We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Martha Stoumen a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Martha, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Confidence is built patiently, little by little, over a lifetime. And maintaining confidence takes constant practice—especially in the aftermath of failure or mistakes.
My confidence comes from challenging the fears that would keep me from my dreams, promising myself to act, and then coming to the table overly prepared. So, for me, confidence starts with a grain of bravery, but is galvanized by a lot of hard work.
An early example: In seventh grade I wanted to get involved in student government—in fact, I wanted to run for middle school president—but I was scared to give a speech in front of the entire school (especially because I was up against a group of older eighth grade candidates). I also feared losing, and what that might say about how much people liked me. I started small: first I found the confidence to tell my dad about my dream (the grain). He urged me to run (confiding in a trusted friend or family member is a safe way to start overcoming your fear, and a way to make yourself accountable for your dream). Next, the speech: I edited, I asked others for feedback, and I practiced that speech until it was drilled so deeply into my head there would be no way I’d forget it up on stage (the preparedness/hard work). Then, facing possible failure: mentally, I re-framed “what if I lose?” to “what if another candidate wins?”. This softened the fear, especially because all of my running mates were smart, hardworking, wonderful people and would deserve a win as much as I.
I won that, and subsequent elections, but eventually lost one my senior year in high school. Failure always hurts, but what hurts more over a lifetime is never starting the journey.
Later in life, when I dreamed of becoming a winemaker, and then launching my own label, I had to go through many of the same hurdles I did as a seventh grade presidential candidate. I can hear the voices (external and my own): A winemaker? There are few jobs, and they are mostly filled by males, many of whom come from money. But I heard my own voice also saying: Doesn’t the wine world need fresh perspectives? Also, if I don’t pursue this career I might lose out on a lifetime of doing something I love.
When I was ready to start my own label my preparedness gave me confidence. I had pursued apprenticeships with some of the best winemakers in the world, and I worked making wine and growing grapes for eight years prior to launching my own business. I made myself accountable by naming my label after myself: simply, Martha Stoumen Wines. I had no business chops, but I was dedicated to learning that side of my trade as quickly as possible, and only grew the business as fast as I could learn (which was still pretty quick!). Also, my confidence was driven by a sense of purpose: the whole reason I started my own business was because few people were growing grapes (organic and dry farmed) and making wine (few to no additives) the way I thought we should be as an industry. When you are driven by a purpose greater than yourself confidence comes more fluidly. My purpose would also become my brand’s differentiator.
As for my failures, I definitely remember them, but I work hard to not let them dictate my future. I sometimes think of the Marcus Aurelius quote “Only a fool trips over the rocks laid behind him.”
True, but it takes work to not be that fool! Ultimately though, I’ve decided I want a life where I am constantly learning, and what better way to learn than to try and not succeed?
Looking back on my early experiences, I realize I was cultivating a practice of checking in before mentally finalizing a decision: was I acting on fear, or out of love (for myself and others)? If I was beginning to act out of fear, how could I stop myself and re-frame my decision within a love-based approach? As I continued to think in these terms, even with seemingly small decisions, I realize it has lead me into a position of confidence.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Although most people call me a winemaker, at Martha Stoumen Wines I think of myself as an environmentalist and wine is the medium. I’ve been working as a winemaker and grape grower for 18 years, and a business owner for 10, but I originally studied Environmental Studies in my undergrad.
I knew I didn’t have the personality for grassroots or political environmental activism, so soon after college I went to work on a traditional Italian farm, where they placed me in the vineyard and in the small winery. The fulfillment of learning (and preserving) a craft that has been practiced by humans for thousands of years drew me to a career in winemaking, and I assumed any potential future I might have had in the environmental world would simply be a path not taken. But, the more I learned about my industry, and the standard of farming practices, the more I saw how bad our modern way of growing grapes can be for the environment (cue the dirty dozen list of crops). Grape farming hasn’t always been bad for the environment though, in fact traditional ways of grape farming are very low impact, and some forms can even create habitat and draw down carbon.
I founded Martha Stoumen Wines to champion this way of farming grapes, and to be an example in the industry of what the future of California wine could look like. In my winemaking, I take things a step further, eschewing ingredients other than grapes, and greatly minimizing sulfite levels. I call this a “winemaking and grape growing culture of patience” because there are no shortcuts taken, including no environmental shortcuts. The pace of my business growth is gated by this north star, and it feels good to have started a brand that doesn’t consider growth at all costs to be the ultimate marker of success. I knew there would be customers out there who would resonate with this ethos, and indeed, word got out pretty quickly once I released my first batch of wines.
I feel truly lucky to have found this path, where I craft with my hands, connect with nature, and where my form of environmental activism is told through the joy and pleasure of a beautiful bottle of wine. After all, joy and pleasure are essential to being human.
Martha Stoumen Wines continues to grow thoughtfully, and I continue to push the boundaries of what California wine can look like. Our limited production wines, many of which are from exciting, lesser-known varietals, are available through our wine club and in our online shop. You can also head there to learn more about naturally made wines, my story, recipes, and more, in our Field Notes.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
My dad taught me that in striving for a happy life I should expect uncomfortable moments—that moments of unhappiness, pain, confusion— these are all a normal part of life. Understanding this at an early age erased much of the anxiety that can accompany those already uncomfortable periods in life. Looking at the long game—that a happy life doesn’t necessarily mean being happy all the time—is such helpful framework. Of course chronic unhappiness and pain is another story, but normalizing uncomfortable life moments can also liberate us to reach out to others for support.
Another quality I have tried to nurture is empathy. I grew up in a very direct household. And my personality isn’t naturally patient when those around me produce anything but excellent work. I do, however, care deeply about those around me, and understand we are all humans, so coming up with a way to listen, set expectations, and motivate people to do the excellent work I know they are capable of, is always a work in progress. I recommend anyone wanting to start a business should start cultivating these tools now.
Finally, asking for feedback is some of the best business advice I have ever been given. Build asking for feedback into your daily workflow. It’s a muscle to exercise and it’s a great way to improve your own work. Equally as beneficial: if you do this regularly with employees you have already opened a conduit of communication, so when those difficult conversations arise (which they will!) they’ll be a little more fluid.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Pressure generally is good for my work, it keeps me concentrated and accountable. But sometimes I get overwhelmed to such a point where I can tell I’m just mentally spinning my wheels.
At this point no amount of mental work will push me out of this—I have to force myself to put down the problem and come back to it later. Usually I try and do something physical, something in nature, or something with a friend. Bonus if it’s all three.
Once there is a bit of space between myself and whatever was triggering me, I reflect on why I am so overwhelmed. Then I write out a detailed plan of action with proper deadlines. If I, or someone else, has given me an unrealistic timeline then I don’t delay in either asking for an extension or decreasing the project scope, if possible.
Contact Info:
- Website: marthastoumen.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marthastoumen/?hl=en
Image Credits
Andrew Thomas Lee Alyssa Julian
