Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kyle Merker. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Kyle, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
Confidence. It alluded me most of my childhood, and I really didn’t acquire it until I was a young adult. But when I eventually found my footing, my confidence became the launching point for everything I’ve ever accomplished.
My father was tough, there was absolutely nothing anyone could do that was good enough. If you got an “A”, it was dismissed as not an “A+”. If you got an “A+”, you didn’t get all “A+’s”. I sang in the choir (no longer) and I sang in the shower (still do) and he once told me that I could not sing. I believed him–which is ridiculous, everyone can sing. Some just sing better than others. He made me doubt myself and squashed anything resembling joy like a bug. All three kids, and probably my mother, factored my father’s sour reaction into everything we did. You’d clean your room, it wasn’t clean enough. You’d get a science fair ribbon, but it wasn’t first place. He was mean, and we were afraid of him.
And when nothing is good enough, eventually you just stop trying. What’s the point?
It didn’t help that he was a racist antisemite homophobic bigot. So as a gay kid I was petrified. Many gay kids don’t have actual childhoods because they have to hide who they are throughout their youth. They only strive to be the kid that they think the world wants them to be. For me, multiply that shame by 10. Or 100. Or 1,000. Whatever you’d like–my confidence was close to zero.
I never knew I was smart. No one told me. When I graduated high-school, I had no sights set on college. And no one seemed upset. My parents didn’t say boo–it was just the way it was. Teachers? Didn’t notice–I think they assumed I’d be going to college so they didn’t ask. I graduated high school and got a job. Done. Destined to wait tables and bartend until I died.
It didn’t bother me either, had a notion that I wanted to be an actor, and did manage to take a few classes at some very good schools. I even landed a few auditions. But with no direction, and no idea how to succeed, it fizzled out.
I worked at a series of small restaurants in Manhattan, and after they folded one by one, I thought I should try and get a job in a big hotel. I’d make more money, have better job security and I’d have benefits. I had no idea that those “good” jobs rarely turn-over, some of these guys had been in the job 50 years. That was my goal, to get a job I could live in forever. So–I started applying to hotels.
No luck with foodservice jobs, but I landed a job as a restaurant cashier at The Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. OK, it wasn’t really a steady job, it was a 2 month gig covering for the other cashiers while they took summer vacation. As luck would have it, that summer the hotel was rolling out something shockingly new–computerized cash registers. No more punching numbers and hand cranking a lever to print on the check–everything was now going to be electronic.
I was young, I picked it up in no time, but the other workers had some real trouble. They didn’t understand it, and they were too proud and intimidated in the training sessions to admit it. So they came to me. Wherever I was working that whole summer, the other cashiers would come to me on their break and I would teach them. Some of them were close to having a nervous breakdown over it. They had done the task manually for 40 or 50 years and they were afraid of change. In my own way, I showed them not to be afraid, and was able to train them without them getting flustered. I was just a kid so I wasn’t threatening to them. I always like helping people out whenever I can. To me it was fun and helped break the monotony of cashiering.
It ever occurred to me that hotel management was paying attention. Word got around with the employees that I could help them, but word got around management that I was some sort of hot-shot whiz-kid that seemed to appear out of thin air. They offered me a job in management. Assistant Manager in a hotel offshoot of accounting called Cost Control. I had no idea what that was or meant, but I said yes. I had nothing to lose.
And I was good. I was real good. And when the manager left, they offered me his spot. No education, no experience, no background. But again, I was good.
A new Food and Beverage Director came in and really let me fly. There was nothing he asked that I could not figure out. There was no project to daunting or report that he wanted that I couldn’t handle. I made him look good, and he always gave credit to me. He believed in me, so I really started to believe in myself.
I finally realized something that I never knew: I was smarter that most of the people around me. Not better, but quick on my feet and articulate. I never knew that. I had always thought the opposite.
I soared. And the harder I worked, the more I accomplished. And the more I accomplished, the more I would shine. Management noticed–and I was given several promotions.
There I am doing well, working my way up and succeeding in a way I had never imagined or planned. I had a shot at the brass ring. But I also had a real dilemma. Most young managers came from Cornell University and spent a year in a Management Training Program. But I got into management through the back door. Sure–one on one I could compete, but on paper not so much. Imposter Syndrome was starting to sneak up on me. There was only one solution I could think of: I needed a degree.
I had an assistant in one of my jobs at The Plaza who always said: To achieve, you must sacrifice. And it’s true. No reward without risk. So I quit and went to college. NYU. Accounting. I knew I’d be good at it–I was already doing it. And I knew the value of the information it could provide.
I had a great career. And the confidence I gained never left me. I’ve done some great things, and it was all because of the confidence I took with me from The Plaza Hotel. I worked for a major public accounting firm (hint: it disintegrated in the Enron scandal) which led me to a few very nice positions in finance. Took some time off to write a travel book, had my own consulting business for awhile (consulting is 99% confidence), sat on a few boards, I even chaired a Manhattan Community Board for 5 years, had some magazine articles published that I wrote in my spare time, and chaired the board of The Ali Forney Center, a non-profit that houses and nurtures homeless gay kids (Usually either run away from a dangerous home or thrown out of their homes for being honest with their parents about their sexuality–it easily could have been me). I even joined the my local volunteer fire department which I have been on for 30 years. This year I became Chief. My confidence has served me well.
