We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kristen Kubik a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Kristen, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?
I have vibrant, rainbow hair, and I’m covered in tattoos. I’m used to being the “art” in the room, so to speak. The key for me to feeling like I am effective in a room, especially when I am the only one who looks like me, has been to be so rooted in my knowledge and myself that it didn’t matter what other people really thought. The confidence piece is everything. When you cower, people take advantage of that.
Back in 2017, I was in the middle of my extremely messy divorce and I was shy as a bug. It was so easy for me to be talked over, cut off, or even taken advantage of in a conversation – even if I was around a topic I knew a good deal about. My separation and divorce had broken and beaten me down so much that I didn’t trust myself in what I was saying. It took years to build that back up.
I would play a game with myself every day. I called it my intuition test. Every day, I’d ask myself questions out loud about my day: Did I want to wash my hair? What shirt did I want to wear? What did I want for lunch? And in doing so, I’d go with the first answer. No takebacksies! I did this for months. I even still do this if I feel like I’m shaky in my confidence. It built my self-trust in my decision making; and self-trust in my decision making led me to holding conversations with more confidence; and confidence in conversations made it easier to walk into any room and know I was able to stand with anyone, whether they were smarter than me or not… more money than me or not, and connect with them in an effective way.
It’s funny now, because I often forget that I look the way I do, with my rainbow hair and a giant Darth Vader on my left hand. The conversations I hold and the knowledge I have aren’t diluted by those aspects anymore, because I don’t allow them to be. It’s a choice on my end, and while I know I have the privilege to say that, it’s an exciting thing to finally be able to say.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
You’ll find Kristen notoriously hanging out on Instagram or Threads @kristenunfiltered. Their podcast, As Told Unfiltered, is also making a comeback in 2024 to focus on creating conversations around releasing the Pinterest-perfect look of business.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Desire to learn, Resilience, and Empathy.
I think the desire to learn is a must-have for a journey of growth. There are times where it’s hard, and there are times where you want to stop; but continuous learning and deconditioning has been what has been a massive page-turner for me in terms of where I was and where I am now.
And as much as I hate the word, resilience is another must-have. I hate the word simply because it’s overused. I think it’s become a buzzword; but I also think it really is necessary for growth. I like to refer to it more as a “refuse to lose” mentality. It’s so easy to say that someone can get back up when they’re knocked down, but in reality it’s very hard. There are times when it’s so hard to want to get out of bed after you’ve been knocked down to rock bottom – if you even have a bed to get out of. And, I think it was times like that where I stopped allowing losing to be an option.
Last, I think empathy is a necessity. You cannot grow and go on an impactful journey without empathy.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
My mom was a single mom for most of my life, and she did so many impactful things for me before she died in 2020. I think the most impactful thing she did for me is exposing me to different people, cultures, lifestyles, and walks of life. I always talk to people about how she never gave us a lot of physical gifts. Instead, she gave us experiences. We traveled a lot around the country. My high school graduation present was even a trip to a location of my choice within the States or a cruise, and I chose to go to LA because I had never been to the West Coast. I was always trying different foods, seeing different cultures, and she made sure I recognized where I came from and that even with my struggles, I still had more privileges than others. And it’s made it much easier for me to do the work I do in marketing to decolonize a lot of the practices that I’ve seen over the years.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.kristenunfiltered.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/kristenunfiltered
- Other: TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@kristenunfiltered
