Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Miriam Dorsett. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Miriam, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
When I think about that question I think about the phrase “fake it till you make it!” which I’ve heard many times throughout my life. Mentors and colleagues have said it to me, men and women alike. I’ve even said it to myself, to friends, mentees and associates. But at some point in my founder journey I came to a realization about what a load of bull it is! Especially from the entrepreneur perspective. I had to shift my mindset around fake it until you make it to overcome my imposter syndrome.
I have stopped using the phrase completely for 6 reasons:
1. I realized I was not fooling anyone
Have you ever felt that someone wasn’t being true to themselves? Your instincts, sensing something is wrong. We all have it, whether we choose to listen to our intuition or not. If you can listen to your body, it will tell you when something about a situation or a person is off. Honing this skill is important as a founder.
When you’re faking it, people can tell. Worst of all, when I say you’re not fooling anyone, that includes yourself. By adopting the mindset that you are faking it, that is what you end up believing. Which brings me to my next point.
2. When you fake it until you make it, you lose faith in yourself.
When you adopt the mindset that you are faking it, how will you ever know when you’ve actually made it? That it’s finally time to stop the act and be who you truly are? Sounds difficult. Who knows if you will ever come out of the faking it haze? It’s no wonder depression rates are so high among entrepreneurs. Everyone is walking around feeling fake all the time! Think about it, if you’ve been telling yourself for years that you’re a fake, one day are going to wake up thinking, “what the heck? My whole life is a lie.”
My mother never lied to me and my siblings growing up. Even when I asked them if Santa was real, they told me no, but not to tell my friends at school! They taught me the reality and beauty of honesty and harsh truths. Over time I’ve come to believe that it is best to treat these harsh truths like a bandaid, just rip it off as quickly and as softly as possible. What that looks like related to imposter syndrome is living your life in truth, stand up as who you are as much as possible, and giving yourself grace. After all you only have one life to live, which leads me to the number three.
3. When you fake it until you make it you miss out on the human experience.
Trust me; there is no better feeling than standing in your truth as who you are and being accepted. Being proud of how far you’ve come, what you’ve accomplished, and what you plan on doing next is a powerful experience. Also: It is totally fine to have goals that you haven’t achieved yet.
If no one has ever told you this I am here telling you now: just because others have done things that you have not yet done, doesn’t mean that your opinion or experience does not have value. Again. Just because others have done things that you have not yet done, doesn’t mean that your opinion or experience does not have value. It does not mean that you shouldn’t get paid properly, or work at a company that values mutual respect.
BLOOM BABY.
Bloom whether others water you or not. Remember all those people I mentioned in point number one that can smell your fakeness? Those are the same people that will sense that you are being authentic. They will gravitate to you. You will find the acceptance and understanding that you seek. Your community is out there.
One of my favorite quotes is: “Your most embarrassing moments should always be considered your best moments.” — Alex Buckley
I love it because when you have something embarrassing happen, that is you! That is genuine you. Of course, your glowing moments are you too, but being human is not about being perfect. It’s about being vulnerable, making mistakes, learning, growing, and letting others help you. Which brings me to my next point.
4. Faking it until you make it holds you back.
One of the reasons one fakes it along the journey is so that others will look at them and believe in them. On the other hand, one of the most common asks in my entrepreneur circles is for mentors. Entrepreneurs young and old want mentors. We look at other successful entrepreneurs’ journeys, learning from their mistakes, and modeling their methods.
However, your mentor can only help, guide, and support you properly if they know what your areas of development are. If you’re out there being “perfectly” fake, you appear to not need any help! It is in direct conflict. Getting feedback from your peers and consumers is a critical step to leveling up, and you’re holding yourself back from getting there by faking it and pretending you are “all good.” Which brings me to my next point.
5. Faking it until you make it messes with our ecosystem.
The compounded result of decades of a lot of people faking it is bad. At scale. Cases in point: Theranos, WeWork, and one of the worst of them all, Wall Street 2018.When you zoom out, masses of people faking it on an individual level looks like a distrustful culture, transparency issues and a lack or breakdown of communication in our society.
This further results in a destructive cycle of fear based lifestyle, bad financial decisions, hoarding of resources, a competition mentality versus collaboration mentality, and brands going out of business. Which means unemployment, lack of employee retention pushing more people who really aren’t a good fit for entrepreneurship trying it out vs getting another job. Faking it all the way, and the cycle continually expands. It’s not sustainable. It’s a sickness, leading me to my last important point.
