Meet Melanie Bolen

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Melanie Bolen a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Melanie , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

It took time, let’s be honest.
When I was younger I was one of those kids that constantly got teased by other kids – and it was pretty much all due to my looks. As early as elementary school I developed a complex about my looks simply because others felt the need to tear me down for them.
Whether it was my hair, my weight, my skin, my clothes…
It sticks with you.
To this day I still fight negative thoughts & worries of what others may think of me — especially in my industry, which really likes to parade around someone’s looks.

Some of my confidence came from exercise, for sure — because it does have a positive effect on how you feel, and Elle Woods wasn’t wrong when she talked about the effects of endorphins and how those make you feel.

One of the biggest things, though, was to stop putting weight on the opinions of people who don’t even care about me. The truth is, there are always people in life eager to tear us down for one thing or another. On the flip side, though, there are people who want to cheer us on, who want us to win, and who love us exactly as we are. We need to listen to those people more often — in fact, we need to listen to those people all of the time. They are the ones who really matter. Fill your head with those voices.
Once I started doing that, my own outlook on myself started to change a lot.

I also gained confidence through education. The more I learn about any given subject, the more I feel confident in my ability to apply what I’ve learned to my work and my life. The key is to get that knowledge from accredited sources and not just random memes on the internet. I’ve done a lot of education through organizations such as ACE, AFAA, NASM, and ACSM.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I wear many hats in the fitness industry. I began as a group fitness instructor for a class called Turbo Kick, and expanded from there. I’m now a certified personal trainer, functional fitness specialist, yoga instructor, group fitness instructor, and a certified nutrition coach. On top of that I hold speciality certifications in PiYo, BODYPUMP, & P90X as well.

Sometimes it’s crazy to me that this is what I do, because I was the kid who did anything to get out of gym class back in my school days. I wasn’t athletic at all, and I didn’t even take gym class in middle school or high school — yet here I am!

I actually got into fitness after I graduated college. I earned a BFA in Musical Theatre, and during my time earning that degree I learned that the acting profession can be harsh. I was a middle-sized girl (in all honesty I was only a little larger than Renee Zellewenger in Bridget Jones Diary — and that entire movie spent its time making fun of her weight. So in the acting world I was basically what they considered “plump”. Talk about getting a complex from stuff like that!), and there wasn’t much out there for people like me. I had to either gain weight or lose weight to be more cast-able (at least, that’s what they made you think). The industry is changing nowadays, thankfully, but it still has a ways to go.

I decided to try and lose weight at that age, so I got into fitness and had no idea what I was doing and also lacked any bodily awareness or muscle memory. The more I exercised, though, and the more I learned about fitness, the more fun it became and the more fascinated I became with the human body and its abilities.

The longer I remained in the industry, though, the more I started to see how mentally harmful a lot of its messaging can be. Heck, I fell victim to it all of those years ago!

My main focus now in this profession is to try and get people to stop harming themselves in the name of weightloss. The ways that so many people in this industry tell people to lose weight does more harm than good — not just mentally, but also physically. I want people to stop exercising and dieting due to self loathing. I want people to start moving and nourishing due to self love.

I want to show people that you matter and are amazing in any body shape/size, and that this industry shouldn’t only be focused on weightloss, or becoming “swole” (I hate that word). That’s just created a whole lot of self loathing in people over the years, and it makes me really sad. I used to be one of those people who only worked out because I thought I needed to lose weight or look a certain way — and it literally damaged by body and my psyche. I’m much happier now that I exercise to feel good and move better without worry of what a scale tells me.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

A lot of people think that motivation & mindset comes easy to people in the industry (or simply those who go to a gym). If I had to give people three bits of advice regarding health and fitness it’d be the following:

1.) All of our bodies are different — in shape, size, genetics, hormone balances, etc. Anyone trying to sell you a “one size fits all” approach in fitness is just peddling snake oil. That’s not to say what they have isn’t effective, it just simply cannot deliver the exact same results to everyone who follows it, even if they all follow it exactly the same.
On that same note, our abilities will all be different due to those above mentioned things. Look at professional athletes — yes, they work HARD, but the best of the best also generally have some sort of genetic or structural advantage working in their favor helping them to tip the scales even more in their favor.
So, start to become more aware of YOUR body without comparison to someone else’s. Do your best with what you’ve got and never compare yourself to someone else. It’s also not the worst idea to try and learn your family’s medical history to see what you may be genetically prone to (this doesn’t guarantee it’ll be the same for you, but can be good information to have anyways). Also, start to look for people more like you to be motivated by (there are fitness professionals of all shapes and sizes out there now). Oh yeah, and a lot of the images you see in the media have absolutely been altered and touched up, so don’t let those lead you astray.

