Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Melissa Adair. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Melissa, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we know how words to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome. Gotta love those two words that nearly all creatives struggle with feeling.
Honestly, imposter syndrome was not something I went into my business even thinking about or concerning myself with. Ironically, it creeps in a bit here and there I feel as you progress in growing your business. That is where it began showing up for me. It was found in those projects that perhaps pushed me out of my comfort zone or challenged me to produce at a higher level. Was I good enough? Why would they possibly choose me to work with or design this massive remodel? I am only going to fail…who am I kidding.
We can only learn so much in books and could have all the knowledge in the world; yet, the ones that truly prepare you are the hands on projects or those where mistakes are made. As my interior design business grew there was this drive to connect with others in my field. I couldn’t possibly be the only one puzzled at how to price my services or researching sales and use tax for designers. Not to mention, sleepless nights playing over and over in my head why that client was so insanely harsh or inpatient with me. It had to be me. I had to be doing something wrong. I may as well throw in the towel because I will never be good enough.
Than I met Mechelle. As an interior stylist and fellow Boss Babe we instantly clicked over a local Chamber meeting. Shortly after our initial meeting we set a day and time for a lunch meeting. Excited would be an understatement! We complimented each other so well…she loves furniture and decor and I absolutely despise it….give me my kitchens and bathrooms all day long. During our meeting we both had so many questions as we shared our trials and tribulations; our moments of proudness; the multiple things we stress over, and there it was “imposter syndrome”. What? This poised and well put together woman sitting in front of me struggled with imposter syndrome too. How could that be possible? The answer was simple. No matter how good we may be at what we do we will always question ourselves and our talent.
Since meeting Mechelle, I have gone on to connect with several other designers, decorators, and retail owners. We are currently setting group meetings to share what works for us in the field; as well as, the things we struggle with within this business of design. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses; so why not bring together a group that truly understands what your day can look like. I am often asked, “but isn’t so and so your competition?” My answer is always a no. These individuals are my support, my colleagues, my joy, and my friends. By having the mindset of “Collaboration over Competition” I have found that the imposter syndrome melts away little by little each day. In talking to these women I realized we ALL struggle with it and question if we are good enough to actually pull this off. I am not alone. We are not alone. Lean on each other and ask those questions because I guarantee you are not alone in those thoughts.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am the owner and principal designer of Southern Sass Interiors & More; as well as, the co-founder of All Things Kitchen & Bath.
I am going into my fifth year of having my design studio; which specializes in kitchen and bath design and whole home renovations. The past two years have been a whirlwind of events filled with both personal and business growth. I went through a divorce, eventually found love again, brought on two design assistants, and am currently opening a kitchen and bath showroom in Ybor City. It has been interesting learning how to manage others and feeling confident enough to lead. As much as I am teaching my assistants they are also teaching me in this new role. Retail is a whole different ball game y’all! I have had anxiety, sleepless nights, panic attacks, and days were I could not stop smiling because it was so amazing. I never knew it was possible to have all those emotions in a 24-hour day, but just try opening a retail store.
My partner in the showroom is also my boyfriend…yeah just ignored that whole “mixing business with pleasure thing!” LOL. We butt heads and he doesn’t do things the way I do; but we create beautiful designs together and he often finds solutions where I may not. Not to mention, he is also a contractor so the two fields just sorta go together. We wanted to bring to Ybor City a boutique luxury showroom that blends the historical side of our 1903 building with the modern skylines of Tampa Bay. By carrying everything from cabinetry, to tile and flooring, to mosaics, and stone we offer a one-stop shop. A place where other designers and contractors could utilize a conference room while having a dedicated assistant during client meetings. Charcuterie and mimosas anyone? We will provide you and your clients with an elevated experience like no other. With a full working kitchen display we intend on offering local networking and community events with prepared food. It will be next level not only for us in our business, but hopefully for Ybor as well.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I highly recommend in-person networking. People are going to refer who they know, like, and trust. You can’t buy that sort of advertising.
-Don’t be shy. Say hello and make the cold calls to that dream referral partner. And if at first you don’t succeed…follow up. All they can say is no. LOL.
-“Givers Gain” yes you want people to help you, but change your mindset to how can you help them or their business. Show a genuine interest in others and what they do. People do remember that and it will come back to you.
-Social media…learn to love it and put yourself out there. When I finally realized not everything had to look perfect and be more “real” my audience grew. People don’t like fake.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
As I stated, I went through a divorce and left a 15-year marriage. Although, I was the one that made the choice to leave there were still feelings of anger, sadness, pain, and heartbreak. I was broken. I remember vividly the day it changed for me and forgiveness started to dissipate the anger and pain.
We were on a ZOOM call with our respective attorneys and were attempting to reach a settlement with the mediator in lieu of court. It was not going well. We ended the meeting at an impasse and court would be next for us. I sat in silence and darkness for hours after that call crying uncontrollably. I began thinking of our son…my boy that never asked for or wanted his parents to divorce. After all, it was a shock to him as we always shielded him from the fighting and resentment. He only knew love. If there was one thing I never questioned we did right, it was him. My ex and I may have failed each other, but we didn’t have to fail our son. Why did our divorce have to be so ugly? He never abused me, he was an amazing father, and always provided for us. We divorced simply because we grew apart and each wanted something different out of life. And I realize how blessed I am to have not had any major reasons that brought the divorce. It is very clear to me not many are so lucky. As I sat there in the dark thinking of our son I reached for the phone and found myself dialing his number.
We spoke honestly with one another that day. No attorneys. No mediator. No judge. Just two people who gave their hearts to one another 15 years earlier. We agreed that by hurting each other we were ultimately hurting our son. Prolonging the fighting would only breed more hurt and anger. We both gave a little and while neither one of us personally came out on top; our son still has parents that can be in the same room together. Ironically, by stepping away from our marriage it has allowed us both to see the good in one another again. Do I still roll my eyes at him sometimes? Sure do. Yet, I can sit down with my son, my ex-husband, and my now boyfriend at a restaurant to celebrate our son’s birthday. And we laugh together. If that isn’t growth…I am not quite certain what is.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.southernsassinteriors.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/southern_sass_interiors/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SouthernSassInteriors
- Other: www.allthingskitchenandbathtampa.com https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090398121821 https://www.instagram.com/all_things_kitchen_bath/
Image Credits
Made of Gold Media Lilla Bordas Portraits
