Meet Maria Mcneal

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Maria Mcneal. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Maria, so great to have you with us today. There are so many topics we want to ask you about, but perhaps the one we can start with is burnout. How have you overcome or avoided burnout?

I think any time we are having a conversation about burnout it’s important to first acknowledge that burnout is not the fault of the individual. In my own experience, when I felt overwhelmed with everything that needed to be done in a day, I didn’t think to question the system first. I took it upon myself to read all the books and blogs, to learn the “life hacks”, to try the bullet journals and various morning routines, but still found myself unable to keep up with the demands of work and life. I realized that what I did for the first few years of my career – overextending myself and working extra hours to get everything done – was what had to be done in order for me to be doing my job adequately. So, to restate, it needs to be acknowledged that many of our societies’ systems are not set up for individuals to have a healthy, balanced lifestyle and it is not the fault or responsibility of those in these positions to do different or better at work. It is the responsibility of those making the systematic decisions to take the well-being of families and individuals into consideration. Burnout is a huge problem because people are realizing that many of the systems aren’t working anymore (and never really were). The more I started realizing this, the closer I came to the decision to leave my job in 2021.

The quote, “Be brave enough to break your own heart,” by Cheryl Strayed kept popping up in my mind when I was making the decision to leave this job that I absolutely loved and brought so much joy, meaning, and purpose to my life. But as I changed and my life circumstances evolved, I knew with more certainty that it wasn’t going to work for me anymore. I also knew that I was experiencing burnout – I was starting to feel like nothing I was doing was really making a difference. I felt exhausted and frustrated by a system that continued to ask professionals to do more with less and wasn’t adequately supporting children and families. I knew that at the very least, I needed a break to reset and re-calibrate. I broke my own heart by leaving, but in doing so, have allowed myself to grow and to build a much more healthy and balanced life. Reading the book, Burnout, The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski also really opened my eyes to what was happening with me during that time in life and helped to give me the tools to recover.

When I left my job, I quickly realized that I was very good at showing up for other people but wanted to work on showing up for myself. To begin recovering from burnout, I found more flexible work and decided to start learning skills and trying things that I’d always been interested in but had not had or made the time for. I set goals and made and kept small promises to myself each day. I learned how to slow down my brain and listen to my body and its signals. Among the bigger goals I set for myself was the decision to write and publish a children’s book. Publishing a book was something I’d wanted to do for a long time and for about a year, I set my mind and heart on it.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

My children’s book “Always Enough” was released in July of 2024 and I’m so excited to share it! The last year was about creating and publishing and this next phase is about sharing and collaborating. My goal was to write a book that can be used to strengthen the incredibly important bond of caregivers and children. Always Enough is a love letter from parent to child communicating some of the messages I believe all children need to hear and feel to grow and thrive – you are safe, you are loved, you belong, and no matter what, you are enough.

Always Enough was largely inspired by the Internal Family Systems theory by Richard Schwartz and Dr. Becky Kennedy’s work on parenting, as well as my own experiences working with many children who did not have the safety of these secure bonds at home that all kids deserve. Richard Schwartz and Dr. Becky Kennedy teach that we come into the world wired for connection and looking to our caregivers to consistently answer the questions, “Am I safe?” “Am I real?” and “Do I matter?” With this affirmation, recognition, and unconditional love from caregivers, we are then able to explore the world with curiosity, creativity, and courage. Always Enough can be used as a tool to start conversations with children and as a comfort for them to read with a grownup or on their own. It can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Noble online, or through my website,  www.mariamcneal.com.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Three things that helped me through the process of overcoming burnout and getting to a point where I self-published my book were 1) Making and keeping small promises to myself – which included setting lots of boundaries 2) Mantras and positive self-talk, and 3) Lots of patience and self-compassion.

In his book “Atomic Habits,” James Clear talks about keeping our daily goals and habits small and doable. Some days we’ll have more energy and motivation and some days we’ll do the bare minimum – and that’s okay! If we have a goal to do yoga every day, some days we may do one downward dog and then take a nap and others we may make it to a 60-minute class. Either one is great, counts as meeting our goal, and is probably just what we needed for that specific day. Putting pressure on ourselves to feel the same motivation for the same things every day usually doesn’t end well. I like to write out a daily list of what I want to accomplish that day, and these look very different depending on the day. Some days can be as simple as, “Be present with people,” while others include more specific, tangible goals. I have also found that setting boundaries – only saying yes to things I actually want to do and have time and energy for – have helped me to keep those daily goals and to take care of myself in a way I never have before.

When I am lacking the motivation to do something and it’ll only take five minutes or less, I tell myself something like, “Just do it! You got this.” and get to it. For me, some positive self-talk can go a long way. Sometimes I would even set a five-minute timer and tell myself I could stop when it goes off. Often, just getting started is the motivation I need to keep writing, research that question I want answered, or send that email. Sometimes, especially in the book publishing process, I would feel overwhelmed thinking that I needed to know exactly how everything would play out even before I got started. When this came up, I’d take a break and then remind myself to, “Just do the next right thing, one thing at a time. That’ll take you all the way home.” <- a mantra I borrowed from author and podcaster Glennon Doyle.

Lastly, when working on a long-term project or recovering from burnout or healing, showing myself lots of patience and self-compassion has been key in fostering resilience when things get tough. In our highly digital and fast-paced society, it’s easy to forget the art of working slowly and deliberately on something meaningful. This can include a book or other creative project, starting a business, engaging in some personal healing work, etc. What I have learned through trial and error (lots of them!) is that if we want quick results, we often don’t learn what we’re meant to learn or grow in the way we really need to for long term success or healing. Trying new things sometimes means that it won’t work out the way we envisioned, but we’ll never know until we’ve tried. A few great resources on patience and self-compassion that I’ve loved are, Self Compassion and Mindful Self Compassion for Burnout by Kristin Neff and more recently, Cal Newport’s, Slow Productivity, The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout.

Overall, my best advice when recovering from burnout is to learn to listen to what you need each day, to periodically set goals, big and small, and to be kind to yourself as you mindfully work toward them :).

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

Currently, I’m looking to collaborate with businesses, schools, and organizations in the Kansas City area that support children, parents, and caregivers to do book readings and/or signings. I’d love to come visit! If this is something you’re interested in, please contact me at  maria.t.mcneal@gmail.com or through my website,  www.mariamcneal.com.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.mariamcneal.com
• Instagram: @mariamcnealkc