6. It’s bad for your mental health.
Being an entrepreneur these days is a lot of pressure. It’s the latest flashy career choice. Thought leaders, tech unicorns, and T.V. have made it look like a glamorous insta-ready life, and it can be extremely exhilarating and fulfilling. But the truth is that life by itself is messy, and life as an entrepreneur is incredibly challenging with high risk to go along with the potentially high reward.
Believing in yourself is key to your success and it keeps you motivated throughout the ups and downs. That is one of the reasons that people say “fake it until you make it.” But a better mindset to adopt is that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you need to be doing. You are doing it, not faking it. Believe that, stay humble and allow yourself to develop as a person. Most of all enjoy the journey.
To get over my imposter syndrome I asked myself these questions: Did you wake up today? Did you show up? Did you do something to advance your brand, business, or self? Perhaps you learned something new. The answer is always yes to one of these. That allowed me to shift my mindset to congratulations! I am not faking it. I am doing it.
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The above has been modified from an article Miriam wrote and published linked below:
https://mdorsettnow.medium.com/are-you-guilty-of-this-b03ff512a691
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I’m an artist, and serial entrepreneur passionate about art, community, technology and sustainability. I’ve published multiple books, activated and built communities across the United States, and love connection. My latest project is bff tahoe, a boutique that opened mid-April in South Lake Tahoe CA that offers eclectic one-of-a-kind shopping along with a vibrant gathering place for locals and visitors.
The shop offers local and international art, handmade goods, wellness products, books, gifts, and housewares, among other items. bff tahoe will also offer a clothing swap to inspire sustainable fashion and community trading, and is the retail flagship for Bootstrap Publications, my publishing house.
The shop seeks to be a community hub with a wide range of events, including non-alcoholic beverage tastings, workshops, readings, and crafting sessions for families, artists, entrepreneurs, and writers.
It’s a place where we can celebrate artists, support wellness education, and build a strong sense of belonging. Our goal is to provide a space where creativity can flourish, families can bond, and people can come together to share knowledge and experience. Whether you’re looking for a unique gift, a creative outlet, or a space to connect, bff tahoe has something for everyone. If you are not local to the area, our website www.bfftahoe.com will be available to all 24/7.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Slowing down. You may feel like there is a sense of urgency to everything but that is inaccurate. I say to my team we are blessed to not be in an operating room, or out on a battle field. Our work is important but lives are not at stake. Thankfully, no one is going to die if we miss a deadline or there is a spelling error in an email. If we feel that someone is putting that type of pressure on us – that’s a great indicator that we are not in alignment to work together. Slowing down helps you make better decisions and you’ll end up working with others that have similar values which makes everything easier and more fun!
Building a team. Delegation, documentation of your processes, training and trusting others is key to growth and work life balance. I’m grateful to be partnering with Natasha Chavez on the bff tahoe project. She is an amazing co owner and brings everything that is needed to the table! I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for my team. My team includes not only the people I work with but my family, close friends, healers, accountant, legal advisors etc. It is never to early to start assembling and building relationships with key people you need to grow and sustain yourself and your business.
Have faith. Know that everything is working out for you. For me trusting God and believing that what is meant to be will be is key and a skill you develop. Growing in my relationship with God has had a direct impact in my personal and professional journey. It is a life long “to do”. When you have faith you begin to see that a no is not a bad thing, redirection is ok, and you just go with what shows up and it works out. Be happy day to day and show love.
Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?
My number one champion and teacher is God. God has helped me to overcome every challenge that has come my way. God has taught me discernment, patience and so much more. God is always by my side so I am never alone. Having a relationship with God puts everything into perspective and makes me feel a part of something bigger then myself. Throughout my life I have “overcome” a lot. Growing up poor, homeless several times, multiple failed businesses and relationships, being assaulted to name a few. When I share those parts of my story with people they often say “you are so strong” but that is only half the truth. The full truth is that I am deeply loved. I am loved by my family, community and by God and that is my true strength. It is the only way that I have been able to get through life’s challenges. I am not strong, love is my strength. I am loved. I am love, and when I win, we all win.
At the end of the day, just like my first book The Lion and The Elephants teaches, life is a journey, it’s your story, and you get to choose how you feel about it. I’m just out here creating and living my story, letting God guide me! That feels like a success!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.bfftahoe.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bfftahoe
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/miriamdorsettnow
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/miriamdorsett/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8_vtYNleWT1o6TuFLkj1_Q
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
