We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Moira Brennen. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Moira below.
Moira, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hopes that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
December, 2018 is the last time I remember being at peace. It was Christmas; we were pregnant with our third child and had just taken in two adorable kittens. Despite this peace, I still had an aching feeling that something wasn’t right.
That February I would discover the truth behind the sinking feeling. On Valentine’s Day of 2019, we went in for a 3D ultrasound and the doctors spoke the words “not viable for life”. So began the spiral downward.
There were good moments littered with uncertainty, sadness, and confusion. At this time, I leaned heavy into my faith. Not the “everything happens for a reason” or “God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle” kind of faith because that just puts the blame on me and there was no blame to be had in this situation. But the “please give me the moments that I need” and “let me live through this” kind of faith. I knew that the type of miracle that most people were praying for when they heard the news was not possible. I just needed some time, and to survive all this.
The next four months were spent preparing for the worst while simultaneously wearing a happy face. “Congratulations on the baby!” “You must be so excited!” Luckily my daughter, who was 4 at the time, had the courage to shut it down: “He’s going to die”. If only we could all be that comfortable with death and dying.
On June 14, 2019, our son was born. Alive for 16 hours and gone in seconds. It was here when the real work began.
* * * *
Postpartum hormones coupled with the grief over the loss of my son threw me for a loop. I had never had a panic attack before, and in a library of all places. Over the course of the next couple years, I learned that it helps to name the emotion or feeling: this is anxiety. “Hello, anxiety, nice to meet you.” Actually, I lied. It’s not nice to meet you at all. But meeting it, and recognizing where it comes from can really help.
Sleep was, and still is, one of my best coping skills. The first couple months were spent doing bare minimum, just trying to get by. And recognizing that is OK, more than OK, was crucial in getting through my depression.
I had a support system of people who I could trust and rely on to stand up for me when well-meaning people say stupid things in an attempt to make me (aka themselves) feel better. I also realized that I needed to medicate so I could be there for the kids and husband that I still have.
Finally, crying is surprisingly cathartic. Could be just the act of letting go, being uninhibited. If you feel like crying, or screaming, do it!
Some days I still cry. Some days all I can do is sleep. Sometimes I have to name my emotion and sit with it for a while. And some days, most days, are good.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I’m lucky enough to have found an amazing and supportive pottery studio in Kirkwood that I’ve been able to call my creative home for the past seven years. There, I have really developed my skills as a potter and discovered what really makes me excited when creating art. I currently enjoy creating all things tentacles as well as experimenting with the Raku process. Each piece is unique, tells it’s own story, and has it’s own little life. I chose to call my pottery business “Hello Splendor” because I love when people come into my booth at an art fair and their faces light up when they see something I have poured my soul into. It’s like saying, “hello, I see you. Here’s something fun to brighten your day”. I love being able to share my knowledge and know that other people are enjoying it, too.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Realizing I don’t have to do it all for everyone all of the time is a huge skill that I’ve had to cultivate during my life. It’s impossible to help everyone while keeping yourself afloat. Finding a balance is incredibly difficult and takes practice. Find what’s important to you. Prioritize. Some things will have to give, and it doesn’t always have to be you.
There’s a whole culture of “filling up your cup”. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This implies that the only reason to take breaks or have “me time” is so you can go back out there and fill everyone else’s cup. Take the break for YOU.
Trust your instincts, and learn to stand up for them. You got this!
As far as developing these or improving upon these skills, it’s good to have a support system to help when you are feeling like you just can’t anymore. Those days will happen.
We’ve all got limited resources, time, energy, focus etc – so if you had to choose between going all in on your strengths or working on areas where you aren’t as strong, what would you choose?
You can go all-in on your strengths but they weren’t always your strengths. At one point, you likely struggled with them. In college, I took a pottery class. I wasn’t very good, even the teacher commented as such, so I chose a different major. Years later, I decided to try again. I was able to build upon the skills I had learned in my major to finally pick up pottery. And still to this day, I’m learning new skills. Lean on your strengths. Use them to improve upon what you view as a weakness. As previously mentioned, you can’t possibly be good at everything. It’s up to you to choose which qualities or skills you find important and necessary in your daily life.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.hellosplendorpottery.com
- Instagram: @hellosplendoratl
Image Credits
Jamie Tucker Moira Brennen