2.) Patience is absolutely key. The industry is really big on trying to deliver FAST results, because it sells, and they can — but at what cost?
Over exercising (or exercising too intensely without proper balance and rest) will eventually lead to some sort of injury, and then that road leads to osteoarthritis (or other issues) later in life.
On the nutritional front, people try all sorts of fad diets that manipulate the body’s natural energy pathways, or they starve those pathways, and that can be very damaging over time (but that’s a wordy discussion to drop into).
The body will rebound, and it’ll rebound hard. We see it over and over again, but the pressure of “looks” causes people to go into an endless time loop of these things over and over again.
Slow down. Be patient.
If you want to treat your body the best, don’t treat health and fitness as a race with an end. We can’t just workout for a little while to achieve a result and expect that result to last even when we stop. Find a balance that works in your life and your schedule that doesn’t bleed you dry and is easier to keep consist in your life as best you can. On that note, however..

3.) Learn to accept the fluidity of life. We don’t live in a vacuum and neither do our bodies. They are constantly changing on a cellular level. On the outside, our lives are constantly changing simply due to the world around us and our experiences.
Learn that it’s ok to not be “perfect.” Teach your brain that it’s ok to miss workouts or eat differently. That doesn’t make you a “failure” or a “bad person” — it makes you human! Our bodies react to stress in ways we may not realize, so don’t add to those stress levels by beating yourself up. Heck, there are numerous illnesses that are triggered by stress, so why add even more pressure on ourselves than what the outside world already presses upon us?
I spent years fighting this and it didn’t help. I only found myself pretending to be something I wasn’t and harming my body in the process.
Our bodies will gain weight and lose weight on a daily basis. Gaining weight isn’t a reason to punish ourselves, just as losing weight shouldn’t always be praised.
Some weeks we will have plenty of spare time, sometimes we will have no spare time. Just become clear on what your current priorities are and be willing to accept that they will change — and that’s ok!
Accept that fluidity! When we do, we find other reasons to move, eat and live that aren’t simply tied to a number on a scale or chart.

Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?

The number one obstacle or challenge I’m facing right now is literally my own body! When we are younger we assume ourselves indestructible — many of us do, at least. In my early fitness days I did the intense HIIT training, contact kickboxing, and other higher intensity/impact exercises. I also ran myself into the ground with lack of sleep on many occasions, and I overloaded myself at time, physically.

Keeping the body under constant stress without a chance for recovery will eventually catch up to you in one way or another. I got hit with a variety of things.

The first one started around the age of 31, when I suddenly started feeling really tired all the time. The amount of exercise I was doing had to be pulled back, but I still felt as though I was never recovering. It was discovered at that time that I had Epstein-Barr virus, and once that was testing negative they re-tested my thyroid, since those numbers were off too. It turns out I had an autoimmune disease — Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. Later on I discovered that I had Raynaud’s and Costochondritis (inflammation of the rib cage cartilage). What a lovely bouquet of diagnosis!

The thing with autoimmune diseases is that they all ebb and flow in regards to intensity, and they all can have overlapping symptoms. I eventually got my thyroid levels and antibodies regulated via medication, but my body still reacts so much differently to stress to this day. I need to make sleep a priority and I had to cut back on the intensity level of my workouts. When I have an autoimmune flare I get terrible brain fog, I lose my words sometimes, my whole body aches, and I’m just exhausted. When I manage my stress levels, I can do my best to keep these flares to a minimum.

On top of my diagnosed autoimmune conditions, I’m suspected of having Fibromyalgia due to some of the muscular and connective tissue pain I experience during flare ups. I still need to do a follow-up for that with my doctor.

