Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kristine Claghorn Harrison. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Kristine, so great to have you on the platform and excited to have you share your wisdom with our community today. Communication skills often play a powerful role in our ability to be effective and so we’d love to hear about how you developed your communication skills.
I’ve cultivated my ability to communicate effectively through a deliberate journey of learning the practice of compassion and nonviolent communication. In 2020, I decided to make the transition from working in the ad agency and startup space to focusing on education and tools to help others live more impactful, compassionate lives. During a yearlong course through Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE), I became a certified educator and facilitator of compassion. Through this Applied Compassion Training, I created an e-book titled Taking Compassionate Action: A Compassionate Guide to Navigating Burnout, Imposter Syndrome, and Difficult Conversations to Further Resilience, Take Action and Create Positive Change. Since then, I’ve continued my research in the field and taken further courses in Nonviolent Communication and mindfulness. My main area of interest is on alleviating suffering through compassion and communication skills. When I’m not working on my own workshops and coaching, I am the Head of Creative Partnerships at the Global Compassion Coalition, a nonprofit whose vision is to put compassion at the heart of society by developing new approaches to education, climate policy, economics, and politics by advocating for solutions to global suffering. I am also a Communications Specialist at Stanford University CCARE, where I get to work with inspiring individuals who are dedicated to spreading compassion in their areas of the world.
When it comes to communication, one foundational element I’ve learned is to lead with intention. Going into a conversation with a clear intention helps us practice the essential skills of listening with curiosity, caring about the other person’s needs beneath their words, creating an intimate connection, and sharing the conversation as a collaboration. It can also keep us connected to our own needs and help us remain calm during conflict. One intention I use often is to enter into a conversation with the goal of understanding instead of being right.
Here are some values I like to tie into my intention when entering into conversations:
connection
understanding
patience
care
kindness
presence
compassion
empathy
common humanity
It’s also important to stay anchored in the body. A good rule of thumb mentioned in Kelly McGonigal’s Science of Compassion is to practice placing 95% of our attention on the other person while keeping 5% of the attention on our own body. Anchoring our attention in the body helps us distinguish the self from the other and keeps us in the present moment. I like to keep a small amount of attention on feeling my hands in my lap or my feet on the floor. Sometimes it’s also helpful to hold that awareness in your breathing. Especially during conflict, we tend to hold our breath.
I also remind myself that it’s ok to pause. Silence can be helpful! It’s better to take a moment to think through a response than rush through a conversation. Slowing down our pace gives the brain time to make sure we choose our words wisely (and can also ensure our response relates back to our intention). Pausing can give us just enough time to take a deep breath and collect our thoughts.
Another way to ensure you don’t rush through a conversation is to reflect what you’ve heard before responding. I’ve been surprised by this – sometimes, when I reflect back to who I’m speaking to about what I’ve heard, I haven’t recognized the needs behind their words correctly. I’ve learned how helpful it is for people to feel truly heard and understood, and reflecting is a small step that can be taken to allow them the space to help make sure we’re on the same page.
One of the most helpful communication skills I’ve learned is receiving instead of giving advice. If you, like me, ever notice yourself focusing on your response or a solution while someone else is speaking, you’ll find this tip helpful. Most of the time, people aren’t seeking out solutions or advice. They simply want to feel heard, seen, and understood. I like to reflect what I’ve heard back to the speaker to make sure I understand, and then ask, “Are you looking for comfort or solutions?” or “Are you open to hearing my thoughts?” Imposing your own ideas about what someone should do or feel can result in feeling unheard and misunderstood, no matter how good your intentions may be. The most valuable thing you can offer someone is a listening ear.
Lastly, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is to have boundaries and know my limits. Although compassionate communication is a helpful skill, it’s essential to understand that there are instances when conversations can be unsafe places. Dealing with someone who does not respect us or our boundaries, shows signs of prejudice, has violent or dangerous tendencies, or is simply unwilling to listen, are all examples of when it’s ok to put personal safety and well-being first. Conflict can be positive (and healthy), and when you keep that 5% of attention on your own body, you’ll start to know when a conversation is unsafe before things get out of hand. This practice of mindfulness may actually give you the space to pay attention to your own needs, letting you know when to leave a situation that is not helpful.