I was a scared little gay kid who’s only goal was to avoid his father, afraid of his own shadow. One job introduced me to a world of possibilities. I was able to retire at 52. Of course I immediately got bored. Once I ran out of things to fix and paint in my house I knew I was in trouble, so I took it full-circle: I became an actor. Not that I’m wildly successful–yet–but I’ve done pretty well. 30 commercials (2 national), several stage plays, countless movies–mostly shorts but some features, and a good number television appearances. This past year I even made it onto Law and Order SVU. Life is good.
Here is the kick–the acting story is the same story as The Plaza. I lucked into my first acting job and it was successful. I got cast in increasingly better parts after that. But I knew that as I grew, my competition would have training. And Imposter Syndrome was starting to breath down my neck. So I took care of it. I went back to school, acting school. A two year Misner program. I still take classes. I love it.
Nothing can stop me.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
My website lays out my acting journey best: Kyle is a true native New Yorker–he grew up in Queens, went to High School in The Bronx, lived most of his adult life in Manhattan and worked for many years in Brooklyn. He considers the “Staten Island” box to be checked since he drives through it often (he is lucky enough to have a home in Philadelphia and another in Water Island, New York).
Kyle wanted to be an actor at a young age and enrolled in HB Studios when he was 18 years old, but life has a funny way of derailing youthful dreams. He ended up working in the corporate world after earning an Accounting Degree at NYU. He climbed the corporate ladder like a little monkey and retired at 52. After a year of travel and painting things in his house, he decided to update his dusty-old headshots and, finally, pound the pavement.
Kyle’s first on-camera audition was for an Ancestry.com commercial which he not only booked, but the commercial was so effective it ran over 22,000 times nationally and they brought him back for three more spots. Similarly, the first television show he auditioned for, Pandora’s Box on Investigation Discovery, was also a home-run–he booked the lead. While he realized that this early successful trend couldn’t continue, he knew he was once again bitten by the acting bug.
Always pushing himself to be better, he understood the need for formal training and enrolled in a 2-year Meisner Program with Studio 4 in New York City. He also studied at Michael Warner Studios in New York, took improv at The Upright Citizens Brigade, workshopped with The Lantern Theater, studied commercial acting at Weist Barron, studied Practical Aesthetics with the Atlantic Theater School and took (and still takes) commercial improv with Stacy Gallo. Currently, Kyle is continuing to study acting with Ronnie Marmo in his popular “Stop F*cking Acting” classes.
Kyle has six feature and over 30 short films under his belt, along with television roles on Showtime, NBC, Amazon Prime, The History Channel, A&E, Investigation Discovery, Animal Planet, the Travel Channel and Lifetime. He appeared in numerous television and social media commercials for national brands like Ancestry, FTD, Harvard University, Merck, DeLonghi, Peter Manning NYC, Canon, 1-800-Flowers and Accuweather. He has appeared on stage in the Long Island City Short Play Festival (Finalist), the Samuel French Short Play Festival (Finalist), and the Winterfest Theater Festival where he killed it in the play Cold Porridge, currently in pre-production as a feature film.
He models, both fashion and lifestyle, and has appeared in ads for Peter Manning NYC, Walmart, Narcan, Ancestry and Quest Diagnostics, to name a few.
In his spare time, Kyle has served 30 years as a volunteer firefighter and is currently the Chief in the Fire Island Pines Fire Department. He likes to write, travel, cook, eat and sleep. He keeps active in Cross Fit and Solid Core, plays the Ukulele badly and speaks just enough Japanese to get into trouble, but not enough to get out of it.
You can learn more about him at www.kylemerker.com, and follow him on instagram @kylemerker
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I honestly believe there are only two decisions you can make that you cannot reverse: To give life or to take it. Anything else is changeable. It may not be easy, but you can do it. Once you realize this, you won’t be afraid to make a choice or take a chance.
Your word should be your honor. If you say I will do something, do it. Never lie. Lies are poison. And all lies are unnecessary.
Help other people. I got my first agent because I was nice to someone on a train. I got another because I went out of my way and gave an actor a ride home when they were stuck. Make a change in the world by volunteering. Do it just to do it, but the rewards are invaluable. Remember, it doesn’t cost anything to be nice. I’ve had a lot of help along the way only because people wanted to help me after I unconditionally helped them.
Moisturize and drink plenty of water.
If you knew you only had a decade of life left, how would you spend that decade?
The biggest challenge I’m facing right now is time. It’s hard to balance marriage, a dog, an acting career and a firefighting career. Acting is more than showing up at an audition, there are classes to take, casting sites to keep updated, headshots to schedule, lines to memorize, auditions to tape, haircuts to get, workouts to do, people to meet and rejection to reconcile. A casting can happen at a moments notice, putting on hold anything else you need to do. Firefighting is time consuming, too, and now that I am Chief it is even more so. Plus the alarm can go off at any time, pulling me away from what I’m doing without any idea when I’ll return. My two homes both need attention and the dog needs to be walked. Friends want to see me and so does family. To-do lists are my friend and my mortal enemy–a necessary evil that keeps me afloat. Gnawing at me is the fact I’m 62–so how much time do I have left? 20 years? What do I want that time to be–it keeps me awake. But I know that I’m lucky, very lucky , in that I have a choice in what those years will look like.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.kylemerker.com
- Instagram: @kylemerker
- Other: IMDB www.imdb.me/kylemerker
Image Credits
Jeffery Hornstein Jeff Cohn Peter Manning NYC