I also have osteoarthritis in my right shoulder and hip as well. My right hip is the worst, and it also has an impingement which limits my range of motion (due to the bones not being the correct shape for the ball and socket to move correctly) and can cause pain.
Oh yeah, and life long scoliosis to boot!

It makes me sound like I’m a mess! Hah!

So, how do I overcome all of this? Some of it is simply due to age, some is due to past injuries or overuse of my joints (I’m looking at you, former high impact fitness routine!), and some is just my body deciding to revolt against itself (hello, autoimmune conditions).
Some people may tell me to just stop exercising, but the rub is that I am in more pain when I’m not moving. So I find ways to keep moving.

I overcome all of these challenges and limitations by acknowledging them and doing what I can to prevent pain and flare-ups. This has come in the form of humility, a lot. It’s easy to dwell on the “I used to be able tos,” vs the, “look at what I CAN dos,” but I do my best to focus on the CAN dos! Because I still can do quite a few awesome things in this 44 year old body.

– I make sleep more of a priority in my life by far! 8 hours per night minimum, if I can — and I let myself take a nap if/when my body tells me it needs it, if it’ll fit into my schedule.

– My fitness routine has changed. I now focus on lower impact (which doesn’t mean easy, and I’d love to prove that to you, hah) exercises. I do yoga very frequently (and teach it), I love Pilates, I lift weights to keep my bones and muscles strong, and I stopped doing any sort of cardio or strength training that has overly repetitive motion in the same direction on the same joint for long periods of time (things like biking and jogging — and I had to stop teaching BODYPUMP, even though I really enjoyed that class). When I do cardio, I do lower impact, smaller bursts, and I make sure to move my body in all directions (or planes of motion, if you want to get technical). I do miss kickboxing, though. I also don’t skip rest days — in fact, I take more of them now!

– I’ve set boundaries in regards to stress triggers in real life. This has come in the form of adjusting my work load as I can (and leaving one toxic work environment I was in), cutting out people that make my stress levels go up, not consuming any media online that will make me angry or sad, saying “no” to things when I get overwhelmed, but also focusing on investing myself into things that bring me joy. Basically, I aim to avoid drama and find happiness as much as I can.

– I’m seeing specialists when needed to helped me manage my pain levels. They’ve come in the form of physical therapists, doctors, and other trainers… and I aim to get back into acupuncture again since it helped my shoulder nearly a decade ago when I had an injury. I’m doing my best to avoid surgery and pain killers, and so far it’s going alright! Sometimes you need to take a knee and know when to ask someone who knows more than you for help.

– Lastly, I stopped stressing about food. Heavy dieting/restricting (especially yo-yoing) can be incredibly stressful on the body — so I just stopped doing all of that. I started paying closer attention to what makes me feel good vs. what makes me feel bad. I eat less of the feel bad foods (and I’m not talking mentally, as in guilt, I mean stuff that makes me physically feel bad or have an autoimmune flare up), and I eat more of the feel good foods (things that give me better brain clarity, physical energy, and don’t exacerbate my pain levels).
By doing this, I’ve found that my hunger cues and cravings have sort of reset, and it’s a lovely feeling to actually WANT a salad vs. eating something like that because I feel like I’m “supposed to.” But I also regularly have a box of cookies that’ll exist in my house for month vs. disappear in a single night (because I know that’ll make my stomach not feel great to do that). Mind you, it took nearly two years for this lovely homeostasis to find its way into my life. When I earned my certified nutrition coach credentials, it vastly changed how I looked and food and made me cringe a little bit at how I’d been treating food for so many years (both for myself and in my suggestions to others).

At the end of the day, there’s only one other option to aging — so I’d prefer to continue aging. We can fight it all we want, but I’ve found it better to lean in and baby it a bit. I’m gentler and more forgiving with myself. This has also helped me be a better trainer and honor any limitations or preferences my clients and students have. People just want to be seen and heart and met where they are at most of the time. Thats the best starting ground for almost anything in life, really.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://linktr.ee/geekyfit
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geekyfit
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/geekyfit
• Other: I’m just attaching my LinkTree as my website for now, since I’m working on getting an updated website at the moment. The link to it will end up on my Linktree when it’s ready.

Image Credits

Cameron Rice Photography
Jenn Spain Photography