Meet Lafaya Mitchell

 

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Lafaya Mitchell. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Lafaya below.

Hi Lafaya, so excited to talk about all sorts of important topics with you today. The first one we want to jump into is about being the only one in the room – for some that’s being the only person of color or the only non-native English speaker or the only non-MBA, etc Can you talk to us about how you have managed to be successful even when you were the only one in the room that looked like you?

Being the only person in the room that looks like me has been an on-going theme for a majority of my life.
I got my start early as the only teen mother in all of my high school classrooms when I found myself pregnant at 16 years of age. During graduate school I was the only black person in all of my Masters-level classes. When I was promoted to work as a training coordinator for the Sutter Hospital Women and Childrens’ program, I was the only black person and the only person under the age of 30 years old. There have been many other environments in which I have found myself the only me in the room, but the most pronounced experience I have had with this phenomenon has taken place once I decided to play professional-level poker.

At the poker table, I am very often the only woman at the table, and most definitely the only black woman in the entire tournament more than 95% of the time. This experience has carried with it many struggles, including strong bouts with “imposter syndrome,” feeling singled out and victimized; sometimes even having to endure hostile verbal assaults, and a general “you are not welcome here” vibe from quite a few of the wonderful poker community folk.

One of the things that has assisted me throughout my lifetime has been my remarkable resilience. I come from an extremely traumatic background and have been blessed to take a path many from my background are not able to take. No matter what I went through as a child (i.e. sleepless nights, drugged out parents, molest, witnessing domestic abuse, neglect, hunger, homelessness) I would always make sure to get to school and never let any of life’s circumstances effect my grades. My grades felt like the only thing I could control, so I made sure I controlled them well. I didn’t even use being pregnant as an excuse to miss days of school, luckily giving birth to my son during summer break.

I have always refused to give up. I’ve always believed that there was something better waiting for me. My family was very poor, so getting support for college was impossible. Being a single mom, poor, carless, and told college was a waste of time did not deter me. Each obstacle only made me more determined. I found a graveyard shift job, caught the bus everywhere I needed to go (using the lengthy waiit times on the bus to get all of my homework done), and still had time to get my very young son to his Tiny Tots Basketball games and Community Baseball league, and bowling lessons.

Overcoming obstacles has been something I have had to do from a very young age. I have always used a little stubborn anger and refusal to let circumstances get the best of me as my fuel. Overcoming the adversity connected to being one of the very few black women playing professional circuit poker and the ONLY black female therapist with 6 children (3 adopted children all ages 7 and under) you are likely to find at any poker table is just a matter of will. I have a will of steel.

My strong will has pushed me into the unchartered territory of venturing to become the female mental game ambassador of the poker world. My journey has brought me to a place where I will use the 4-Step method I created years ago to help hypersensitive people on the Autism Spectrum manage emotional dysregulation to merge my two worlds of poker and mental health. Again stepping into unchartered territory for a person that looks like me. My new book, “Poker A Woman’s Game” is my first step in doing just that.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am extremely invested in bringing light to the parallels between lessons you can learn in poker that apply to real life and changing the face of the most potentially diverse sport of professional poker. The main tagline in my book is, “as in poker, so in life;” my second go to tagline is “play the hand you’re dealt in poker and in life masterfully.” Battling T.I.L.T (Temporary Interruption in Logical Thinking) in poker and life is a necessity for success. It is my mission to promote an “I can do it too!” attitude for others out there, no matter what the obstacles are in front of them.
I am currently most EXCITED about my new book, “Poker: A Woman’s Game; The Rantings of a Black Female Therapist by Day Poker Player by Night.” I’ve published 3 other books from “The Lafaya Way” parenting book series several years ago. Those books contained good information for parents but did not give the readers a real glimpse into who I truly am. “Poker: A Woman’s Game” is a fun, no-holds-barred project in which the readers truly get a sense of the true me. It truly feels like my life’s purpose is discovered in this book and I am confident that it will change many lives for the better.
I am hoping my new book will also spark interest in a creative television show I envision myself having called “The Lafaya Way Poker Show.” I already have a website (lafayawaypoker.com) that shares my show idea, the premise behind it, and a sneak peak into the first 3 trial episodes we recorded a few years back (before I took my young nieces (at the time ages 1, 3, and 4 years into my custody).
My brand The Lafaya Way, created to calm the effects of “Red Alert Brain” is behind everything I do (Parent and Organizational Trainings/Workshops, Poker TILT prevention counseling, my private practice and volunteer work to lessen the effects of Intergenerational Trauma with non-profit organizations).

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

1. Intimately personal knowledge of what being hypersensitive (more likely to be impacted by red alert brain) feels like. (an ability to TRULY be able to put myself into the shoes of a person struggling with emotional regulation issues.

2. A unique ability to have breakthrough with people from a vast variety of sexes, races, ages, etc. Most people can connect with what I am saying regardless of the barriers inherent to heritage.

3. I can’t, don’t, and won’t give up on what I believe in. I will make what others think can’t work, work. If others don’t want me in the place I am trying to be, it only makes me work harder to get there.

My advice to someone early in their journey is to never give up on their dreams, recognize the positivity in having made a “mistake” because now they’ve eliminated yet another thing that doesn’t quite work which helps them put their energy and focus into finding what does work. Last, but not least, search for the win in everything; we tend to find and focus on what we’re looking for.

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

I am definitely looking for people to collaborate with.
I have been told that my newest book sounds like a great Lifetime or Tyler Perry movie. I would love to connect with someone who wants to turn my exceptionally interesting life story into a movie.
I would also like to connect with members of groups like PokerStars, PokerGo, World Poker Tour, GGPoker, World Series of Poker, Poker Power, etc. who are interested in taking on a female mental game ambassador. I strongly desire to support organizations looking to empower more women to see the benefits they can bring to the game of poker.

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