Meet Lune Wynyard

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Lune Wynyard a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Lune , thanks for sitting with us today to chat about topics that are relevant to so many. One of those topics is communication skills, because we live in an age where our ability to communicate effectively can be like a superpower. Can you share how you developed your ability to communicate well?

It’s been a windy road, just like everything else in my life! We don’t come into the world possessing adult communication skills, and I was no exception. I would not call my family one that was versed in effective communication either, so growing up I wasn’t aware that it was even possible to deal with conflict in a way that could honor everyone involved. That’s probably more common than not.

I have a memory that stands out to me, from when I was in high school, so probably in my mid teens. I was trying to express something complex to my boyfriend, I don’t remember what it was but I remember feeling intense frustration. I said something like, “I have a whole world of feelings inside of me, but I can’t seem to bridge it with words; it’s like there’s no way of making that connection and I hate this feeling” (or something like that). It was as though my mind lacked the ability to articulate what I was experiencing, even to myself.

I suppose even then I was actually using pretty good communication skills to express that, at least, but I longed to be able to put language to and name my inner experience. That’s probably when I started paying attention when people seemed to have that ability. It was around then that I think it became a point of focus, though I wasn’t aware of that until some years later.

It was the first time I moved in with a partner, in my very early twenties, that I began noticing the difference in our communication styles. I didn’t have the mental-emotional pathways established to understand what was going on within my own self until it became unmanageable, and I was trapped in a codependent, people-pleasing cycle that would of course, ultimately lead to outbursts and breakdowns because my own needs were not being recognized nor met.

Similarly to my earlier initial frustration in high school, I remember that feeling of confusion and impotence. I wanted to be happy and I wanted to be in healthy relationships, but something wasn’t adding up. I noticed that that partner’s family dynamic was quite different than what I was familiar with, and I focused in on what they were doing that seemed to produce different results.

Looking back, the main feature of what I was picking up on and learning was listening. It took me years and years to learn how to actually listen, and it’s something I still work on because I catch myself prioritizing my own talking points when having a conversation. I have come to believe that listening is by far the most important part of communicating, and that communication is the most important skill anyone can develop. I think that once people become effective communicators, almost anything is possible, because there’s always a way through conflict if the people involved can communicate.

Now I try to practice Nonviolent Communication whenever possible, which is more emotionally focused. Making I-statements about my own feelings as opposed to labeling others and deflecting responsibility. It is a completely different orientation than what our culture has placed emphasis on, and it works. Being a parent myself now, I’ve made it a goal to model and demonstrate how communication can help everyone get our needs met.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

Because I’ve always lived my life intuitively–meaning I follow my heart even if my rational mind can’t predict the outcome–I also apply my intuition to the work that I do. After 20 years of cutting hair, I’m still often surprised at where I’ve ended up, as a natural hair aficionado, and guardian of sacred knowledge of something nobody else seems to be talking about: universal human hair growth patterns.

The more open, curious, and receptive I can be while I work, the more I’ve been able to put together the puzzle of how hair grows. The more attention I pay to these patterns while cutting, the more available my clients can be to think about things other than their hair, confident that it simply falls into place no matter what they do, for months after their cut. This is important because it offers freedom, both to the person having their hair cut from daily styling and concern, and to the stylist who becomes freer to explore their craft as a fluid art form that must express differently according to the unique client they are working with each time.

I feel increasing amounts of pressure to disseminate this information to folks who care to follow in my footsteps and learn how to free themselves from the rigidity of a rapidly dying paradigm in hair and beauty. For this reason, I’ve spent years reverse-engineering my own methods, making the intuitive conscious, and developing an educational platform for hairstylists to learn Intuitive Dry Cutting, complete with 1:1 coaching to determine where folks might experience resistance to this new approach and how we can move through it together.

In discovering my ‘Universal Hair Map’ that pieces together all the distinct areas of a human head from which hair emerges in recognizable patterns across all people, I’m in possession of something very valuable, and I recognize its power. The difficulty I face in harnessing it lies in my personal struggles (of course).

“If I could only…” is a painfully familiar phrase that I’m using my own teachings to address, which are ones of Radical Acceptance and leaning into discomfort rather than trying to avoid or escape it. When I maintain my commitment to operating ‘nonlinearly’–a critical aspect of Intuitive Dry Cutting and intuitive living in general–I am subjected to the inherent anarchy of being human on a planet that is anything but controllable, and that makes it difficult to predict exactly how and when this evolution of my career will manifest, from the role of haircutter to that of teacher.

Watching my daughter’s hair grow in from infancy over these first years of her life, thickening and lengthening, I have the privilege of viewing hair growth in real time, and any gaps that existed in my educational model are gradually being filled in in the process. The concept of giving people what I like to call their “inner child’s hair” is also closer to home now, as I observe my daughter in relationship to her self and her hair. Young children are not bothered by the same impositions that we put on ourselves as adults, to conform to society’s expectations of us, and I want to create awareness of the beauty in that freedom.

You may have guessed by now that this approach doesn’t conform to the prevailing model; rather than creating the life I want, I am committed to co-creating with the Universe. I understand that most circumstances are outside of my control–just like the biology we inherit and inhabit–but that I do have the power to respond to those as I choose, and to work with them to optimize the outcomes for everyone involved.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The three qualities of mine that brought me to my current, self-taught level of success are: the desire to continue improving my skillset, humility and reverence for Nature and in the larger process at play, and the ability to “fake it til I made it” or self-confidence. I will go into more detail about each below.

