We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Mary Grace Whitney a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Mary Grace, thank you so much for agreeing to talk with us about a deeply personal and sensitive topic. Postpartum depression affects so many in the community and hearing from someone who has overcome PPD might help someone who is going through it right now. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience
When I gave birth to my second son I felt the most confident. This was my second baby in 17 months so I knew exactly what I was doing…or so I thought. The first week was a breeze, my husband was able to help with our toddler and we had a lot of help. He went back to work (in the basement) a week later and I put a lot of pressure on myself to manage it all perfectly. At 4 weeks postpartum it was like a switch flipped in my brain and my baby’s belly. Suddenly, he was crying all of the time and I couldn’t figure out how to soothe him. The voice in my head got much louder and kept saying “what have you done?” We figured out that he had a dairy intolerance, since I was breastfeeding I cut out all dairy from my diet. It helped! But I was so tired.
Weeks 4-8 were grueling as we figured out his belly and worked through loosening a lip tie. My firstborn had a very developmentally normal sleep regression during that time which also contributed to my sleep deprivation. My lowest point was around 3-4am one night when I chipped my tooth from gritting my teeth so hard to keep from screaming back at my screaming newborn.
My OB helped. We upped my meds. I tried coping mechanism. I shared with friends. It helped but the thing that truly healed me? Time. It felt like that was going to be my life forever. It felt like I had ruined my life and my family’s lives by not being able to “do it all”. I had to rearrange my priorities. What matters? What does not? I honed in on my own self care through my skincare routine and obsession with my lumispa and more recently through giving up drinking alcohol.
In the search for a moment of peace and escape from the overstimulation swirling around me I would turn to alcohol. To beer, IPA’s in particular because I could justify it “for my milk supply”. I fully bought into the “if you can find your baby you can feed your baby” mentality and would drink every. single. night. New moms are familiar with the dread of the nighttime and the uncertainty that it would bring. I soothed that fear with alcohol. And abused my sleep in the process which disrupted my already chaotic hormones.
Self care means more than a bubble bath with a glass of wine. Sometimes it’s switching the wine for seltzer. It’s asking for help when you need it. And remembering that all seasons of parenting are temporary, both the good and the bad.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I am a stay-at-home-mom to 2 toddlers ages 2 and 3.5 and a part-time fitness instructor. I share my experience of motherhood and my favorites over on my Instagram page @marygracewhitney where I post about my love of skincare, crafting & fitness. I teach group fitness classes at our local YMCA and offer personalized workouts for people looking to target a specific goal. My style of fitness is classical mat pilates, vinyasa yoga, and athletic circuit training. With skincare I am an affiliate for Nu Skin and enjoy using & sharing the products.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. people pleasing – this sounds weird and normally it’s thought of as a weakness, but I’ve used my people pleasing tendencies to serve others. I want the customer to be fully satisfied no matter what which makes me a good employee. I want peace in the workplace which makes me a good coworker.
2. Creating systems – I’ve learned to be good at processes and building a order of operations in my former corporate life and now I do that in my stay-at-home mom life.
3. Performance anxiety – I was a violinist growing up and would get extremely anxious before performances but I think that exposure therapy helped me learn to channel that fear into energy for my fitness classes now. I still get nervous before I teach but that feeling now fuels me.
What’s been one of your main areas of growth this year?
My last drink of alcohol was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2024. I remember that date because I was so hungover the day before Thanksgiving I didn’t enjoy cooking or preparing for the holiday. I knew something needed to change. I didn’t get fully real with myself then, I said “I’m not drinking right now” or “I’m seeing how long I can go without it”. It wasn’t until this summer that I dared to use the S word…sober.
My brother has 9 years of sobriety. He walks the walk. It wasn’t like I went to rehab or anything…
I didn’t get the opportunity to drink in high school and I thank my parents for sheltering me from the temptations that I clearly couldn’t have withstood. Grove City College my alma mater is a dry campus meaning that there is a zero tolerance policy for alcohol on school grounds, period. I dabbled in social drinking and have some core memories of angry orchard and fireball not going well.
I fell in love with James my freshman year so I had him to protect me and I used that as a ticket to let loose. Even moreso after we got married and moved to Charlotte and I had friends to go out with, money to spend on expensive cocktails, and the security of my husband alongside me. It was fun but in hindsight I think I was overcompensating.
The pandemic did not help my alcohol habits. Working from home the line between happy hour and work hours were blurred. Once I became a mom my drinking habits became more problematic and I can see that now. I was allowing it to control me.
The past 12 months have been transformative. Between sharing my life online more and caring for myself inside and out, I have learned how to give God control of my life again which has given me a greater peace than I’ve ever felt before.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marygracewhitney
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@marygracewhitney1374
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