We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Liliana Jeanine Epps. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Liliana Jeanine below.
Liliana Jeanine, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I read this quote one time on Tumblr “Remember when Jenny Slate said ‘As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain and more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love.’” I’m not sure if Jenny Slate actually said that, but it’s not the point. The point is, when I read that, I felt a huge shift in myself. To give y’all some context, at this time I was around 21 and it was probably 2018/2019, so I was already deep in my main stream social media hiatus and not using Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. I had been on Tumblr sine I was like 13 (and still use it to this day), but not using mainstream social media was a BIG confidence booster. Also, it had been about a year since shaving all of my hair off and keeping a buzz cut look, which was a HUGE deal for me considering my long curly hair was THE first thing everybody would compliment me on since I was a little kid. I was also deep in my self-help and spiritual book era while getting a degree in Gender Studies — needless to say divorcing myself from the Male Gaze did wonders for my self-esteem. And lastly, I had come out as queer/bisexual/pansexual to my friends and family, embracing my nonbinary self and attraction to all people a little more proudly.
One of the most impactful self-confidence exercises I did during this time in my early 20s was writing affirmations on sticky notes and putting them on my mirror. Basically everyday after I got ready, I would meditate and then read out loud the 5-10 affirmations on my mirror till I could look myself in the eyes and truly mean it. Once I embodied the affirmation I would switch it out for another one that resonated with me and I kept this routine going for about a year or so till I felt I had outgrown it. I say all of this because the combination of all these things — the books, my school material, the affirmations, etc. — plus reading that alleged Jenny Slate quote, radically changed my perspective of myself. I became stronger in creating my value from within. I realized that I would be loved and hated no matter what I did, so I better do what makes me feel loved… I better love myself. I realized I am the only person in my body, inside my head, living my life, so I better love every second of it! This isn’t to say I’m a perfect self-love robot now, because that would be silly. I am always going to be a human and part of being human means moving through different emotions and head spaces — shout out to practicing yoga, studying Yogic & Buddhist philosophy, and doing yoga teacher training when I was 23. However, whenever I inevitably get shaken up from life it’s much easier to come back to my center and come back to my love of Self because I have built and continue to shape a strong foundation that’s personalized to me.
Lastly, I would like to note, the more confidence I gained I started to see how so many people – especially adults older than me – are self conscious and quick to attack people with confidence. That was an important realization for me as a young adult because I decided I didn’t want to go through my whole life hating myself and potentially taking it out on others. Nor surround myself with people who wanted to bring me down. To me this seemed like a miserable waste of time.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
The one thing I want the world to know about my artwork is that it is 1,000% me. I am 1,000 different people, personalities, vibes, emotions, energies, and interests. If my artwork or “brand” seems scattered or unfocused or constantly changing, well that’s because it is! Because I’m forever growing, changing, learning, evolving, and healing, my art and the work I put out in the world is too. The only constant is change and the only thing that stays the same is love. My “brand” is bright and dark, soft and edgy, vintage and futuristic, silly and serious – I pride myself on encompassing both sides of the same coin. I don’t box myself in and I think that’s what makes my artwork/brand special because there’s something for everybody, every age, and every background. I have a special way of relating to every human being because my work is heart-centered. My work is based on love.
I also want to highlight that my main source of income comes from being a Grant Writer. I currently write grants for two non-profits: AI4Abolition and the Earthlodge Center for Transformation. I am really excited about this time of my life because it’s always been a goal of mine to have a sustainable source of income that compliments my creative endeavors. I tried financially sustaining myself solely through making art and teaching yoga but started to feel resentful, bitter and burnt out – i.e. the complete opposite of how art and yoga truly make me feel. I hated the feeling of relying on my art to make money because for me it stifles my ability to create authentically. And truthfully, I wasn’t making enough money to sustain my current quality of living let alone my desired lifestyle.
I really appreciate being a Grant Writer because I can basically work from anywhere anytime which allows me the freedom to organically and sustainably grow my other endeavors, such as my music and artistic personas: Liliana Jeanine, Playing indigo, 818 FEMME. As well as my vintage Etsy shop: LILYLANDforUS. Through my experience, I’ve also learned that working with people outside of an artistic bubble nourishes my skill set in ways that actually support my personal endeavors/artwork. In short, I’ve always wanted to be an artist but I’ve never wanted to be a struggling artist nor a slave to a record label, publishing company or industry. I’m still a slave to capitalism – we all are – but the work-life I’ve created for myself is my way of doing the best I can with what I’ve got while working towards our collective liberation.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1. Small consistent actions make a BIG difference over time
2. Non-judgment of self and others
3. Stay curious, be a student forever!
My advice for folks who are early in their journey is LEARN WHO YOU ARE. STUDY YOURSELF. There is no one on this Earth who will know you better than YOU because only YOU are in YOUR body living YOUR life. So much of my growth has been through studying myself, learning myself and loving myself. Become the expert in the person that is YOU and I promise you will have a much easier time navigating through life as a whole.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Honestly, I just let myself feel overwhelmed. It might sound obvious, but I used to avoid feeling my emotions all the time and truthfully I still do sometimes. Like I would judge myself for feeling emotions. So a big part of my journey has been allowing myself to feel without judgment. I realized it was so much easier to let the emotion(s) go, or rather pass through me, if I just felt them in their entirety. In the past, when I wasn’t aware of this, I would notice that I had all these bottled up emotions that would spew out unintentionally and at often inappropriate times because I hadn’t process them. But now when I feel overwhelmed, I just let myself feel overwhelmed because I know it won’t last forever. I know eventually I’ll shift into a different mood. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, I brain rot on my phone and scroll through social media, I unapologetically lie in my bed for hours, I go for a walk outside, I do some yoga, I talk to a friend, I hang out with my mom, I run errands, or I make music. I have a lot of different ways I handle feeling overwhelmed so it really just depends on the moment. But I wouldn’t have a rich tool box of coping mechanisms if I didn’t take the time to learn and understand myself. Getting here took a lot of trial and error, reading/listening what works for other people, talking to friends, mentors, and strangers. I just kind of listen to life, if that makes sense. I learn through my experiences and I am always a curious little kid taking note of what’s going on around me. Kind of like a researcher always taking in data. My experiment is the art of living.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://lilianajeanine.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/liliana.jeanine/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@lilianajeanine
- Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/lilianajeanine
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@liliana.jeanine
Image Credits
Personal Photo: Princess Amugo
Photo 1, 2, 6: Dayoung Lee
Photo 5: Ariel Mengistu
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
