Meet Kimra Kai Beechly

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kimra Kai Beechly a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Kimra Kai, thank you for being such a positive, uplifting person. We’ve noticed that so many of the successful folks we’ve had the good fortune of connecting with have high levels of optimism and so we’d love to hear about your optimism and where you think it comes from.

Happiness is a choice. The older I get, the more I recognize just how much I don’t know. At 20 I was certain I knew it all or could figure it out. My 30s humbled me. My 40s arrived bearing gifts of confidence, clarity, and wrinkles. By 50, I’ve realized that the only thing I actually know is that happiness is a choice, at least for me.

As an only child of a deeply troubled family, I wore my anger openly as a protest against the unfairness of it all. It took years, decades actually, for me to grasp my culpability in the hardships around me. Once I leaned into accountability and decided to utilize my past as a tool instead of leaning on it as a crutch, everything changed. It took some time, and I still find myself at my own pity party (table of one) now and again, but for the most part I’ve learned that life is what you make it and optimism is a choice. I have chosen to do my very best, every day and with every interaction, to find happiness.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I spent 25 years as a Cosmetologist mainly as a color specialist. I enjoyed my work in those years and it allowed me the flexibility to raise my two daughters while also paying the bills. I was pleasantly surprised though, that it was my clients over the years that taught me how to overcome some of my most caustic habits and to change my internal dialogue. It’s like having a family of two or three hundred mothers, aunts, grandmothers and uncles to teach me the lessons I didn’t get as a child. Once my daughters got older, I realized that I wanted to pay those lessons forward and acquired a teaching certification. I taught Cosmetology and Esthetics at a local Beauty and Wellness school. I ended up rising through the ranks to land in the administration side of Post-Secondary Private Education. It allows me to make a bigger impact and keep my promise to pay it forward.

These days, I am finally putting all the life lessons from all the beautiful people who sat in my chair into a book. It’s not fair for me to be the only one who got the opportunity to learn from all two or three hundred aunties and uncles. I will always teach, I will always mentor, but as the years tick by, I find those lessons yearning to get out of my heart and onto the page.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Actively working on the quality of being teachable would be first on my list. Though I hear people say this about themselves often, I have known very few who lead by example in this regard. Traditional education is what comes to mind for most of us when we speak of learning, and though it certainly is advantageous in any subject; taking the time to speak to, and learn from every person we meet is, in my opinion, far more valuable.

One cannot be teachable without humility, which is the second my on list. If you believe you have nothing to learn from someone from a different generation, culture, region, economic, academic background or belief system then you have forfeited an opportunity to improve upon, and widen, your world. When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself. There is no shortcut.

Learning to actively listen is my third, and one skill we all need these days for two reasons. Not calculating what to say next, not eagerly waiting for your turn to speak, just listening. It is unnecessary to agree with what someone is saying to listen to them with an open mind and genuine interest. Learning the origin of or reason behind someone’s words can be enlightening and can teach us, if we listen closely, about ourselves in the process. Listening to our own internal dialogue is the other beneficial side of this skill. What are you saying to yourself? Is it upbuilding? Do you mentally speak to yourself in those quiet moments the same way you would speak to your children or loved ones? This is the beginning of a life well lived, at least in my opinion, and I’m still learning.

To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?

This is a hard one, and I’m only just now coming to terms with it. I was raised by a single mother who did the best she could with the tools she had available to her at the time. I was put in unsafe situations with astonishing regularity and predictably disastrous long-term results. What I couldn’t have predicted, were the tools I forged that enabled me to build the woman I am today; hardened by adversity and made to survive and succeed, come what may. As a child my mother taught me to endure.

As we both grew older and gentler, I found our roles slowly reversing. She became the fragile one in need of care, and I the force of nature to be reckoned with, the way I saw her as a child. I began to realize that she was a woman and a human, fallible like the rest of us. I began to understand that you won’t always get apology, or even accountability from those who may have caused pain. I also understood that you can be whole and complete without it, and that forgiveness is for your peace, not for anyone else’s. As a woman my mother taught me acceptance and forgiveness.

When she died, unexpectedly, I learned that time is short and we always think we have more of it than we do. Have the conversation, make the call, bury the hatchet, and forgive because we get this one chance and it shouldn’t be wasted. When it’s gone, it’s gone. With her death my mother taught me to live, and teaches me still, it’s a lesson I am still learning. I hope my children find patience and forgiveness for my fallibility as well, and I hope we all keep building and passing on a more complete tool set to each generation after.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimrakai/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KimraKai
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimra-beechly-b98b4812/