ho’oponopono. It’s a Hawaiian prayer that has 4 phrases. I love you. Thank you. Please forgive me. I am sorry. I do not say the prayer in any particular order and it still works for me. I started out playing the videos on YouTube. Within two weeks, on Good Friday, I was living in a domestic violence shelter. I spent 4 months in a domestic violence shelter, Hope House in Kansas City to successfully leave my abuser. The average stay in a domestic violence shelter is 30 days. I took all the classes they offered. I wanted to understand how I ended up living in a domestic violence shelter. I started to see the childhood abuse during the classes and realized I married someone who loved like my mom. My employment then was a caregiver for the elderly. They were supportive of what was going on. I got a restraining order on my ex husband. I found my divorce lawyer a couple of days before my restraining order hearing was due. I did not need a lawyer to file the paperwork in the courthouse. With my divorce lawyer leading my divorce, I received joint custody of my twins. Fast forward a couple of years to 2022 when my twins turned 18, I became fully alienated from them. I had just found 6 months before in 2021 I had breast cancer. When I asked my twins why they couldn’t talk to me anymore. They would just tell me. They just kept saying, “they did not a choice.”

Today in 2024, I work in a male dominated industry that requires a hard hat and steel toed shoes. I have a breathtaking view of Mt. Hood from my job in Portland, Oregon. I especially enjoy working with the strong, young, women that are minorities in leadership roles. One of them will even reach out if she notices I am not at work. I see my own grandmother in each of them. Resilience in the purest form, is the trait, all of these women demonstrate on a second by second basis. I am inspired by them.

When I am not working, I write for Uplift Universe magazine. My first article was about my Dad being a disabled veteran and his love for rabbits. I have also wrote about my experience with Toni the Trauma Doula. She is on instagram. Just to name a few. For the November 2024 issue I interviewed a therapist, Julian Bermudez in Portland, Oregon for men’s mental health awareness month. Uplift Universe is an health and wellness online magazine.

I also self publish my own books on Amazon. In addition, I like to teach others how to do it. This is my passion. Everyone has a story that can inspire others to keep going in the biggest moments of adversity.

Currently I am writing my next book about a job I had when I was younger. After I complete it, I will be sharing with others how to do it. Currently on my ticktock I have videos on how I created three journal books to sell on Amazon. I used photos I took with permission from Yankton Holly Farm. I found the place on Hipcamp. The owners put a zip line out for Angel to safety explore her surroundings. The outdoor shower and kitchen are two of many reasons why I go back. The area around it reminds me of my childhood. I have dyslexia and I figured if I could learn how to successfully, self publish, on Amazon, anyone could. You just have to try. I also have a YouTube channel where I have shared my domestic violence story and now the breast cancer journey. I’m currently using mistletoe as a holistic option for a year now. I have two spots on my right breast and I need a bioposy to rule out if the breast cancer is back. I am choosing holistic and alternative treatments instead. Oregon has a lot of treatments that the federal level does not recognize. And it’s not covered under health insurance because it’s considered experimental. I am currently taking a break from healing my inner child. She is two. I read a great book as a requirement for one of the holistic approach treatments I was considering. It’s called “Letting Go” by David R Hawkins M.D. P.H.D. I talk about that treatment I am considering on my YouTube channel.

Throughout all of this I have leaned heavily on my women friends. A wise woman suggested years ago to me, to build those relationships with other women. They will dig you out when you need it. I took her words to heart. It was my women friends from my childhood and college that helped me finally leave my ex husband for good. And when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was my women friends that brought me over food. It was beautiful as my twins watched it. My friends took care of me.

I quit dating after my breast cancer diagnosis. I did try to date. I was even engaged after I divorced my ex husband the second time. The men I date, don’t have the same heart as the guy I met when I was 18. I have emotionally cheated on every man after him by thinking of the guy I met when I was 18. I think emotionally cheating is just as bad as physically cheating. The person you are with is second choice. And who wants to be second choice? I do regret not forgoing dating earlier and focusing on healing my inner child. She had a lot to say once I started working on healing.

In all of this, my biggest supporter has been my friend Rose. She owns Wally’s Pastry Shop in North Kansas City, Missouri. Complete with a breathtaking view of the Kansas City skyline. I met Rose when we were both leaving our marriages. I was living in Hope House, a domestic violence shelter, in Kansas City, Missouri. I asked her if I could sit next to her at a gathering we were at, so I could eat. We have not quit talking since. In August of 2024, I saw Rose on my first trip back to Kansas City, since I moved to Portland, Oregon two years ago. It was an emotional trip. Despite trying, I did not get to see my twins I am alienated from. Rose invited me to her pastry shop and fed me. Isn’t that what friends are for?

Winning to me was taking that photo of her and I, in front of her pastry shop. Rose told me I inspired her. Within 6 years she went from ending a marriage to buying a pastry shop. I think she is being modest.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Looking back over my life, wearing glasses with lenses tainted by being dyslexic, an alienated twin mom, along with a breast cancer diagnosis, I would say, Creativity, motivation and research.

Creativity gave me hope, and motivation is really the refusal to give up, to keep trying everything, to put one foot in front of the other, sometimes you crawl in life, and research is to propel you further. You never quit trying. Do what you fear. That is how you grow and get out of unhealthy situations. Ask the difficult questions to people around you.

My advice to other folks how to best develop these are to daydream. I find the right things come to me if I dream about it. I don’t think we talk about the power of daydreams enough. And we neglect to see how powerful daydreaming really is. I look at my paternal grandmother life and how someone had to dream to overcome such obstacles in her life. My grandfather threatened to disown her if she married my grandfather. She married my grandfather anyway, and she was not disowned. My grandparents had 6 kids together. The youngest is the only one with her red hair. My grandmother was born in the 1800’s and died the week I graduated high school in the early 90’s. I put the wedding photo of my grandparents on the cover of my first self published book. Love always wins.

