Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Laura Hoy. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Laura , thank you so much for joining us and opening up about the very personal topic of divorce. So many in the community are going through or have gone through divorce and we think hearing about how others dealt with the aftermath and managed to build a vibrant, successful life and career despite the trauma of divorce can be helpful to many who might be feeling a degree of hopelessness. So, maybe you can talk to us about how you overcame divorce?
In 2017, our family moved off an acreage into an old home we had renovated in the community, our twins flew from the nest to college, and my marriage of 30 years ended. I went from an active, busy life with a family of four, to my cat and I staring at one another in an empty home.
Over the past 7 years, I experienced a lot of grief, but the “life quake” of divorce created opportunities for new self-awareness and growth that would not have occurred without this painful loss.
Two things that helped me in the first few years? 1) Somatic practices that helped me move grief through my body. I started walking and connecting more to my body and the earth. 2) Travel came back into my life. I look back over my adult years, and I can see that I was a workaholic whose playfulness and spontaneity was pushed aside by to-do lists and work life. My therapist asked me what I might enjoy doing as I considered moving forward, and I told her that I would like to travel again.
Somatic practices and travel came together when I walked my first pilgrimage in Spain in 2019, walking 100 miles of the Camino de Santiago. I was hooked. In fact, I came home and started Travel Wholehearted, a business that sells travel with a niche in small group adventure travel and wellness. My daughter, Sara, has been working alongside of me to help me market my business, and she and I are leading our first featured group trip back to Spain in September 2024 to walk the Camino Finisterre with 9 participants.
Another lifechanging tool for me through divorce has been the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a personality typing system that helps people grow in greater compassion and understanding for oneself and others. Through Enneagram work, I woke up to a lot of my blind spots and patterns that were running on automatic in my life. I began to see, understand, and accept myself more wholly, and this tool has been an important source of healing and growth for me. Because of that, I am certifying to become an Enneagram teacher and coach through another arm of business called The Wholehearted Journey.
My hope is to link our inner journey work with global journeys. Sometimes, we need to get away from routines and ruts and experience some place new that can open our eyes and hearts in transformative ways. I am hopeful that my work with small group adventure travel and Enneagram work will intersect…maybe there will be some Enneagram international retreats planned in the future!
Author and speaker Brene Brown writes that grief is a combination of loss, longing, and feeling lost. For those of you who are going through the grief of divorce, I encourage you to feel all your feelings and to create a menu of practices that help you move through the grief one step at a time. Right foot, left foot, friends.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
By vocation, I spent a great deal of my adult life in community engagement and holistic neighborhood development. After divorce, I hit a wall, and I recognized burnout at the root. In the midst of so much change in my family, I also recognized I needed change within my work. While I still live in the neighborhood in which I’ve been working, I have ventured out as a travel agent, I do some coaching and consulting in community and leadership development, and I’m soon to be certified in the Enneagram.
At almost 59 years old, it can be both overwhelming to start something new, but it can also be exciting to imagine and to step boldly ahead into the future. Rather than thinking about “winding down” in life, there is a sense of intrigue and adventure by taking on new endeavors.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Three areas of learning and practice for me on this journey of healing and moving forward:
1) Somatic practice has been critically important. Walking, dancing, breath work, gardening, painting, kayaking. Becoming mindful of what I am feeling in my body and learning to regulate my nervous system has been a key skill I’ve been learning.
2) Gaining greater awareness, compassion, and acceptance of myself has been a needed and important journey. The Enneagram has been a powerful tool for this work.
3) Giving myself permission for laughter, fun, and leisure has been a part of this journey. Travel has been a vehicle for more playfulness in my life, but even at home, I prioritize time to lighten up and live more presently and wholeheartedly.
What would you advise – going all in on your strengths or investing on areas where you aren’t as strong to be more well-rounded?
I believe that people leaning into and offering their strengths, gifts, and passions for good is FIRE. That being said, I am a firm believer that we need, individually and collectively, to confront our ego/shadow if we are to become healthier individuals and communities.
We all have blind spots, and left unaddressed, these weaknesses can perpetuate patterns that keep us stuck, both as individuals and communities. Becoming aware of these blind spots and bringing compassionate attention to them can help us remove barriers and open us to realizing more of our potential as humans as we seek individual and collective good.
Contact Info:
- Website:travelwholehearted.com thewholeheartedjourney.org
- Instagram: @travelwholehearted @the_wholehearted_journey
- Facebook: facebook.com/travelwholehearted facebook.com/thewholeheartedjourney
Image Credits
Sara Hoy