Overall, this journey has been about honing not just communication skills but also embodying values of compassion, mindfulness, and common humanity. It’s a continuous practice, one that involves self-awareness, empathy, and a commitment to understanding and creating meaningful connections. I’ve created workshops on compassionate communication, have facilitated conversations around conflict with others, and have begun coaching individuals on improving their relationships (with themselves and others) with skills like these.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
My name is Kristine Claghorn, and I’m a certified educator of compassion and mindfulness through Stanford University CCARE’s Applied Compassion Training program. I’m currently the Head of Creative Partnerships at the Global Compassion Coalition, and a Marketing Communications Specialist at CCARE Stanford University’s Applied Compassion Training.
I have worked on several guides on the topic of compassion, communication, and mindfulness and wrote an e-book called “Taking Compassionate Action: A Compassionate Guide to Navigating Burnout, Imposter Syndrome, and Difficult Conversations to Further Resilience, Take Action, and Create Positive Change,” which includes 12+ recorded practices and meditations. I am currently working on a couple of workshops, one on the topic of moving through burnout and another on communication, conflict, and combatting polarization. I’m also taking on coaching clients and regularly host compassion practices online (and hopefully in person soon).
I’m also a creative producer passionate about identifying creative opportunities that help individuals and brands tell their stories. As a producer for a marketing agency based in Los Angeles, I worked with a range of brands and entertainment clients — Disney, Diet Coke, and Hubert’s Lemonade — to create thumb-stopping photo and video content for audiences on social.
I’ve pivoted my marketing skill set to focus on education and tools to help others live more impactful, compassionate lives back in 2020. I spend much of my time reading the science and data within the field of compassion/mindfulness/non-violent communication, and I use this knowledge to translate the data into content that is accessible to all. I’m currently working on content and marketing for the podcast Being Well with Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson, and I have a substack where I share some of my research.
Outside of my career, I’m an avid thrifter and have had a lot of fun sharing my thrift finds on TikTok. I love to get out of the house with my husband and my dog Hazel for hikes near our neighborhood in East Los Angeles.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I think the three qualities and skills that were most impactful in my journey involved:
– an excitement and enthusiasm to learn and an openness to having my mind changed
– compassion, which by definition is a state of concern for the suffering or unmet need of the self or another, coupled with the desire and commitment to help alleviate that suffering.
– the desire to connect with and understand the stories of others
Early on in my journey, I wish I would have had the skills to practice mindfulness, and really feel what was going on in my body and my emotions without judgment. Once we move into judgment of ourselves, it can lessen our motivation and excitement. It can lead to imposter syndrome and self-criticism. I recommend learning about self-compassion, which involves three things: self-kindness (being caring and understanding with oneself rather than harshly judgmental. Instead of attacking or berating oneself for personal shortcomings, the self is offered warmth and unconditional acceptance), common humanity (recognizing that humans are imperfect, that all people fail, make mistakes, and have serious life challenges. By remembering that imperfection is part of life, we feel less isolated when we are in pain), and mindfulness (in the context of self-compassion involves being aware of one’s painful experiences in a balanced way that neither ignores and avoids nor exaggerates painful thoughts and emotions).
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
A few books that have played an important role in my development in both my career and personal life:
1. Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication by Oren Jay Sofer — This was my first experience with non-violent communication, and it’s drastically changed the way I communicate. He also has a 12-week course that accompanies the book, which I highly recommend.
2. Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World by Marshall B. Rosenberg – Marshall Rosenberg is the founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and his books on the topic are worthwhile for anyone who is interested in improving their communication and how they interact with themselves and others. This book in particular, exemplifies the needs beneath our words, even in high-conflict situations. If you’re interested in non-violent communication, I would recommend starting with his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships.
3. A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives by Thupten Jinpa – This is a wonderful introduction to the history and importance of compassion training. It was written by Thupten Jinpa, translator of the Dalai Lama and creator of the Compassion Cultivation Training at Stanford University.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.claggie.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/claggie
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristine-claghorn-8328b28b/
- Other: Free Ebook: https://www.claggie.com/ebook/taking-compassionate-action Substack: https://claggie.substack.com/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@claggie
Image Credits
1st photo: Mark Harrison