Do you think it’s better to go all in on our strengths or to try to be more well-rounded by investing effort on improving areas you aren’t as strong in?

I think it’s better to go all in on your strengths. My biggest strength is my refusal to give up when facing adversity.

This is why I feel that way.
I did not find out I had dyslexia until after I left my ex husband the last time. I always knew I had a learning disability, I did not know what it was. I took online free tests to find out. My divorce lawyer was my biggest supporter and believed me. This has a huge impact on my life. Library’s I have found, have the most patience with me and that’s where I get my most help from.

I am also an alienated mom to twins. Two weeks before senior year started in August 2021 my twins presented me with two options. I had always gotten the twins for my full week right before school started. It was in our divorce decree. Option #1: I let them live with my ex husband and his new wife full time. They would still visit me. I would still get my child support for them. Nothing would change except they would not be living with me full time. And I would still see them after they graduated high school. Option 2: I continue to follow the custody agreement in our divorce decree, where I got them 50% of the time. However after they graduate from high school and turned 18, I would not see them anymore. I had to pick. I took my daughters to see our therapist, it was in my divorce degree we go to therapy, and told them no. I would pick the here and now.

A month after I had to choose which option I wanted, in September 2021, I went in for a yearly mammogram. On October 12, 2021 was diagnosed with breast cancer after the mass was removed. It was an elective surgery. The concern was T cells were present and not much is known about them. It was shocking to find out I had breast cancer. I elected not to do the recommended treatment and instead focus on my twins senior year.

In the summer of 2022, before my twins turned 18 they told me they did not have a choice but they could not see me anymore.

I asked for a transfer with my company to the state my daughters told me at Easter 2022, I could have most improved on. I took them on vacation to Oregon/ Washington. When I was trying to leave there dad I lived in a domestic violence shelter for several months. There was a photo of Mt Hood in the cafeteria. I took my daughters to see the Mt. Hood for our family vacation. I could not compete with gifts between my ex husband and I. I took my kids on really nice trips instead right before school started. I bought school clothes on those vacations. This was the trip I could have improved on. The Oregon part of the trip.

Fast forward, two weeks after my daughters turned 18 I was living in Portland, Oregon. I cleaned out my apartment, put the twins stuff in storage as they were not talking to me and got in my car and left. I did not even have a place to move too when I left. I pulled over at a rest stop and found temporary housing for when I got to Portland. I just jumped in holding resolve as my life safer. I did not know anyone in Oregon when I moved here.

After I moved to Portland, Oregon I found a car off road and social group, Lady Yota’s, just for women, there is no dues. The only requirement is that you own a Toyota. You pay for the events they offer, that you want to attend. I just went to there Friendsgiving held at McMenamins at Edgefield. We had a member there from one of the southern states. The ladies have offered to go with me to my radiology appointments. Lady Yota is on Facebook, instagram and ticktock. Plus, they have a website. They sell merchandise where you can buy T-shirts, etc. Lady Yota has been a surprise, strong support system for me that I found.

My strength was my refusal to give up. I did not have time to work on my dyslexia to make my life easier. I do enjoy doing what I fear. It’s all I knew growing up in a turbulent childhood.

I brought my twins cat, Angel with me. My twins did not want her back. Angel and I live in a beautiful apartment on a mountain, with a hot tub, sauna and swimming pool. My ex husband used to tell me I would live in a gutter if I ever left him. I live in a beautiful gutter if this is what he was referring to. I am still at the same employer that got me out here with a transfer. That’s all it took, to change a hurtful situation. I found an employer that had locations across the United States to transfer too. I did a ticktock video in the hot tub over looking the swimming pool, about the peace I found as an alienated parent at my apartment complex. The video received over 110.3K views. Several twin moms reached out to me, thanking me for doing the video. Interesting enough, they were alienated from there twins the same age I was, 18. They too, had a relationship before there twins turned 18. Things were fine until they weren’t.

While I have been here, my kids cat, Angel and I have had a lot of exciting adventures. We have explored Puget Sounds in Washington. In Oregon we have explored -Mt Hood, camping at Yankton Holly Farm in Yankton Oregon, Multnomah Falls, Seaside, Halloween-town in St Helen’s, camping at Beverly State Park in Newport Oregon, just to name a few. I love taking photos. It’s my hobby. Along the way, a poem and photo I took in Seaside, Oregon was published in RECLAIM 2023 It was my first time in print.

Later in 2023, when I was faced with not knowing if my breast cancer had spread to my other breast, I took time off and learned how to self publish books on Amazon. I wrote my own book and self published it. Further testing revealed the breast cancer had not spread. I enjoy teaching others how to get published on Amazon. I started my company to help others navigate thru the process. I offer consulting among other things. I am also a co-contributor writer to Uplift Universe, it’s an online magazine. I share my story on YouTube, tick-tock and Instagram.

And out of moving 2,000 miles to start over, I will say, I found a peace I only daydreamed about by the sea. I was surprised to find it. I never thought I would even feel at peace with things.

Even if your biggest strength is resolve and that’s it, I believe it’s better to go all in. I found, the things I did not know or needed to learn, I learned it. I did not have to master skills. I just had to try.

All you have to do is, try, everything you fear. I’m living proof, you just have to try.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kikki_b_2021/profilecard/?igsh=a2hwcjN6d2c0dG56
• Youtube: @kikkiboinski
• Other: Ticktock :
  kikkib4 Or Kikki Boinski

Image Credits

Lush Lens Photography, LLC