We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Maryann Rivera-Dannert, MSL, CLC a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Maryann, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
I wish that I could say there was a magic pill for developing one’s confidence and self-esteem. But there isn’t. For me, it started with first realizing that I was not happy with how my life was going. I didn’t know anything else, other than I was not happy, and I knew that I wanted and desired more. I sat with that realization for quite some time. I didn’t have any role models or mentors growing up, so there was no one to discuss my feelings with. I will say that I watched a lot of television, and I started to notice how the women behaved and acted. They asked a lot of questions and were surrounded by other women at their level or ahead of them. I made my next realization shortly after and knew that I had to change those I surrounded myself with. There’s a saying along the lines of – you’re the sum of the five people you hang around with the most! That was an eye-opener.
My realization then turned into acceptance. I accepted my situation and paid close attention to those around me, and I stepped out of my comfort zone for the first time, and I remember asking a colleague of mine if she would be my mentor. We met, and she asked so many questions – I was intrigued and in awe. From there, I started doing the work.
Doing the work is where many people get stuck. They want that magic pill I talked about earlier. The truth is confidence and self-esteem are developed through action – doing the work. Rinse and repeat, over and over again. The more you do something, the more you see accomplishments being achieved, and the more your confidence will be increased. It’s like a muscle… if you want to become toned, you must exercise those muscles. With consistency and repetition, you will see your hard work pay off.
And it’s important to have someone you trust in your corner. Whether that person is a mentor, role model, therapist, or best friend, we all need someone to hold us accountable. There will be times in which something may not work out, or you face a setback, an obstacle to overcome – having that person in your corner will be crucial to you moving forward or staying stuck.
So, how did I develop my confidence and self-esteem: by realizing something was missing, accepting that realization, getting a mentor, and doing the work.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
MRD Empowerment Solutions is the tree, and just like the trees we see in nature with many branches, there are branches to my business.
First, I’m an author. I’ve co-authored 11 books, which range in topics from confidence to sexual trauma to marriage, to overcoming setbacks, to inspiration and transformation. Additionally, I stepped out in faith and became a visionary author, which means I spearheaded the project and brought a group together to share a bit of their story. I’m currently working on volume two of one of the books – In the Pursuit of Fearless Living.
I’m also a certified life coach. My vision is to see women worldwide live a free, fearless, and fabulous life by way of equipping women with strategies to silence their insecurities and build healthy boundaries so they can live the life they deserve and desire. I do one on one group coaching for either three or six months. As a life learner, and to better serve my clients, and continue to expand, I’m a recent MBTI Practitioner, and I have joined the John Maxwell Leadership Certification program. By the way, MBTI stands for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which is a personality preference assessment.
Desiring to reach women worldwide, I created the Fearless Fridays with Maryann podcast, heard in over eight countries. The focus is on having real conversations with the everyday woman, to provide inspiration, empowerment, and transformation. Oftentimes, when we are faced with difficulties or hard decisions, etc., we think we are the only ones; and that no one will understand us. My hope is that when women hear any of the episodes, they will realize they are not alone, and they will garner the tips provided to create change within their lives.
And to wrap up what I do, I’m also a motivational and transformational speaker. Where I share my story in various platforms, workshops, and podcasts to continue the movement of healing, creating change, and transforming lives from the inside out.
I recently hosted my first workshop, and the feedback and takeaways were amazing. I share this because I was once told that my following isn’t big enough to host my own workshop… I allowed those limiting beliefs to keep me stuck for a few years. And as I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting, and seeing where I want my business to go, I decided I need to set the example for women and do what I teach! Step out of your comfort zone and do the darn thing. It was amazing. Coming up, I will be hosting my first retreat this Fall.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Great question! I know that one of my greatest qualities is determination. I don’t give up easy. If I truly want something, although I may hesitate in the beginning, I don’t give up; I will achieve what I set out to do.
I’ve also learned to lean in and ask for help. We don’t know everything, and we can accomplish so much more when we have help. Oftentimes as entrepreneurs, our first go-to’s are our friends and family. However, we become disappointed when they don’t share or support what we are doing. But here’s the thing, your friends and family may not be your ideal avatar; so why would they buy from you? Also, our initiatives, purpose, focus, etc., may not align with what they are doing and quite honestly, they may not want your stuff on their pages. So let it go. Shift your energy towards those that are sharing and investing in you – it’s okay. At the same time, don’t make assumptions. If something is really upsetting you, for whatever reason, reach out to the person and have an honest and open dialogue. Share how you are feeling and why, and then let it go and move on. Turn your focus to your mission and vision.
Lastly, I’m a life-long learner. I’m always looking to learn new things: personally, and professionally. Investing in yourself is a must. Whether it’s purchasing some books, investing in a mentorship program, hiring a coach… or something free like listening to a podcast or watching YouTube videos, investing in yourself must continuously happen for growth and expansion.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
Once upon a time, I dealt with feelings of overwhelm by curling up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and a bag of Doritos, eating the stress away! And then I wondered why nothing was changing.
These days, because of a lot of inner work and growth, I’ve come to know myself – and I listen to my body. Our intuition, especially for women, is always accurate, but we often don’t pay attention to it and ignore it. But with self-reflection, and asking yourself a lot of questions, you start to shift as you become aware. I also have a set of boundaries, and they are non-negotiable. I have “buckets of time” for different areas of my life, and I’m clear on my values. Before taking on a new project, or saying yes to an invitation, I compare that to my “buckets of time”, and my values. Is there an alignment, and benefit to me saying yes? I really take the time to weigh the pros and cons, and I am comfortable saying no, and moving on. I used to say yes to things I honestly had no interest in, but as a recovering people-pleaser, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or let anyone down. However, while I’m saying yes to others, I’m saying no to myself, and the things I really desire to do. One of my previous coaches taught me that saying “no”, is a complete sentence – no explanation needed. That is a tip that I’ve held on to for years!
Some tips that I can offer our readers is to first pause. Give yourself permission to pause and ask yourself where the feeling(s) are coming from. And then ask, why are you feeling this way? Keep asking yourself questions, until you get to the root of the issue. Seeking professional help, like a therapist, is also helpful. There may be an underlying problem you may not be aware of on the surface. Set boundaries for yourself, and if you are resistant to setting boundaries, again, ask yourself why. And lastly, before yes to taking on a project, or accepting an invitation, ask yourself why are you saying yes. Is this something you truly desire to do, or are you afraid of saying no?
Questions are important, so don’t be afraid of asking as many questions as possible until you are clear on your motives.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.maryannriveradannert.com
- Instagram: @maryannriveradannert
- Facebook: facebook.com/TheFearlessLivingCoach
- Other: Podcast: https://fearlessfridayswithmaryann.libsyn.com
