We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Michelle Marks a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for joining us and opening up about the very personal topic of divorce. So many in the community are going through or have gone through divorce and we think hearing about how others dealt with the aftermath and managed to build a vibrant, successful life and career despite the trauma of divorce can be helpful to many who might be feeling a degree of hopelessness. So, maybe you can talk to us about how you overcame divorce?
How did I overcome divorce? It is a hard question but there was the time that I felt kicked to the ground and then I start to believe everything happens for a reason, it is trying to find that reason. Ten years of being divorced I have learned during these hard times it calls for even more self care than ever. I learned we really, really need connection and relationships. I learned we really need to prioritize our days and to-do’s and live intentionally. I truly always believe Rosy days are ahead so if we can just serve + connect + establish relationships it will be a little easier. Ten years ago I was a baggage of abandonment. My marriage had ended. He was gone and I had three boys to be present for. Hatred, that word never impede my consciousness. I was beyond hatred, I was broken and deceived, I was beyond hate. It kicked me to the floor when neither one of our strengths could pull me up. He left me lying there with a thousand pounds on my heart. Is it memories that defer us to a certain feeling? Do we remember it different? Reality and fiction don’t live in the same plane. Do we mess it up until we get it right? It’s a loop. Divorce brings you back to the same times and makes you question everything. Same moments. Different lives but the same mistakes. Could I have saved him or give him more time to make it right? I know they say time is always the healer but I truly believe time can not change the past. The past is what happened and no matter how many times I have tried to forget and forgive I just can’t. What I can do is move on with my kids and my current partner of almost 9 years. I know how lucky I am to find love again. What this relationship has truly done is make me grateful for the past. My ex and I had our time and it was not all bad. We meet at Freshman orientation in college. I knew immediately I was going to marry him one day. I did and got three beautiful boys and memories for a lifetime. It is still hard to say I am a survivor of domestic violence, cheating husband and abandonment. Would I go back and change it…it is too hard to say yes. It is what what was suppose to happen. Developing trust in anyone is hard for me and I struggle with fear of being left. Is it fair? No. Divorce is not fair. It is not fair to the kids or either spouse involved. Delaying or staying was not an option. Making the decision to get a divorce is never something anyone enters a marriage with. I could not tell you that almost everyday after ten years I don’t think about the change that had to occur in life. I had to give up my best friend, my protector, and the man I truly loved for almost Twenty years. We were at complete destruction of our marriage and stepping away was the only option. Being able to actually believe that now is how I overcome. Overcoming the end of my marriage will never be complete. I will always hurt, my kids will always hurt but it is great to be able to smile now knowing I am giving my kids and myself everything we deserve. Having their dad back in their life in the last few years is something to be so grateful for. My ex and I will overcome the divorce in our own way but I am optimistic that brighter days will continue to be in store for everyone.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am so excited to say I have finally been able to earn a full time living from my creative work. I would say this is not the first time in my years of being a Stationery Designer but I truly believe that this is the first time I feel comfortable and secure in my business. I have always been in the creative business from when I was in college. I loved planning parties and hosting friends or family. I always put a creative spin on each event no matter the occasion. I went on to put my creative ambitions in catering and wedding/party planning. Having a family made those times of working weekends not possible so I bought a Wedding Invitation business 18 years ago. Designing Wedding Invitations instantly became a giant passion of mine. We started to include other Party Invitations and the creative juices really started flowing. I was also really lucky to hire some great designers who were looking to make a living from creative work. We went on to design some invitations I am really proud of and still admire. Unfortunately, the purchasing of invitations online changed our business quickly. That is when I decided to design Greeting Cards, Mugs and believe it or not Stamped Handkerchiefs. Well, lucky me, the Greeting Cards were admired. So naturally next it was stickers. Many of my friends and family call me “The Sticker Queen” now but I have also added notepads and art prints. I am so lucky as a creative designer because of of the marvelous Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Dolly Parton, etc. who inspire me to make designs. Retailers are having trouble keeping them on their shelves. I never regret the time it took me to get this secure in my design accomplishments because it was the beginning of designing wedding invitations that pushed me into opening my mind to design more. I am also always working on the new design ideas, from embroidered bandanas to hats. Who knows what is next for my design process and the future of the company but hopefully the success never leaves. I want to always be able to design something for everyone. Put a smile on someone’s face, remind them of a special time or just let out a good laugh.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The three qualities that have been most impactful on my business journey is; determination, defeat and honesty. Determination is never easy and trying to stay positive owning your own business can be hard. There are so many ups and downs. I really try to focus on the positive. Doing a happy dance when my customers are happy or I hear how well my designs are being recognized. With all the positive defeat still comes. I wish I could count on my fingers how many times I have been defeated, however is a huge part of my business. Designing for other people and not getting any praise is a hard to swallow. The good news I never feel like the the feeling of defeat last very long but it is also because I won’t let my self be defeated. I have not had an easy personal life so being able to not let defeat break me is something I am lucky to obtain. Honesty is always the tricky one when you are running your business. It is hard to be honest with yourself. Keeping honesty with the dedication to your business is never easy. Going back to defeat, it is hard to be honest with yourself when you are defeated. Being honest to yourself about your fails will only help overcome the defeat and let you run with determination.
Looking back over the past 12 months or so, what do you think has been your biggest area of improvement or growth?
The biggest area of growth for me in the last 12 months was to give 100% to my business. As a result of doing that my business has grown by 116%. I finally came confident in my designs and got over the fear of putting myself out there and not letting my doubts take over. I have had some fails. Let’s face it not everyone is going to love all my designs. It is about moving on and hoping the next design is better received.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.invitingaffairspaperie.com/ www.popshopatx.com
- Instagram: invtingaffairspaperie/ PopShop ATX
- Facebook: invitingaffairspaperie/ PopShopATX
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-marks-8401391b/
