Meet Maryjo Mattea

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Maryjo Mattea a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Maryjo, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I don’t think I received a formal depression diagnosis until I was in my 20s, but knowing what I know now, I’m fairly sure depression is something I’ve been living with since at least my teens. Depression is no joke. I am on medication for it, do talk therapy, and I try to take care of my physical health as well with diet and exercise, but even still, I experience ups and downs. Some days (or weeks) are worse than others. I call these my “down days” or “down phases” (depending how long they last) and have compiled various “tools for my toolbox” (as my therapist says) for how to manage these days. I have four things written down on a post-it note above my desk that I remind myself as often as I can:

1. Remind yourself that this is *temporary*

Having lived with depression for as long as I have, I know that no matter how bad it feels, it will subside. There will be good days that follow. I may not know when or for how long they’ll last, but however badly I am feeling in a particular moment is temporary; I will not feel that way forever.

2. Practice compassion and give yourself a break

I find that no one is as hard on me as I am on myself and the act of “giving myself a break” is quite a big deal and does quite a lot for my overall wellbeing. When I’m having a “down day”, I grant myself permission to not be firing on all cylinders. I reassure myself that it’s okay to not function at 100% all of the time and that if what my brain and body needs in those moments is to crochet on the couch with my dog while binge watching campy TV, that is completely okay! I used to judge myself harshly for such behavior, until my therapist pointed out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with partaking in these or similar activities as coping mechanisms. I’m not using substances or hurting myself or others; these are perfectly healthy strategies for taking care of myself.

3. Activation: just do *something*

On the days when I feel like I am simply incapable of accomplishing anything at all, I try to force myself to just do *something*, even if it is as simple as making the bed or doing a load of laundry . The accomplishment of even a small task always makes me feel at least a little better and often action begets action, meaning it often motivates me to do something else.

4. If you can’t make a decision, flip a coin

Decision paralysis is a symptom I experience during depressive episodes that can be completely immobilizing. My therapist’s recommended strategy for debilitating indecision is to simply flip a coin. For example, if you can’t decide whether to order pizza or Chinese food for dinner, flip a coin. If the result you get leaves you feeling like you wished the result had been different, then you know what you actually want; or if you’re genuinely ambivalent, the coin toss just did the work for you. It seems simple, but it really helps!

These are the strategies that I have found to be the most helpful and I have cognitive-behavioral therapy to thank for them. Everyone is different, but I believe we can all identify tools that will be handy for our respective situations and personalities. Keep in mind that it is helpful to do the work of discovering these tools on the good days; I know I would never have been able to identify these strategies during a “down phase”, but having written them down on good days and placing them in a place I see on a daily basis helps me employ them when I need them.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
At the moment, my biggest focus is finishing up Dear Daria’s forthcoming EP, ‘Solastalgia’. It’s a six-song EP covering a wide array of topics and styles. The two most poppy songs–“Tino” and “Empire” have been big crowd pleasers at our recent shows. These are our nostalgia songs, the former being inspired by a TV show and the latter a movie. The other four, “On the Inside”, “Avalanche”, “Cabin Fever”, and “Making a Dying” are all post-pandemic reflections. “On the Inside” explores how the lockdown-induced depression made even the most simple and mundane of tasks feel daunting and impossible. “Avalanche” is a reaction to the skepticism of science and rejection of truth and fact that proliferated throughout the pandemic and Trump presidency. “Cabin Fever” is a manic, frenzied study of what can happen to people when you keep them cooped up inside by themselves for too long. The first half of the song is a pretty straightforward, but the second half emulates a descent into madness with a gradually escalating sonic backdrop, a spoken word monologue, primal screaming, and guitar distortion and feedback. “Making a Dying” is a somber, but hopeful closer. It asks the listener a simple, but profound question: can we really call it “making a living” if we have to work until we die? And could there perhaps be a different path we could take?

We are in the mixing phase right now and I really can’t wait to share these songs with the world. I am hopeful that they will strike a chord (no pun intended) with people. We all had this shared experience. We all went through it together.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Time management, organization, and good support systems.

When you have a day job with a major scientific organization, play in two different bands, and teach multiple Zumba classes a week, time management is paramount. Be honest with yourself about how long something is likely to take and budget your time accordingly. Make use of productivity tools that will help you keep it all straight and ensure that you are where you need to be when you need to be. These productivity tools will also help you keep your life organized. And surround yourself with people who will prop you up and help you fulfill your dreams; avoid naysayers and Debbie-downer types. Positivity is infectious, so surround yourself with positive people who will support you in whatever it is you’re doing.

To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
I grew up and went to school in Florida, where (at least at the time) the state had a scholarship program called Florida Bright Futures. Through this program, you could get a 100% scholarship and a book allowance to any in-state college. You could also get the equivalent amount of money put toward the costs of any in-state private institution. The requirements for this scholarship were pretty tough, though. It required a certain GPA, SAT score, community service, and you also had to take certain courses.

When I was a junior in high school, I got mono and missed a lot of school. Consequently, I failed pre-calculus. My mother forced me to take the class again my senior year, despite my desperate pleas not to. I was beyond embarrassed to have to repeat a class when all my peers were moving on, but my mother reminded me of the requirement to pass pre-calculus in order to get the scholarship. So I reluctantly re-took pre-calc and passed the second time around.

Similarly, I was about 20 points shy of the SAT score needed for the scholarship and my mom had me enroll in a prep course and sign up to take the test a second time, but my score the second time was WORSE. I was ready to call it a day and settle for the 75% scholarship instead, but she wasn’t having any of that. She forced me to take it a third time and lo and behold, I got the score I needed.

Because of these two things–which at the time I was mortified and livid about–I left college with $0 in student loan debt. I cannot say the same for most everyone else I’ve met in my life, and I have my mother to thank for it. I am so grateful not just for her persistence, but her faith in me that I *could* do it eventually, even if it took an extra try or two.

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Image Credits
All individual photos by Jonny Grave (@jonnygrave) Band photo by Lauren ABH (@lauren_abh)

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