Meet Nemi Brooks

We recently connected with Nemi Brooks and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Nemi, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

Growing up, I experienced a lot of bullying and harsh criticism from my peers and even mentors over my looks. I was a foot taller than my classmates in elementary and middle school, with some persistent baby fat and a large personality that didn’t help my issue of literally “fitting in.” I felt simply too big for many years, and in response to that, I tried to shrink myself down in any way I could, both physically and socially. I remember being told in fourth grade by a boy I had a crush on that I “stuck out like a 200-pound stick in the mud” (thanks Braden). If I laughed too loud, I felt painfully annoying, if I told a joke that didn’t land, I didn’t want to speak again for the rest of the day. I wanted to hide any part of myself that could be judged in any negative way at any cost.

I remember the way I was perceived and treated socially radically changed whenever I went through puberty before the seventh grade. Over the course of one summer, my body completely changed, and suddenly, people started noticing me in a positive way for the first time. Now I wasn’t “a giant,” I was a model. But this sudden shift in the way people looked at me also created a new set of issues. I went from being bullied for being unattractive to being bullied for being attractive, being called many sexist derogatory terms before I even had my first kiss. I also now had new standards to uphold and maintain, a size 0 to hold onto for dear life. I struggled with disordered eating for many years and had crippling anxiety and panic attacks throughout high school, even after I started getting some success in the industry as a teenager. The external validation boosted my confidence in a shallow way for short bursts of time, but it did not truly build my self-esteem. By the time I moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting and modeling full-time on my 18th birthday, my social anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms were at a record high. I forgot how to make friends, how to put myself out there, and how to be myself. I lost sight of who that was, and put all my efforts towards criticizing myself instead, thinking if I followed the examples shown to me growing up that I could “tough love” myself into success. This just resulted in me becoming my own worst enemy.

To love yourself is to provide yourself with a safe space to fall back on. Unconditional friendship, unrelenting allyship. A phrase that is often said but that I have truly internalized and remind myself regularly is “treat yourself how you would treat your best friend.” Why has it always been so much easier for me and many others to be kind, understanding, forgiving, and non-judgmental toward a friend, or even a stranger, than we are toward ourselves? Some of the things I used to say to myself daily I cannot even begin to imagine saying to someone else. What have I done that is so awful to deserve such cruelty; to be verbally abused and physically punished by myself (and the people I once allowed to be close to me)?

It is a betrayal of the deepest kind to treat yourself this way. Now, whenever I find those intrusive, negative, self-loathing thoughts creeping up, I call myself out, like “hey, don’t talk to my friend like that,” or “is that something we deserve to hear right now?” It may sound silly or inconsequential, but I just stand up for myself in the way I wish someone had when I was young. I defend the younger version of myself inside that didn’t deserve that treatment then, and does not deserve it now, especially from me.

It has taken some years of dedication to this practice, therapy, and identifying where these types of thoughts and behaviors originated to have gotten to the place I am now, which is a place of true devotion to myself. I can say it with my whole chest now, I love myself. I really do. I CARE about myself, I care about my well-being, I care about my future, I care about my health. I am gentle and consistent with myself. I do not accept abuse from other people anymore. I do actual tangible things as often as I can that make me respect and admire myself. Building a self-esteem from scratch as a young adult is not an easy feat, but it is the most worthwhile thing anyone can commit themselves to doing. You only have one life, so why spend it hating yourself? That seems a tragic waste to me.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

What I do is create art! I am an actor, model, visual artist (sketch, painting, sculpture, pyrography), baker, and writer. I feel as though I oscillate between my different mediums based on where my inspiration lies at any given time, but I am almost always creating something. If I am not creating something, I am recharging in order to get back to creating something. It is my calling and the only thing that feels consistently true to me.

This coming year, I have big plans to go back to school for oil painting and literature. I always loved being in school and learning new things, so I really can’t wait for this next endeavor. All my artistic mediums I have practiced thus far have been largely self-taught, so I think it is time for some classical training to take my work to the next level.

I also intend on releasing a collection of my own poetry in the next few months. I have always wanted to publish my own book, and this feels like the perfect first release.

I am also excited about some film projects I have had the pleasure of being a part of this year that are soon-to-be released (or soon-to-be-filmed), but I am unable to share too many details on that at this time.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

I would say that the three most personally valuable qualities or skills that I possess are my empathy, my resilience, and my detail-oriented nature.

I think that empathy and compassion are some of the most important traits that anyone can have. I do not think this is in any way a sign of weakness. These qualities have always been something that I appreciate in myself and that have led to the most meaningful connections and experiences of my life. Also, as an actor, it obviously helps. Without empathy, there would be no truly good acting. My compassionate nature also majorly contributes to my artwork and poetry. You must nurture your artworks to see them blossom and bloom. You must spend meaningful time with them, take care of them.

If I lacked resilience and an almost childlike belief in my dreams coming true, I would have given up a long time ago. This journey has not been smooth-sailing, and it does get truly difficult at times to keep the faith, but I simply refuse to accept that things won’t work out for me. I am resilient in that fact. I will not settle for less than my dreams being absolutely fulfilled, even if it takes a lifetime. I can’t imagine there would be anything else worth striving toward, and what else am I going to do? Give up and settle for a life I don’t want?

Finally, I think my detail-oriented nature is also an asset I possess that has been invaluable to me. I notice small things that make a big difference, whether that be in baking/cake decorating, realistic painting, or acting and modeling work, and I think it sets me apart. I can achieve things especially visually that I would not be able to otherwise. While this can easily bleed into perfectionism and sometimes slow me down, I believe I am cognizant enough of this fact that I know now when to lean into the details, and when to let them go/let things flow out naturally. It is something I am still working on, but grateful for nonetheless.

The best advice I could offer to folks who are early in their journeys is to trust yourself and follow your instincts. Don’t allow fear of judgement to dictate the choices you make or influence you to stray from who you truly are. Value your own morals, don’t betray yourself, and be patient. It will pay off.

One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?

I am always looking for people to collaborate with! I am looking for directors, writers, and cinematographers who have a unique vision and want to shoot anything from short form pieces to feature films; photographers, stylists, and hair & makeup artists who want to create photographic works of art together or experiment in any way; poets and musicians who would be interested in sharing our writing and possibly writing songs together (I lean in the direction of folk and alternative rock); and people who want to pose for portraits, either sketch or painting. I also have posed for other artists’ portrait work and would love to again in the future. The best way to connect with me is through Instagram @nemibrooks or my email address, [email protected]. Reach out!

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nemibrooks/

Image Credits

Christopher Von Steinbach
Bobby Vu
Rafael Llamas
Jordan Cardoso