We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kimberly Swaim a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Kimberly, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
As a military child raised by an active duty Marine, resilience was spoken over me from the moment I was born. Military children are resilient. That’s who we are. We move, adapt, change environments and recreate ourselves in each situation to overcome the challenges of living the grief of loss on a consistent basis.
It was not until I became a mom of four military children of my own and we moved to Germany that I felt the lies of this statement of resilience. My children were not resilient, they were broken, and forced to suck it up and move. Move on, move away, move past the hurts and friendships they were mandated to leave behind.
How then do I raise four beautifully strong yet desperately broken and aching children to become resilient in a world that masked them and moved them in the middle of a pandemic and an internal crisis that was threatening to destroy our family?
I fell on my face day after day and asked God to heal me. I studied myself, my patterns, examined my wounds, and scraped off every part of me that wasn’t serving my relationship with myself, my family, or my God. I walked away from family dysfunction, religious hierarchy, a broken church system, and I sat in the quiet and rested from the busyness of my life. I learned about the importance of rest and entered the recovery process of my lost self and soul. I sat long enough that I began to dream again, catch vision, and find a Light in the darkest of places.
And then, I began to write, create, implement, teach and include my children in the process. We learned boundaries together. We implanted them. We communicated deeply. We began to listen, love and grow together…. and seperately. I allowed space for that. I let them have their own beliefs because I realized no one had allowed me to have my own. I gave them space to speak as I tested out my own voice in small safe spaces, then on podcasts, and international broadcasts. I began to be invited to share my visions and hopes on other people’s stages from Europe, to North America and to India.
My kids stood witness to my reliance on God and my resilience from a burnt out life. They were growing and watching as I grew. As I learned to find my voice and use it, they had space to find theirs and use theirs too. My family didn’t fall apart, we clung together. My husband, still active duty in the US Marine Corps, has allowed us all space to find ourselves as he recovers from the traumas of his life and job and finds his true self under the expectations of his uniform.
Resilience has been about the trials, challenges, the fall and failures as much as it has been about the getting back up, brushing yourself off and moving on. But my true resilience came from sitting at a table in Germany, when my life was falling to pieces and I was on the verge of loosing everything I held dear. And meeting a God that was more faithful to me than I could ever be to Him or anyone else. He showed me day by day what resilience looked like and because of Him, I get back up every morning.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am a speaker, author, counselor/coach. In 2019, I founded a 501c3 nonprofit called, The ReAligned Life. My team and I create space for people to rest, reflect and ReAlign to their God-given identity and purpose so they can grow in joy and hope. I have a passion for people (especially my other military spouses) who have been run down by the rapid pace and movement of life.
Retreating is a military term meaning that there is intentionality in pulling back from the battle to reset and come up with a new strategy before going back to the battlefield. I was very familiar with running away from my personal chaos to grab a coffee, pedicure, or even a good gym workout but nothing was changing the way I was dealing with my daily struggles. And the struggles were real.
Our team provides Biblical counseling, online and in-person, workshops, personal and small group retreats (with Biblical counselors on hand), and retreat intensives. Currently we are serving women worldwide and have hosted retreats in the USA, Canada, and Germany. After each retreat there is a support structure for those who desire to stay connected so they don’t go back into their chaos feeling alone. We provide coaching and counseling options here as well.
Our long-term desire is to serve men and women who are working toward emotional and relational health. With divorce rates climbing and mental health in full on crisis, we want to provide a support structure that will promote life-long change. A weekend getaway won’t do that. But combining it with a safe community and mental health professionals who are in your corner praying for you, encouraging you and providing practical tools to take back into your day to day relationships, we believe that healing and longterm change can and will happen.
You can find out more about our mission and movement at TheReAlignedLife.org and KimberlySwaim.com. If you are interested in partnering, attending or hosting a retreat, or volunteering alongside us, we would love for you to connect. We offer scholarships to military wives and are always looking for financial partners to help make Biblical counseling and retreats accessible to those who support and serve our veterans behind the scenes.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I truly believe my faith carried me when I could not carry myself. Spending time with The Creator through time in grounding myself in nature, filling my body with fresh air as my mind wandered and the sunshine filled my vitamin D deficit, and taking time to journal and write letters to the The One who had my heart in mind when I had no one else who understood me. Walking, room to breathe and process, and writing it out… were tools that I still carry with me daily along with an unshakeable resilience because of my faith in the God who saved me when my world betrayed me. When your world is crumbling, and you find yourself face down on the floor, don’t quit. But also, don’t run. Learn how to move in the softer currents of the River of Life by floating, not swimming upstream like so many of us were taught.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
When I am completely overwhelmed with life, I pause. I don’t freeze like a trauma response, but I intentionally pause. I pay attention to my emotions and scan my body for where those emotions are coming from. Emotions are like a smoke detector alarming us that something in our body is out of alignment. So intentionally pausing to pay attention to where my emotions are stemming from and spending some quality time with myself either outside in fresh air (or maybe in a warm epsom salt bath soaking) allows me time to step away from the daily grind and retreat for a moment to my inner sanctuary. Finding a place of peace and calm allows me to unwind and begin to process without the pressure of external influences. Taking intentional pauses, is a great way to begin developing resilience in this chaotic world climate and allow ourselves a safe space to just BE. We are after all human BEings not human doings.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://TheReAlignedLife.org
- Instagram: TheReAlignedLife
- Facebook: KimberlySwaim
- Youtube: TheReAlignedLife
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