I don’t know if “perfectionism” is the right word for it, but I enjoy the challenge of competing with myself, if you will. I know that there will never not be areas in my own skillset that can’t be tweaked and upleveled. It adds an element of challenge that keeps my work interesting, even though I technically do the same thing on repeat every day. When I cut hair, and even more broadly when I do anything that requires measurements, I’ve always liked relying on my own internal measuring system, rather than defaulting to measuring tools. I’m a fan of “eyeballing” quantities, and if I need to, I can always double check to ensure accuracy, but this keeps that internal mechanism supple, and I enjoy playing the game with myself of how precise I can be without help. I sincerely want each of my clients to be as happy as can be with their haircut, so I continue perfecting for as long as it takes until I’m sure I’ve delivered the very best product I possibly can, every time, no matter what.

Somehow I’ve always known that Nature is infinitely wiser and more clever than any human system will ever be. I believe that the Universe has an intricate design and inherent order that skews toward harmony. This has given me a strong sense of Faith–the ability to go with the flow and trust that things will work out for the ultimate good of all concerned–which doesn’t always amount to what is most comfortable for me, so that is not my yardstick. I trust that, because I strive to be of genuine service to others, I will be reciprocally taken care of due to something like the idea of ‘karma’. I don’t feel the need to mentally understand how it all works, so I’m more and more able to let go of that need for control and rest into surrender-mode. I call my approach either “surfing” or “dancing,” which both require skill, trust, practice, and the ability to act in relationship to something larger than myself and my mental capacity.

I couldn’t tell you where my self-confidence comes from. I don’t think I’ve necessarily always had it, but my childhood moving from place to place every 2 years probably built a certain level of resilience in me. If I didn’t step up and make my strengths known, I might not make friends within the timeframe available to me before having to start over again. I learned to make the most of what was around. I leaned into the things I enjoyed and cultivated more opportunities to shine within those spheres. For example, I spent a lot of time in my high school art studio. I was lucky enough to go to a school that let us spend our free time in classrooms of choice, and mine was always the art studio where I worked with mixed media and sculpture a lot. I was comfortable working with my hands and getting dirty, making shapes emerge from different textures, and that translated seamlessly into working with hair and scissors.

My advice to folks wanting to develop in their own fields is the most cliche thing I can think of: follow your heart. It may sound trite but your passion holds the key to your success. Explore your value system and distill it down to a few solid truths. What is absolutely true for you? What makes you feel light and free inside your body while you’re doing it? For me, being of service is undeniably fulfilling. I love working with people, and with my hands, doing something concrete and tangible that is also functional, and helpful for them on their path. I allowed hair cutting to emerge organically, without knowing that would be my own life path. I didn’t necessarily pursue it as much as allow its seed to take root within me, and nurture that as it grew into something stronger with every year.

Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?

My biggest challenge right now is finding the time and energy to dedicate to transitioning from cutting hair to building my online education platform for hair stylists. Helping hair stylists find freedom through breaking out of the rigid constraints of the “old” hair cutting and beauty paradigm is something I feel passionately about, and is something I see as being inevitable, but it is just out of my reach, and that is frustrating. I am a single parent and sole earner and caregiver for my child, who is still in the age bracket of expensive preschool education while I navigate rising costs of housing and groceries and everything else. I know what I need to do to fuel this other business, but lack the bandwidth to do those things because all my time and effort is currently sustaining other things.

When something is outside the realm of my control, I let it go and lean on my faith in the bigger picture. Rather than fight reality, I remember my principles: go in the direction of lightness and aliveness. I know that my daughter will never be this age again. It is a challenging age in many ways, and my nervous system is fried from spreading myself so thinly to provide a childhood of safety, security, structure, and enrichment for her, but I am choosing to be patient and remember my priorities, of which she is unquestionably at the top.

I trust the natural arc of progress. It never follows a linear path, but takes steps forward, backward, and even “wastes time” off to the sides going in circles and might appear chaotic and regressive to the untrained eye. But nothing is wasted in my book; everything is information that can be integrated for smoother sailing in the future. This early phase in building my next business requires a heavier up-front investment, and will allow for more spaciousness as time goes on. But I also realize that the present moment is all that actually exists, and must not be sacrificed for the purpose of the idea of freedom. There will always be challenges at every turn. If I get quiet, slow down, and sit with each challenge I encounter, I will learn more from them. They exist for a reason, and I’d rather not face the same lesson over and over again because I chose to bypass the discomfort and bulldoze my way forward. In fact, “bending” and stretching linear time is something I teach in my more advanced levels of Intuitive Dry Cutting.

I know that Intuitive Dry Cutting is here to stay, and that I am just getting started after 20 years of practice. It is based on sustainability and service-oriented activism, and conditions for its growth and proliferation are only ripening. If I am patient, I can create in a way that is equally sustainable for me at its helm, for I’ve learned my lesson about building a foundation for business that doesn’t suck the life out of me back when I had a busy hair salon. The more I thrive at the center, the more my business will magnify and reflect that as it ripples outward and onward.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.intuitivedrycutting.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/intuitive.dry.cutting/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@intuitivedrycutting

Image Credits

Alisa Foytik
Jenn Morse
Jen Fox