Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Lila Homan. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Lila, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
I’ve felt abnormal for most of my life. Early on, I sensed from my peers that I was more accepted if I presented myself to be like them, rather than being myself. At that time, I believed the resulting internal dissonance was better than being alienated. I carried this approach through adolescence and into adulthood. Even as I got better at being a chameleon, alienation came anyway, the dissonance grew louder, and I still didn’t know why most people seemed to understand so much that I didn’t. Naturally, deep feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, and isolation developed, along with the increasingly unsettling question of who I really was, and who I should be.
When I was 36, I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. The combination of elation and relief I felt with this epiphany is indescribable. It was the missing puzzle piece that made my life make sense. Knowing why I felt out-of-sync, I could give myself permission to start being myself.
Yet, after years of carefully curated and seemingly perfected performances, who actually was I? With so many masks ingrained and intertwined with my authentic self, the process of answering that question has been quite an undertaking – one I’ve had the privilege of sharing with an excellent therapist. The process of unmasking can be quite a curious exploration, and one that takes compassionate practice and gentle determination. One of the many things I discovered in this process is the more that I embraced authenticity, the more I found genuine connection and community with other neurodivergent people: friends, colleagues, patients, and more. I learned that my challenges were not unique to me, nor an indication that I was dysfunctional.
The more I learned about my own neurodivergence and the more specialized I became in my own practice, the number of patients I had seeking neurodivergent-affirming care grew. It was incredible to realize that people were seeking me out for the very thing I felt confused by and ashamed of most of my life. While my self-worth doesn’t stem from external acceptance, it is reassuring to know that who I am – especially what makes me divergent from the majority – can be precisely what helps others in their own healing journey.
The fulfillment I get from being able to validate my patients’ experiences and support them on their journey is unlike any I’ve ever known. Opportunities to educate my patients and colleagues as I continue to learn has become a true passion – and a hallmark of my true self. Every moment that I experience honoring who I really am reinforces my feelings of confidence and self-esteem.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
My favorite thing to hear from a patient is that they feel like themselves again. As a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, I provide psychiatric assessment, including Autism Spectrum Disorder evaluation, medication management, and therapeutic services. I dreamed of naming my practice “Bloom” years before I even opened the doors. The name was inspired by seeing patients return to my office after either the start of the right medication or a healing experience in therapy, and we could both see and feel the change. Their faces were brighter, their whole energy lighter, and it appeared to me that they had truly bloomed.
I always tell my patients that my goal is not for them to feel like their “best self,” because that’s not sustainable. My goal, instead, is that they feel like their “favorite self.” Being our “favorite self” includes imperfections, good and bad days, mistakes, and permission to accept the same grace that we extend to others.
I work with patients ages 5 and up, tackling challenges like anxiety, depression, trauma, and bipolar disorder, and I specialize in neurological differences such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and OCD. So many people, especially those born female, face under-diagnosis, invalidation, and dismissiveness of their autism and ADHD struggles. I’m passionate about practicing with a neurodivergent-affirming, gender-affirming, and LGBTQ+-affirming approach. I aspire to develop education about Autism and ADHD, especially how it presents in people assigned female at birth.
Recently, I’ve expanded Bloom to add practitioners who share my commitment to validating neurodivergence and developing pathways for patients to live more authentically. Given the huge need for support in this area, I’m excited by the opportunity for us to serve more people than I can on my own.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Listening is noticing without judgment. Curiosity is essential in any type of quest, especially in mental wellness journeys. In my role, this can look like asking thoughtful questions as well as having enough humility and openness to be questioned by the patient or family members. This can look like creating a safe space for correction, clarification, wonderment, imagination, and vulnerability. This can look like listening to voices of those who actually live the experience of Autism, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc, and not just those who study it. This can also look like prioritizing mindful practices, where we attune to the messages our own bodies are sending us, and honoring those needs. I would encourage everyone to practice nurturing that connection with others and with themselves. Get curious and notice without judgment.
Validation – I believe that everyone has a fundamental need to feel validated. That it matters what we think, feel, and believe. There is a self-help saying that says, “Feelings aren’t facts.” While this has some truth to it and many times how we feel may not be the most accurate perspective of a situation, it is still a fact that we feel a certain way. Unless I acknowledge how I feel and that it’s ok to be feeling that way, I don’t have the opportunity to process my emotions in a healthy way.
Compassion – For many of us, I believe, being compassionate towards others ranks pretty high in our values systems. Acts of kindness and helping hands create connection and relationship. It’s often difficult, however, to include ourselves in that equation, and we are often harsher on ourselves than we would ever be to someone else. It’s easy to hold ourselves to a higher standard and expect perfection. We have to remember that we are just as deserving of the gentleness, grace, and compassion we give to others. The more I embrace the humanness in myself, the more I find that I embrace the humanness in others.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
I find a great deal of joy in collaboration with others. I love learning from other mental health professionals, be it therapists, nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc. I love learning from my patients and other people with lived experience in neurodivergence. I am always open to expanding my knowledge and growing in the ways that I provide care. If you’re interested in collaboration, feel free to check out my website and contact me via email.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.bloompsychiatryservices.com
