Meet Markita Van De Riet

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Markita Van De Riet a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Markita, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?

When I enter a room, I see it as a stage to cultivate meaningful experiences, challenge stereotypes, and forge genuine connections. It’s my chance to be seen for who I am—beyond my race or gender. Often, we let insecurities hold us back, dismissing the idea that we might share values and life experiences with others in the room. But I believe my style and energy speak volumes. My uniqueness is my power, and I use it to make a lasting impact.

Growing up in Vista, a small city in San Diego County, California, I was often the only African American girl in the room—except at church. With African Americans making up less than 5% of the county’s population, I got used to being “the only one.” But what challenged me wasn’t the absence of others who looked like me—it was how I was perceived. As an unapologetic extrovert, my vibrant personality was labeled “too much.” Too loud, too chatty, too joyful.

I tried to tone myself down to make others comfortable. But it wasn’t until college, when I found friendships rooted in unconditional love, that I began to see myself differently. These relationships taught me to embrace my personality and let it shine—no matter who was in the room.

Now, I lean into my expressive energy, bringing warmth and positivity into spaces to break down barriers. I choose to let people experience me—the only Markita Van de Riet there will ever be. I see myself as a walking billboard, representing self-assuredness and grace. My choice is clear: I can show up timid and insecure, or I can radiate God’s love, kindness, and acceptance. Not everyone will connect with me, and that’s okay. I’m not for everyone—but for those who need my energy, I’ll be there.

This philosophy inspired me to create My Style Speaks. I want to help women overcome fashion insecurities by rediscovering the treasures already in their closets. A closet is like a fingerprint—a reflection of individuality and personal history. But life, expectations, and self-doubt often cause us to hide our unique style. Add the pressure of being “the only one in the room,” and it’s easy to shrink into the background.

But here’s the truth: You matter. The people in the room need your presence, your energy, your confidence. That’s how you make an impact.

Here are three tips to thrive in any space, especially when you feel out of place:

Set clear goals. Define what you want to achieve before you enter the room. Whether it’s networking, connecting with five new people, or simply having fun, a goal helps focus your energy and calm your nerves.

Read the room. Some of us dive right in; others need to ease into the atmosphere. Find a friendly face and start a conversation. Or, if you need a moment, settle in with a drink and chat with the person next to you. Even something as simple as asking for directions can open the door to connection.

Listen actively. Engaging in meaningful conversation starts with listening. When you genuinely take in what others are saying and respond thoughtfully, you spark dialogue that showcases your insight and personality. Asking follow-up questions and sharing your perspective deepens those connections.

Remember, every room is a new opportunity to be authentically you. Own it, embrace it, and make an impact.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

By my mid-thirties, I was in overdrive—a nonstop wife and mother of two young children, with zero time to think about myself. Mornings were a blur of getting dressed in whatever was clean and rushing out the door to work. By the time I hit my forties, I realized I was stuck in a rut: the same cycle of getting the kids ready, working, cooking dinner, chauffeuring to activities, homework, baths, bedtime, and collapsing on the couch with Netflix and wine. Day after day, it was a hamster wheel of exhaustion.

Then one evening, during my usual Netflix-and-wine routine, I just broke down. Tears started flowing, and the question hit me like a ton of bricks: Who am I? What happened to me?

I was overweight, wearing clothes that were simply functional, and feeling utterly lost in my own life. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my days this way—married but feeling alone, miserable in my own skin. Something had to change.

That night, I reached out to a friend who’s a personal trainer and asked for help. That one call became the first of many decisions that would transform my life. Through this journey, God revealed something powerful to me: the mindset I brought to getting dressed each morning shaped my entire day. Dressing hurriedly, while feeling frustrated and disconnected, projected an outward image of disorganization and defeat.

So, I decided to take action. I went through my closet and removed anything that didn’t feel like me anymore. Every night before bed, I started picking out my outfit intentionally—choosing pieces that made me feel confident and aligned with who I wanted to be. Over time, this simple ritual became a source of joy.

Before long, people began noticing. Compliments on my style rolled in, and as I shared my journey with friends, I discovered that many women felt the same way I had—stuck, frustrated, and unsure of how to reclaim their style amidst the chaos of life. That’s when I knew I had to do something bigger.

In 2024, I launched My Style Speaks to help women rediscover their style using what’s already in their closets. I realized that so many of us are held back by limiting beliefs—whether it’s about our body, our lifestyle, or what others have told us we “should” or “shouldn’t” wear. I wanted to create a safe, empowering community where women could share their struggles and get the tools they need to craft their own “style standards” and “style rules.”

On my website, www.mystylespeaks.com, Instagram and Facebook (@mystylespeaks2), I offer advice and encouragement on how to transform everyday closet staples into reflections of your unique personality. I also host a weekly church connect group focused on style, because I believe we are all fearfully and wonderfully made—designed to represent God’s creativity through our uniqueness.

To me, your style is more than what you wear—it’s an outward expression of how you see yourself. You’re a living billboard, representing your soul to the world. The question is: Are you showing up as your authentic self, or as what you think others expect you to be?

I’m here to help you find that answer, to embrace your individuality, and to step into every space with confidence and purpose.”

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

The three qualities/skills/area of knowledge that have been most impactful on my journey have been being an effective networker, with the ability to work a room, connecting with people to collaborate with for projects. A problem solver, whether it’s working on an event, project or solving a technical issue; I love to solve problems. As a performer, you get an opportunity to connect with your audience which is why I love acting, teaching and public speaking.

For those early in their journey who may feel intimidated with speaking in public, start with practicing pitching your ideas to close friends and family. Get their feedback and as you become confident in communicating. Joining a local Toastmasters Club is another way to improve and become comfortable public speaking. I first heard of and joined Toastmasters in the 5th grade when I didn’t make the cut of our 5th grade choir (who does that, cut children from a school choir) but it worked out for my good because it introduced me the techniques of public speaking.

Depending on where you are in your journey, look for opportunities to connect with people either in groups or one on one. By joining a Facebook group or commenting on social media posts will also help to acclimate you to interacting with strangers. Actively seek opportunities to provide solutions when people post problems or situations they’re trying to navigate. If you are a subject expert in an area, provide your own processes or signature style in handling problems or tricky scenarios.

Most importantly, be yourself at all times even when you feel pressure or unsure. When you’re authentic it provides a vulnerability that people respond well to and makes you relatable.

One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?

I’m passionate about empowering others through conversations and workshops about image and its connection to personal style. For young adults, I offer engaging discussions on social etiquette and how it shapes first impressions. For women, I explore why you matter—delving into the profound impact your self-image has, both on how others perceive you and how you see yourself.

I’m excited to collaborate with small groups, classes, or even individuals to create meaningful experiences tailored to their needs. I’m also eager to partner with experts in life coaching, beauty, lifestyle, or other fields related to self-image. Together, we can provide valuable insights to my connect group or contribute to my newsletter, inspiring our community to embrace their authenticity.

Let’s connect! You can reach me at [email protected] or visit my website at www.mystylespeaks.com. I look forward to creating something impactful together!

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @mystylespeaks2
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mystylespeaks2
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markita-van-de-riet-aba8bb87/

Image Credits

photos by Lisa Zader of Captured by the Lens Photography