We recently connected with Laura Walton and have shared our conversation below.
Laura, so good to have you with us today. We’ve got so much planned, so let’s jump right into it. We live in such a diverse world, and in many ways the world is getting better and more understanding but it’s far from perfect. There are so many times where folks find themselves in rooms or situations where they are the only ones that look like them – that might mean being the only woman of color in the room or the only person who grew up in a certain environment etc. Can you talk to us about how you’ve managed to thrive even in situations where you were the only one in the room?
I like to talk about death. And honestly, I have found that the ability to look at death actually makes life better – more beautiful, more valuable, more real. Professionally, talking about death is a big part of the work I do, but personally, I am also intrigued by and so interested in the topic. And I know that’s pretty rare- most people tend to avoid the topic of death at all costs.
I see that overall tendency towards death avoidance as part of the way that I have been successful in my work. When it happens to you – when one of the people you love most in all the world dies- you would do almost anything to talk about it. In some way, in some form, we need to talk about death, our person, and the loss, in order to attempt to make sense of something so non-sensical. But – we live in a world that doesn’t like to talk about death, and that actually often pathologizes death and grief. And so that often makes me feel like the odd man out. And I think it often makes people who are grieving feel like the odd man out.
So my openness, my willingness, my curiosity, and my deep compassion around the topic of death gives others a space to talk, to feel, to question, and to be with the topic of death. I aim to provide a needed space that is sorely lacking in our world.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Well, as a kid, I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. For my first 20ish years of life, I kind of floated around aimlessly – working in restaurants and retail (I worked at Lululemon in the early 2000s – when there were only two stores in the US!).
One morning, when I was 21, I woke up to my mom calling me to tell me that my dad had died. He had committed suicide. It was shocking, yet not surprising. He had struggled with mental health challenges for at least as long as I’d been around, and he had talked about suicide before. I dealt with this by running away and avoiding – I moved out of state, moved in with my long-distance boyfriend, and proceeded on with my life without truly acknowledging the loss and its meaning to me.
A few years later, I finally finished college, after changing my major about 6 times, with a BA in Art History (still haven’t used that one), and went about my life as a waitress. Five years later, I woke up to another phone call. This one was more shocking, and, for me, more devastating. My on-again/off-again boyfriend and best friend in the whole world had died of a heroin overdose. My world collapsed at that moment. He was my everything. He was my person. Our relationship was complicated, but we knew each other in a way that I knew no one else. To say I was devastated was an understatement.
I truly believed there was absolutely no way I could continue to live in a world without him.
In the months and years that followed, I sought out all different kinds of support. I tried many different therapists, but really struggled to find a therapist who I felt wasn’t trying to “fix” me. It felt as if my grief was problematic to others, as if it was something that made people uncomfortable and that they wanted to fix or shut down. I didn’t know much at the time, but I knew that this did not feel right. I thought that we must be able to do better to support the brokenhearted, and I decided that, one day, I would try to do that.
Fast forward to 2012. When I graduated from grad school, I spent many years working as a therapist with some very traumatized populations – families involved with DCS, teens on juvenile probation, and incarcerated men and women. I learned a thing or two about trauma. Through this work and my continued education studies, I became fascinated with trauma, in particular the lesser-known childhood developmental or relational trauma. I uncovered and healed from many of my own childhood traumas, of which I had previously had no awareness. If you had asked me 20 years ago if I had experienced trauma, I would have said no. Now, it’s a resounding “of-f*cking course!”
I see my own personal healing journey as one of my greatest assets as a trauma therapist. I deeply understand trauma on both a personal and professional level, and I am able to offer a truly compassionate, supportive, and loving hand, while also creating a clear, direct, and accessible road to transformation.
I’ve also been practicing yoga since 2002, and am a “retired” yoga teacher. I got my Bachelor’s degree in Art History, with a minor in Italian. I love reading fiction (my kindle changed my life), I have a regular meditation practice, and a hot yoga class is where I get all my creative downloads (something about the sweat!). I have two dogs named Bisbee and Rio (a nod to my Arizona roots). I grew up in Scottsdale in the 80’s, when there were still dirt roads, horseback riding, and wide open spaces. I’m left handed, a Pisces, and I can’t smell skunk (not sure why?). I’m very sensitive to my environment, and will work hard to make any space of mine calming and beautiful. I like to be comfortable, and I prefer to be barefoot (yoga clothes, anyone?). I love good food and drink, and I’ve struggled with infertility. I speak un po’ di Italiano, and I’m very good at spelling, thanks to my English teacher father. My favorite days are the days with no plans at all. I’m also an empath, an introvert, an HSP, and an intuitive. And I really don’t like to write about myself.
I have a Master’s degree in Marriage Family Therapy, and am also a Reiki Master. My business, lovelew, is a magical mix of art and science, evidence-based practice and spiritual practice, beauty and heartbreak, life and death, both/and. One can’t exist without the other.
At lovelew, we empower individuals in their unique journey of grief or trauma, fostering understanding and acceptance of profound emotions that arise from loss. With a compassionate and judgment-free approach, we create a safe space for exploration and demystify the complexities of grief and trauma.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Compassion. – the word compassion means “to suffer with”. In my work, I have to be able to sit in the depths of human emotion. Learning how to be with the hard stuff is instrumental in this work.
Interest – I have a genuine interest in the work I do. I am fascinated by both trauma and death. I don’t think I could have made it this far if the topic of my work wasn’t something I was truly interested in.
Self-Care – It is so easy to get burnt out in my line of work. I’m still perfecting it, but it is absolutely imperative to figure out what you need as an individual to function at your greatest, and meet that need for yourself on a regular basis. Otherwise, your clients are getting less than they deserve, and you won’t last in this work.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
I really love the book “Growing Yourself Back Up” by John Lee. This is a book about how, when we are not operating at our best selves, we almost become younger versions of ourselves, and therefore act in ways that are younger than we really are. It’s a similar concept to “inner child”, but I felt that it explains the concept in a way that feels more practical and relatable to everyone. It’s something we all do, and this book does a great job at normalizing that.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.withlovelew.com
- Instagram: @with_lovelew
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LauraWaltonLMFT
- Linkedin: LAURA WALTON
Image Credits
Jean Laninga Eunice Beck
