Meet Nicole Hardin

We recently connected with Nicole Hardin and have shared our conversation below.

Nicole, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?

When I started Brazilian jiu jitsu back in 2013, I was the only woman for years, and often, the only black person in the room. It was not easy, to say the least. However, I was a single woman living by myself and I know that if something happens to me, there was no calvary coming to save me. I don’t have the complexion for the protection. Therefore, when I started training, for me, there was no quitting, I had to figure it out. I’ve always been the type that would physically fight you, not because I like violence, but out of necessity. I just wanted to learn how to give myself a fighting chance.

At my first gym, there were a LOT of micro and macro aggressions, both sexist and racist, that I would endure. Because I’ve never trained martial arts before and didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know that the level of abuse I was suffering wasn’t normal. To add to the stew, I was raised in an environment that taught me that I was not to be respected. So, after going through an emotionally abusive family life, to the point that I didn’t believe in my own ability to think, being in an abusive environment that tells you the same is much easier to fall into.

So no, I didn’t leave when the head coach tried to make me one of his “special” students. Yes, I meant that last sentence in the way you read it. He didn’t succeed and I was punished when I didn’t fall in line. I didn’t leave when other coaches would yell at me like a child. I didn’t leave when I would go to tournaments by myself and no one would help me to train. I didn’t leave when they were slow to promote me, whereas my less melanated counterparts were rushed through the ranks, and given help without having to so much as ask for it. What I have learned from that time is that just because I could take abuse doesn’t mean I should. In fact, I had to figure out that I am worth more than just “enduring”, rather I am worth the investment in my potentiall, as my stock always pays dividends. When I talk to women now that are going through what I went through, I ask them, “What are you paying your gym for? ‘Cause right now, you’re paying for abuse and neglect.”

2016 was a particularly rough year for me; my mom was in a medically induced coma for a few days in February; my nephew passed away on April 5th; and I still trained. I didn’t tell anyone what I was going through because I knew it would somehow be used against me. It was then I thought to look up if there were other black female black belts in jiu jitsu. According to the internet, we really didn’t exist. I just wanted to know if I doing something ground breaking or is there women that look just like me that are doing what I do so I had something to hold on to. I held on to the concept of Black Woman Black Belt for 4 years before trying to make it happen. I did not have enough faith in myself to make it happen.

From 2016-2020, I moved gyms 3 times. The second gym I was attending in 2018 was like a breath of fresh air…at first. The guys were welcoming, I had some good sparring matches and I was learning a lot. Then, this coach tried to make me his girlfriend but this time, we had a lot in common outside of jiu jitsu, (both teachers, spoke multiple languages, only 2 years apart, etc.). I thought I could handle the implications. He would DM me all the time and it progressively got more inappropriate; I, of. course, though I had this one under control because, of course I wouldn’t fall for the same thing twice, right? I almost did. The only reason that I disengaged from this man’s control is that I was informed that I was not the only lady. Hell, I wasn’t the only student at the time. The thing that made my skin crawl was when I figured out that the student that he was chasing hot and heavy was a student that he met when she was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. He waited and groomed her for 10+ years to legally date her. So yeah, that’s a no for me, dawg. I was there in 2018 and I left within 4 months.

I went to my 3rd jiu jitsu school and trained. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t a fit for me, it’s a school I still recommend if someone is close and needs a decent school to go to. Now, at the gym that I’ve attend currently, I started in June 2019, I’ve gotten my purple, brown, and black belt. I appreciate my gym’s culture so much and I freely get the respect that I fought so hard to earn and was never given at the first gym.

But, of course, 2020 happened. March 5th, as a teacher, I was in school, just doing my teaching thing. Then the district closed all schools on March 6th; we didn’t return to the building for an entire year. During that year is when I really took the time to really consider creating the platform Black Woman Black Belt because we all had time to spare. I launched an Instagram page even though I knew nothing of Instagram at the time and I frankly had no idea where this was going. My first posts were just black women that I thought were interesting doing jiu jitsu and judo, I always (and continue) to give credit when I can but I always want to do more. Next, I began searching for black female black belts, found a few interesting women, and conducted a few interviews in 2021. Through that endeavor, I was introduced and talked to various black women throughout the U.S. and asked them about their journey to earning their black belts. I learned a lot, and even better, I met women that I communicate with and learn from to this day.

My first big move with Black Woman Black Belt was executing a concept that I had been dreaming of for years, a training camp run and catered towards black women called Black Girl Assassin Training Camp. I had NO IDEA what I was doing and the first one was a bit all over the place but the final result was something of which I am very proud. I have been to a lot of training camps, but Black Girl Assassin is, by far, the most fun that I have ever had training. The thing that is said every. single. year by everyone that attends is that it is the most comfortable that we have ever been on the mats. We don’t have to “act right” and represent the race, we can just be ourselves and roll freely. We play the music we were raised on and the music we currently like. No judgements, no microagressive actions or comments, just free women from white to black belt, laughing and learning on the mats.

So, going back to the question: How have I learned to be effective and successful when I was the only one in the room that looked like me? Simple, I changed the room. If I move into a house, I don’t accept the room as is. I paint the walls, I put art that speaks to me, I get the most comfortable bedsheets, the most tasteful furniture. Brazilian jiu jitsu is now my room, so I’m now changing the room to reflect me by actively finding people that are like me and encouraging them to also come in the room.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

My name is Nicole Hardin. I am a school teacher by trade, and a badass black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at night. Currently, I occasionally teach children and adults how to defend themselves and improve their skills in BJJ.

But my BABY is my platform on Instagram called Black Woman Black Belt, a platform that feature black women making moves in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Hopefully, if we still have a country, I host Black Girl Assassin Training Camp in Louisville, Kentucky. It is the only training camp that is created, ran, and catering to black women, though allies are definitely welcome. If the spirit ever moves you, registration starts in January via Instagram (@blackwomanblackbelt). We prove it is, indeed, fun doing hood rat stuff with your friends (on the mats).

Follow me on Instagram and *grits teeth* I’m thinking about starting on TikTok. Felt kinda dirty saying that but stay tuned to see if I fold to peer pressure.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

1) Patience: Know that your first year of jiu jitsu is a year long montage of getting your ass beat, male or female. You will eventually get better. No one that I know has ever gotten worse…but don’t quote me on that.
2) Endurance: This sport is not for who’s right for it. It’s for who’s left. I’ve seen way better than me come and go.
3) Confidence: You have to believe you can do this. The death rattle of jiu jitsu is the loss of confidence.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

I am still facing feelings of unworthiness. This is going to be a fight I have probably for the rest of my life in one way or another. It plays out in procrastination, perfectionism, and just my general fear of failure. I know in my head that if I move, things will probably go better than expected. What’s rough is to get the heart to follow. The only thing I know to do to overcome this challenge is to just do it. Jump in face first and hope I don’t get my face cracked. My mantra is: It ain’t got to be perfect, it just got to be.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @blackwomanblackbelt
• Facebook: BlackWomanBlackBelt
• Youtube: Black Woman Black Belt

Image Credits

Nicole Hardin