Meet Nikhail Asnani

So this is kind of an up down answer I would say. There’s are days I get my resilience from the training in the arts I received from mentors and in my time in LA. I live with a lot of obstacles, social economic and mental that prevent me from the success I feel like I deserve. These obstacles at many times make me want to go to Belgium and apply for assisted suicide. However – I continue to fight for a few things. Firstly – to respect the celebrities and the academy that respond to me daily and see my work even when the gatekeepers and big media turn a blind eye. Secondly – my desire to get free and that hopefully some of the people who started this box on my life, can face some repercussions. I am unsure if it was in 2006 where I played an iq game to win the heart of a boy, then after I was asked to audition for Slumdog Millionaire – but afterwards whole bunch of Tufts Students were involved, and they conspired against my human rights. They joked about kidnapping and the mass gaslighting on social media started through them and thats when I started being an inspiration. Thirdly – despite my own family being involved in this, my mother, my helper Rexie and my sister Raisha, at a time, not now, but at a time were my strongest influences, particularly when standing up against my father.  Fourth – I want to defeat the negative impressions I have garnered on myself because of being in this box. I tell some people I should get immunity for some of the things I’ve said because of these extreme circumstances. Fifth – I want to fight for a real relationship one day – not like a soulmate but like just the normal experience that others have – experience a date – it’s been more than a decade haha – I’ve gotten quite messed up because of the gaslighting and media that has enabled me to get obsessed at times in the past with the completely wrong people. So I want to stay alive to find someone slightly healthy who will choose me honestly. I also get my resilience from sleep – I love to sleep. And while I say there it is very hard – when all your work is remade and you don’t get press or the same benefits as the remakes – and at times some of these remakes can be very disrespectful – this semi erasure covering of my face is what the ancient romans described as ‘worse than death’ – so you can imagine my daily anguish-  I want to show I am better than the suffering some may think I deserve. Particularly now my resilience is questioned by myself – as I may move back to the USA soon – and I’m very torn inside about a return to Los Angeles – because of the injustice I experienced – In variety I read this this mentally of certain people in Silverlake, having this communist mentality, and I think it’s so disgusting and cowardly and a complete falsehood of how so many of us have struggled to be recognized, and it’s extremely disappointing that Film Independent supports some of this. I struggle many times, as I don’t know where my place is, and it’s hard to see your place the world has remade your life and work into movies, songs, fashion shoots and more since 15 years, and you don’t get the same normal privileges to live a normal life. I see how celebs pose as me, and more and it makes me feel like my actual being deserves to be in that world – and I live for the hope to enter that world one day – I work to prove I am as deserving as so many awesome talents. Some days are very hard – but how I get through it is – I sleep in, and appreciate the little accomplishments and little steps I take, I drink a glass of wine a day, I’ve learned not to go out and party in the same way I used to which led to uncompromising situations, but I still mess up a lot. There will be days, maybe once a month, out of the frustration I will go out alone, and I will rebel in weird ways, some of these could be wrong things such as getting too drunk. It can be hard when my life is the way it is – recently I started drinking A LOT of water. I drink like 4 bottles or more of perrier a day. I also watch nature shows to really help me. It is difficult – but in the end I don’t want to end up a vegetable so I do small things – I tell people the cure is so so simple to my problems – despite people not wanting to give it – in the end I’m not as strong and I think people definitely know this – but Marvel gives the wrong impression – I’m not as strong as it’s implied – if you were to ask the celebs I DM what I say – there is a lot of sadness and depression and weakness and confusion and it’s not easy. Usually I find resilience comes from either wanting to be more like other people around you or having that slight inspiration – and I don’t have it right now –  but I do know it will come back – and sometimes it takes some time, sometimes it takes sitting in silence for 10 hours a day, contemplating , thinking, how do I overcome this feeling that everything is futile – how do I overcome this meme that is viral that says write like no one is reading, speak like no one hears you etc. when I think that’s all bullshit, I dont want to write like no one is reading, I dont want to speak if no one is listening and so forth. And my oppressed social media does make it so much harder

 So for now I take things step by step, I keep trying to find hope in different ways, like this interview is a slight bit of hope for me, and the littlest bit of hope makes that feeling that life is the procrastination of death a little less. Some of hardest times is when I see my work or poses or whatever influencing things and I don’t get invited anywhere – and so in those times – I try to keep resilient by learning about nature and things that calm me down. I’ve developed lots of strategies, including strategies with dealing with my difficult mother and I think in the end it comes down to strategies which aren’t solutions, they are methods of coping but sometimes in this world, it is better to find the right way to cope than not cope and make more mistakes when the solutions seems so far away.

Regarding coping – I don’t think anyone understand in the entire world – what its like to be unsure how to face society –  when you meet a person it’s like a fresh slate – usually unless you hear some bad gossip when you meet a person you don’t know them well – you just approach them with general respect and you may like them or not like them – but for me it’s like every single person in the world that has been a part of this – has kind of tainted how I can talk to them in a sense – I can always be breezy and carefree and relaxed, but there’s a part of me that will always be betraying myself to just act like nothing mattered.

How you go online – and you see lots of references to your work, sometimes references to work that you haven’t given consent to be made public –  and it’s frustrating – I wonder are these my friends or not? And is there going to be ever a time I’ll be let out of the box and share good conversation with so many – because as it goes on and the longer I’m kept in this position – things fester inside.